I Miss the Kiss Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 If you look at my post from two days ago you will know where I am in this mess. then that same night, night before last, dMM emailed to ask me to come F him!!!! Really??? I can't be sure, but this almost ALWAYS happens when he has had a few drinks. We never spoke by phone that night and still haven't. I told him NO I am not driving nearly 4 hours just to F him, and I am not that girl anymore-- the one who jumps when he calls. I have enough to deal with. I am trying to do the right thing and break things off with B and start my own life. He knows this. In fact, HE has insisted I do this as well, before we can even think about whether we will start a real relationship down the road. So I said no, I am not coming up there. Then he replies "I am lost.." Well yes, I know that. So am I. But a quick F isn't going to fix anything. So we exchanged a few more emails that didn't amount to anything of any value. Then guess what! The last email: "I'm sorry, I had a moment. Goodnight." WHAT? Then the next morning at 6:30 a.m., I get "I apologize for last night. I was disrespectful and mean." Wow. Just wow. Tell me again why I love this man, to whatever level that is right now? I think it is because I think deep down this is all from his anger and hurt, because the woman he supposedly loves lives with another man, and understandably so. But does that make it ok for him to say these things? I really do want to know what you all think about that. I am starting IC next week. Trying to figure out where to move when I leave this house (B and I share expenses but it is technically his house, so I will be the one to go). F my life....
ForeverHopeful1 Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 Just wow! I am so sorry. I hope it is clear to you what you mean to him and what he values about you. Drive 4 hours to **** him?!?!?!?!? WHAT IN GODS NAME? This loser is a complete and utter waste of time, not to mention a selfish POS! EWWW I like your signature. Stick to it, Babe!!! You can do this. Stay strong. Keep saying NO. In fact, stop replying to him. If he emails you... great. Don't reply. If he texts you... great. Don't reply. If he calls you... great. Don't reply. You have the strength within you to move past this. You deserve so much more than scraps, breadcrumbs and BS from this low life douche rocket. xoxoxoxox 1
Author I Miss the Kiss Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 Just wow! I am so sorry. I hope it is clear to you what you mean to him and what he values about you. Drive 4 hours to **** him?!?!?!?!? WHAT IN GODS NAME? This loser is a complete and utter waste of time, not to mention a selfish POS! EWWW I like your signature. Stick to it, Babe!!! You can do this. Stay strong. Keep saying NO. In fact, stop replying to him. If he emails you... great. Don't reply. If he texts you... great. Don't reply. If he calls you... great. Don't reply. You have the strength within you to move past this. You deserve so much more than scraps, breadcrumbs and BS from this low life douche rocket. xoxoxoxox I am seriously laughing out loud right now. THANK YOU! I needed to hear that!!! I am a sad case, but I guess I needed validation that no matter what I have put him through of late, I still don't deserve that. No one does.
Author I Miss the Kiss Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 I forgot to also tell you about his other email to me that night, after I said I wasn't coming up there to F him and he replied to me "Sorry, I had a moment." I said something to the effect of "Really??? You had a MOMENT?" And he simply replied.. "I don't know what you want from me. I gave you the opportunity." He's awesome, isn't he?
Author I Miss the Kiss Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 This is one of the reasons why I believe it's so difficult to have an affair turn into a successful relationship. The relationship is so damaged by the lies, hurt, and false promises that took place during the affair that the affair partners never fully believe in each other and often have hair trigger reactions to anything that even remotely reminds them of the affair behaviour. Yesterday when people suggested that this dMM might not be the new and changed man you believe him to be, you were quite defensive and quick to sing his praises. Now less than 24 hours later, you are okay with someone calling him loser douche lowlife pos. Not only are you okay with it, you find it quite funny. If you turn on each other this quickly how on earth will you ever be able to have a successful long term relationship together? If I came across as finding it funny, maybe that is just my denial that it is happening this way. Of course it isn't funny. And I am so, so, sad that it has come to this. This incident the other night actually came out of nowhere... He HAD been the changed man, although we had still been going through a lot. He isn't an alcoholic by any means, but he definitely should not drink because he runs his mouth and has no filter. I keep telling him that when he drinks, the real feelings come out. So no, it isn't funny. Maybe I am laughing at myself more than I am laughing at him, because I have given him a stage upon which to stand there and do those things to me. I should be laughing at myself for being so stupid
jphcbpa Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 This is great...he has done you a favor by showing you himself. Now you can move on from both him and B. You have a choice. The choice is you and your kids. Do not forget how you felt when you got those emails. Your head will try to remember "all the good times we shared". NO...remember this...this is who he is. When you squeeze an orange, you get orange juice. He was/is being squeezed and this is what is coming out of him. This is his true nature.
Author I Miss the Kiss Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 This is great...he has done you a favor by showing you himself. Now you can move on from both him and B. You have a choice. The choice is you and your kids. Do not forget how you felt when you got those emails. Your head will try to remember "all the good times we shared". NO...remember this...this is who he is. When you squeeze an orange, you get orange juice. He was/is being squeezed and this is what is coming out of him. This is his true nature. Thank you so much for those words. Sometimes, when you are smack-dab in the middle of something like this, it is hard to see the forest for the trees. Its funny (or not so funny) that they last time I went up to see him several months ago, we met up where he was already hanging out with friends at the marina where he and his friends have boats. I arrived quite late, the party was already in full swing. He isn't an angry drinker, he acts very silly, actually. I was late to the party and didn't mind that everyone else was quite intoxicated. It was funny to watch from a sober point of view LOL. Anyway, dMM proceeded to parade me around the marina. He was kind, introduced me to those I had not met before. However, he made SURE everyone knew he was "banging" me. His actions and a few of his statements made sure of that. I am no prude, and I don't mind "guy talk", but wow. Just no respect.... The next day we spent doing a quite, normal beach day...but of course he was quiet and I felt like he knew how he acted the night before was wrong...but did I get an apology? NOPE He has always told me I am the "hot girl", but I would really like to be appreciated for more than just that. UGH I am glad I rehashed all of this. I reminds me of who he really is...
jphcbpa Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 Thank you so much for those words. Sometimes, when you are smack-dab in the middle of something like this, it is hard to see the forest for the trees. Its funny (or not so funny) that they last time I went up to see him several months ago, we met up where he was already hanging out with friends at the marina where he and his friends have boats. I arrived quite late, the party was already in full swing. He isn't an angry drinker, he acts very silly, actually. I was late to the party and didn't mind that everyone else was quite intoxicated. It was funny to watch from a sober point of view LOL. Anyway, dMM proceeded to parade me around the marina. He was kind, introduced me to those I had not met before. However, he made SURE everyone knew he was "banging" me. His actions and a few of his statements made sure of that. I am no prude, and I don't mind "guy talk", but wow. Just no respect.... The next day we spent doing a quite, normal beach day...but of course he was quiet and I felt like he knew how he acted the night before was wrong...but did I get an apology? NOPE He has always told me I am the "hot girl", but I would really like to be appreciated for more than just that. UGH I am glad I rehashed all of this. I reminds me of who he really is... This is good...very good. You should write more of these examples out, see them on paper in black and white, print them/save them somewhere you can find them. Refer to them when you start to "miss" him. 1
Archanaart Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 Maybe you shouldn't get involved with guys that are blunt like that. Better luck next time.
georgia girl Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I Miss, Here's what I don't get. You have this great guy who you have created a life with, who's your best friend, who you have amazing sex with and who has created a life with you and your children. And then you have dMM. Who, by your own admission, is disrespectful, a bit crude and really not a stand up guy. Why on earth would you trade your great guy for him? Are you really in love with dMM or just totally attached to the drama? Is it the chance to finally "win" this guy that you wanted and loved so much that convinces you that he's the right one? When I finally got serious about choosing a partner in my life, I chose my very best friend and lover. I chose a man who after years of marriage still opens the door for me - and my mom. I chose a man drove me home from surgery on a bitterly cold night and gave me his coat - and went without one when he had to help me into a gas station to try and use the restroom halfway home. I did not choose the guy before him. The commitment phobe who came back and declared his love for me after I started dating my husband. The guy I had loved (I thought) with all of my heart and had had so many ups and down with. Him, I told to get lost. Be very careful. The best thing we can all do for ourselves is to choose well. To choose someone who we love dearly but whom we can also rely on to love us well, treat us well and build a life with us. Choosing poorly costs us all so much. I just think you're fixated on the wrong man. Hugs, GG 2
Praying4Peace Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I Miss, Here's what I don't get. You have this great guy who you have created a life with, who's your best friend, who you have amazing sex with and who has created a life with you and your children. And then you have dMM. Who, by your own admission, is disrespectful, a bit crude and really not a stand up guy. Why on earth would you trade your great guy for him? Are you really in love with dMM or just totally attached to the drama? Is it the chance to finally "win" this guy that you wanted and loved so much that convinces you that he's the right one? When I finally got serious about choosing a partner in my life, I chose my very best friend and lover. I chose a man who after years of marriage still opens the door for me - and my mom. I chose a man drove me home from surgery on a bitterly cold night and gave me his coat - and went without one when he had to help me into a gas station to try and use the restroom halfway home. I did not choose the guy before him. The commitment phobe who came back and declared his love for me after I started dating my husband. The guy I had loved (I thought) with all of my heart and had had so many ups and down with. Him, I told to get lost. Be very careful. The best thing we can all do for ourselves is to choose well. To choose someone who we love dearly but whom we can also rely on to love us well, treat us well and build a life with us. Choosing poorly costs us all so much. I just think you're fixated on the wrong man. Hugs, GG Always love your posts Georgia Girl. Isn't it possible that OP is struggling with choosing one of two men, BOTH of who are wrong for her? I don't think B sounds great, I think he's already cheating on her...did you see that in her first post? It is really the worst situation to let two people go. Almost impossible. So you go back and forth in your head for the lesser of two evils. Bad situation.
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