Dating someone who is more experienced in relationships than you

[Ide]

SO I'm currently in my first serious relationship. He is also the first person I have really "fallen hard" for. On the other hand, I am his 10th.

 

The challenge is our different expectations on how to love and feel loved in a relationship, and how to maintain it. And coping with our different emotional maturity is a tough one too.

 

We are doing our best to be patient with each other, so that we can still develop and learn together.

 

His pace feels too fast and his expectations feel much too advanced for me, and I feel depressed by not being able to keep up and feeling like I'm slowing him down. I am trying to adapt and learn as much/fast as I can to make him happy...

 

I'm emotionally exhausted... He has been the best person to help me develop in several ways, but just to be able to cope I had to drop my general life comforts and ambitions to focus on making this relationship work. I have other areas of my life that have been neglected to some degree because all my energies are focused on keeping up.

 

I know that it isn't fair to myself, having my first experiences be "brought down to reality" by my partner who's past the "fantasy/idealistic notions" of it all. But I am also thankful of the sheer amount of personal growth I've gone through just for pushing my comfort zones, being with this guy.

 

But not gonna lie, I'm also very, very exhausted. I sometimes just want to be in puppy love, but that's not realistic.

 

I entertained the ideas of polyamory to help balance us both out, or maybe just being his friend so I can date someone else with 'less' experience. But, this particular guy never talks to his exes ever again. (Feels that it's downgrading the relationship, and would rather end it than go backwards). And I can't bear the idea..of never having him in my life again.

 

I just want know how to cope. I'm too immature for this. I do just want to feel loved but didn't expect it to be so difficult.

[Philosoraptor]

If you feel overwhealmed there is a reason for it. You've already stated in another thread that he has desires to sleep with other people. Is this what you want as well?

 

Just because it's your first serious relationship doesn't mean you have to compromise your wants, needs, desires, and morals in order to accomidate him. Don't let him tell you what is realistic, and what isn't, in this world. Relationships needn't be exhausting and draining, but should fill your life with joy and energize you.

 

I promise you that magic exists and when you find it you will see things in a much different manner.

[Ide]

Thanks for all the insights Philosoraptor. What you said kicked my emotional ass and the reality of it is breaking my heart. It'll be hard to move on / transition into a friendship with this one...

[Philosoraptor]

All you can do right now is worry about yourself. Don't try to be friends or maintain any contact if it'll be hard on you. Work on fully healing and growing internally before you even consider trying to reconnect with this person on any level.