Laura2013 Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 Hi, He broke up with me 6 months ago because he is 12 years older than me and he said he 'needs to grow up and find someone his own age and he hopes i understand'. Although the relationship was never mean to be intense or carry any 'serious emotion'.. I was pretty upset. He also told me at the same time that he had someone in mind in which he will pursue.. I had a bit of a needy moment and told him how I felt about him and that I was worth pursuing to.. he just ignored (which is his specialty!). Minimal contact for the next 3 months and no contact for 3 months after. I had in this time deleted all traces of him, but continued to think about him a lot. I have seen him a few times at a pool I swim at, i just ignored him although I knew he was watching me and trying to get my attention. Then 4 days after seeing him, he text me saying he saw me, nice swimming and I am looking good. I replied thanking him and said I saw him to. then the next swimming night (same one as always) he turns up with a girl. I don't know who she was.. but he knew I would be there and once again watched me. I came home and text him to say if he has any respect for me he would leave me alone to heal and move on. I thought I was getting over it.. but that night I honestly felt back to square one. It really hurt. Anyway.. Half of me is glad I finally grew a pair of balls and didn't jump a the chance to speak to him. But I can't deny that I miss him badly and the other half of me just wants him back.. I'm confused with how I feel and I am confused with how he feels..I suppose what I want to know is.. if he does like me, now is the time he would fight for me right? so if he doesn't it just proves he is playing games. advice? p.s.. I am 23 years old
aloneinaz Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 He's playing games with you, plain and simple. Your mistake is having replied to his text or contact. Clearly he isn't interested in getting you back or he'd tell you that. Your best bet is to ignore this guy and continue on with your healing. You admitted having contact with him set you back. Can you find another pool or go at times he won't be there? Personally, I'd avoid any place I could possibly run into my ex. Until I'm indifferent to her, I don't want to see her, talk, text, email, NOTHING. I'm 7 weeks NC since the end. I've been dating a lot and am now dating one gal for two weeks. It's helped tremendously. So, what else have you done to move on from this guy? 6 months since your break up. You're 23 which is an age where you should be dating and having a good time. Are you?
Author Laura2013 Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 Thanks for your response, I'm not a serial dater, never have been into playing the whole dating game. The last 6 months I have been working on myself and to be honest being a little more selfish than usual. Concentrating on my career, socializing with my friends more and playing loads of sport. I still can't shake the thoughts of him though. My problem with everything is that genuinely his a nice man. He hurt me with how he broke up with me.. but we weren't really an item to begin with. Plus he has always commented on the age difference and always asked me if I had found a 'hot young man yet'. That's a whole pile of excuses I tell myself anyway. I suppose to save me from the truth that he does want to settle down.. just not with me. The thing I don't get is why text me? he was free of me and I had not spoken or contacted him for 3 months. If he does have a GF as well.. why contact me at all.
aloneinaz Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 He was texting you because he became curious. He hadn't heard from you in 3 months and maybe needed to know you were still under his spell. Guys do this, especially dumpers who are not emotionally attached. It means nothing to them to send a curiousity text to see if you'll respond. The most important thing that needs to sink in with you is he's not contacting you telling you he missed you and wants to see you or date you again. There's a lot of truth to the statement, "you can't get over your last significant other until you meet your new one". Of course you're still thinking about him. He the last guy you were with.. If you met someone else who was into you, gave you the attention you need, this old ex would be way out of your mind by now..
Author Laura2013 Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 urgh.. why are guys so cruel? I would hate to think I had hurt someone and then contact them to still make sure they are hurting.. horrible. I will be seeing him in work next week (I think I forgot to mention that that's where we met). no one else knows we were together. Not sure how I should act.. I never want to be bitter or mean, because I'm just not that sort of person. But I don't want to be a push over. He clearly got what he wanted with my response to both his first text and my reaction to the girl at the pool. I have mucked up.. how pathetic.
Author Laura2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 I'm not sure why I am such an idiot around this man.. but I am! So his first text last week was: 'I saw you at the pool on Monday, nice swimming.. looking good!' Me: I saw you two. Likewise. Then I see him a the pool again with a blonde girl Me (angry): 'If you have any respect for me please leave me alone. I just want to heal and move on' Him: Nothing Me (next morning and not angry): I feel awful for being so harsh. I genuinely care about you and happy that you have found someone. But it doesn't stop it from hurting. I just need some time. Him: Nothing Me (annoyed! his defence mechanism is to ignore!): Still ignoring? I overreacted. I felt pathetic that I was glad to hear from you and then you turn up with a chick. I hate when you ignore me, how is that fair? Him: NOTHING I am usually a strong and independent woman who takes no bull****.. why do i turn to putty in this mans hands??!? he is older than me by a fair way and I know it would never work out as a relationship.. but I ache to see him and spend time with him. Now I think he hates me aarrgghhhh!!
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