chubachoop Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 Ive been at uni for 6 weeks and live with a guy called jake. We became best friends real quick and things developed from there and now im in love with him. He has a girlfriend but he doesnt want to be with her. He tried breaking up with her but he hated that she got so upset and is still with her. We were seeing each other but arent any more because i dont want to be his other woman. he told me hes in love with me and I believed by the way he acted with me. Since deciding hes staying with his girlfriend though hes been a bit distant. He says this is cause hes trying to stop thinking about me as anything other than his best mate. He said even if he split up with his girlfriend he wouldnt be with me. He wants to be single while hes at uni. Can he really love me if then? The other night he was flirting with another girl and i got real jealous and we have been arguing since. He still thinks that maybe one day we could end up married with babies but the timing is wrong! How can I get over someone when they live with me and they are my best friend and is this guy a complete loser???
bluechocolate Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 You know how he said he got back with his girlfriend just because he hated seeing her upset? He's doing the same thing to you by saying he loves you but just wants to be single. He may not be a complete loser (after all, isn't he your best friend?) but he is a coward. As for getting over him while you're living with him - I don't know. I'm sure you'll fall out of love with him & probably just as quick as you fell in love with him. Cultivate some other friendships - in the meantime try to avoid him as much as possible.
Karlise13 Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 ...but he's pretty immature. That's a lame excuse for not ending a relationship that needs ending. Because it was too hard to 'see her upset'? Come on now. Give me a break. Real life relationships mean dealing with unpleasant emotions sometimes, including anger, upset, sadness and the like. If his relationship skills are so poor that he can't handle any emotions except positive ones, I think he has very underdeveloped sense of what 'love' really is all about. I think it would be best for you to form other friendships and possibly romantic connections outside of this one. You are right; why should you settle for Other Woman status? If you are in love with him, that's too painful. Perhaps he will grow up in the next few years.
Author chubachoop Posted October 26, 2004 Author Posted October 26, 2004 Thanks for your responses It wasnt just that she got upset that hes still with her its a bit more complicated. Shes basically a really nice girl and wants him to give her another chance. so he is. He doesnt wanna be with me anyway cause he wants to be single. Things are a bit different for me now. We have been arguing alot and I think it is changing his opinion of me. I think he sees me as a nag and desperate to go out with him. I dont want that, I want him to carry on thinking im great and then eventually realse hes making a mistake and wants to be with me. But how do I do this? I cant really avoid him, all my friends are his friends too and avoiding him would mean like never leaving my room. How do you make a guy who has feeling for you already, realise that he doesnt want to be single after all? and if your really in love with someone do you even want to be single?
bluechocolate Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 How do you make a guy who has feeling for you already, realise that he doesnt want to be single after all? You don't - because it is not possible. He's decided to stay with his g/f & told you that even if they break up he won't go out with you because then he'll want to be single. That seems pretty clear cut to me. [b..... I want him to carry on thinking im great and then eventually realse hes making a mistake and wants to be with me. . But how do I do this? [/b] If anyone had the answer to that question they would probably rule the world. He decided to stay with his g/f, he told you he won't go out with you, the other night he's flirting with another girl in your presence & now you two are arguing a lot. Do you honestly think this is "normal" behaviour for a man who is in love with you? That other stuff he said about loving you & maybe one day getting married & having babies but this not being the right time - it was garbage. Sorry if I'm being blunt but I think you're deluding yourself. First you need to realise that & then you'll be able to get over him - & you will get over him. Honestly. Cheers
Author chubachoop Posted October 26, 2004 Author Posted October 26, 2004 I understand what your saying and you could be right but if he is lying to me about how he feels, its garbage.. what possible reason could he have for this? Why would somebody confess feelings that arent even true?
bluechocolate Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 Because in his mind he's letting you down easy & avoiding a confrontation at the same time. It's like that old: "I really love you, I'm just not IN love with you." When what they really mean is "I don't want to go out with you".
Author chubachoop Posted October 26, 2004 Author Posted October 26, 2004 he told me he was in love with me before we stopped seeing each other. When he decided once and for all that he was staying with his girlfriend he was distant and then started pretending that he wasnt really in love with me. when we were arguing he admitted that he was only pretending, he is in love with me he just is trying not to be.
bluechocolate Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 If he loved you he would be with you because clearly you're available for him. And let's just say he does love you - then what he's doing is messing with the minds of two people - you & this other girl.
Author chubachoop Posted October 26, 2004 Author Posted October 26, 2004 I know. Thats what I said. But he thinks hes making a mature decision. He wanted to be single before he met me because he never has been and wants to before he settles down to mariiage. I can kinda see where hes coming from but i still think if u fall in love you wanna be with the person now not later, dont u agree?
tiki Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 Lose him until he can lose her. It's not a pity party relationship that he's got going on over there. It's simple....he's having his cake and eating it too. Tell him to screw off. You can find a man that will dedicate his whole self to you, not give you sloppy leftovers.
head/heels Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 Do you really want to end up with a guy who left his GIRLFRIEND for another woman (even if it is you and you are smitten with him)? Why wouldnt he do that the next time things in his relationship (with you) gets hard and an attractive woman turns his head......he is immature now at best and does not need to be in a serious relationship with you or anyone since he will only end up hurting them...he is unsure what he wants and if he comes to you and tells you he has finally figured it out.... i would not believe him as he has already shown what he is made of.... go out and find another and make sure it is someone that will be loyal if you happen to get into a LTR with them...otherwise you may end up in one where the guy is just as immature as your roomie... and that will suck, believe me I know..
ALS11762 Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 I think if hes afraid to break up with his girlfriend, he doesnt want to be with you that bad. Obviously he still wants to be with her otherwise he wouldnt be. If hes out there flirting with other girls and wanting to be single, i doubt he will settle down and be with you. I say tell him "Do you want me" if he says "Yes" then just say "Then why arent you?" and if he rattles off "my girlfriend this and that.." Go off of his answers. If theyre not good, I say move on...as hard as that is. Good luck sweetie!
travellingman Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 we need to liven things up here if we're going to start digging around threads that have no posts in the last 12 months
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