Combo Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 I met this girl in 2001 when I was 18. Lots of youthful naivety led us to having a long distance relationship, getting married, and shortly after divorced because during the long distance she was unfaithful. Fast forward to today, 18 July 2013 and I receive an e-mail from her: - Hi ----, How are you? I know you have your own life but I need to talk to you importantly. I hope you will make contact as it has been years now and I would like to tell you this on my own before you find out some less proper way. Take care ----- All the bestI am really fedup of this. Every few months there will be some cryptic message like this or she will add me on linkedin or facebook or something. About two years ago she e-mailed me at my work e-mail to say she still loved me. Very intrusive and annoying considering I had a complete block on her and was living on the other side of the planet and in another relationship. Sadly, knowing where I work will always be a simple case of googling my name, and there is nothing I can do to completely get away. I have not responded to her since 2010 but she continues, despite me requesting very clearly back then that she stop contacting me. Do I just ignore this until she finally goes away? It's such a drain and I'm worried some day she will turn up at my work or something Thanks
Philosoraptor Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 Not sure what you can do in ths situation. You can only block and ignore. Not sure if this can be filed under the grounds of cyberstalking, but you may be able to press this in court if you feel that her contact is too intrusive.
Exitleft Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 She made it sound like something serious, that would probably concern me personally but if she has been a nuisance she is probably just trying to get a response. If you want nothing to do with her, just ignore it. If she comes to your job you can decide if intervention is necessary. Good luck.
JDPT Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 What can she possibly tell you after all these years. She is still stuck in a bad place and it appears to me that she is very creative at alluring you and attempting to get your attention in order for you to budge and contact her. I have a gut feeling that she will tell you she is getting married but that's just me, what goes does that do you?
Nicoleiia Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 So, basically your ex is a stalker. Just keep ignoring her. Don't give her any attention. She's not worth your time if she can't respect your wishes to leave you alone. Some ex's just don't get it.
AllTooWell Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 Here's a crazy thought: Have you ever TOLD her to stop contacting you? Yeah I get some people on this forum are do not reply do not contact EVER - but she may be holding out some lingering hope for reconciliation, etc. So reply and say "I really do not have any interest to hear what you have to say. Please, stop contacting me. I do not have feelings for you. I do not want to hear from you anymore. You are interrupting my life. I wish you the best, but please leave me alone." or something. Block her, so she can't freak out on you (if she's one of those) and move on. 1
iouaname Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 The last time you responded was 3 years ago and she is still trying to get in touch? I can't imagine what she would have to say that she thinks you will care about. I guess all you can do is ignore at this point. How often are you receiving emails?
Author Combo Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 How often are you receiving emails? Holy s**t. I just checked my inbox and junk folder to see and found this from last year which was filtered out because I had her blocked. 6/14/12 please email me when I can talk to you about something important. I know you are in the US at ***** [place of work]..don't make me show up there to talk to you. thanks So just over a year ago she said that (June 2012). In 2010 I did specifically tell her I was in a new relationship, very happy, and did not want to hear from her again. Those e-mails were sent from my old work e-mail address so I have no record of them now. She is really starting to bother me There is nothing "important" to be said between us. We have no children, no financial ties, no mutual friends and no contact whatsoever. Whatever she says is of no interest to me. I would guess she seems to try to add me on linkedin every 3 months and e-mails me every 6-9 months. Have you ever TOLD her to stop contacting you? Yes. It was a while ago but I told her very clearly.
Author Combo Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 What can she possibly tell you after all these years. She is still stuck in a bad place and it appears to me that she is very creative at alluring you and attempting to get your attention in order for you to budge and contact her. Exactly. I have no idea what she would say, although my first thought was that she was going to use the "i have a brain tumor and don't have long left to live" story which she has used before. I have no idea if there is any truth to it, but she used a similar story when we were dating and again after we broke up. I cringe at how stupid and naive I was to let someone manipulate me and use my compassion to their advantage. Well, you live and you learn. Right now, the point is that this is intrusive and makes me anxious. It's a big distraction from the important things I should be focusing on instead.
Author Combo Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 She sent me another e-mail 3 hours ago. WTF. Hi -----, I am trying to reach you, for God sake please don't make me show up at ---- [mom's house town] at your door to tell you what I want and need to. Please reply and let me know when we can talk. Hope all is well, my best to everyone, ----- All the best What really gets me here is that NOBODY knows that I am staying with my mom right now. I returned from the US very quietly and didn't tell anybody, so how she knows I am here is a big puzzle. I changed all my e-mail passwords after we broke up so it's not that. I guess she called my old employer and they told her I returned home. Anyway, I'm getting really annoyed and feel quite uncomfortable and anxious at this point?
AllTooWell Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 Reply with "This message was created automatically by mail delivery software. A message that you sent could not be delivered to one or more of its recipients. This is a permanent error. The following address(es) failed: [email protected]" Done and done.
xilver Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 Weird. That would freak me out. Like maybe you knocked her up and she is finally wants to tell you, or maybe she is sick and dying and feels like she has no where else to turn. It's hard to tel your timeline and gauge you post marriage rel, but it seems you got divorced in 01, kept in contact for 9 years and then stopped responding to her in 2010? But, she kept sending you random mssgs every so often until now. Why did you decide to stop contact after 9 yrs, or why did you choose to keep in contact for 9 yrs? So many questions on this story it isn't clear to me.
Author Combo Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 (edited) Here's the timeline (no need to point out how stupid it is, I learned the hard way): - 2001 - we met and enter a relationship in college in the UK 2003 - she moves back to her country after graduating 2005 - after 2 years of long distance, I go to her country, marry her and come back to the uk to start the visa process for her to come here 2006 - she tells me she is pregnant with another guys kid. I want a divorce 2009 - divorce papers finally come through 2009 - i move to the USA, new relationship too 2010 - she is contacting me at work in the USA telling me she still loves me. i tell her i'm in a happy relationship and don't want to hear from her. i have not replied to her since. 2011/12 - she continues to contact me once every 6-9 months, i ignore them. in june 2012 she has "something important to tell me" and threatens to come to my work in the USA to tell me. 2013 - i return to the UK and she contacts me and somehow knows i am back here. she is working in the UK and suggests she will come to the house here. And we didn't have sex since 2005 so it's not that. Edited July 19, 2013 by Combo
xilver Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 I don't blame you for being worried about her showing up like that. I don't see why she can't just tell you through an email or even over the phone if it is really that important. I mean does she really think after all this time you are going to drop your life and go back to her? Could that be what it is about? It seems too simple a solution.
Ashlaria Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 This is obviously bothering you, so why don't you just respond, ask her what it is and move on? If you don't want her turning up on your doorstep then I don't see any other way of dealing with it.
GG3 Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 I don't blame you for being worried about her showing up like that. I don't see why she can't just tell you through an email or even over the phone if it is really that important. I mean does she really think after all this time you are going to drop your life and go back to her? Could that be what it is about? It seems too simple a solution. Maybe you could just do it that way? Tell her whatever she will have to say it in email. If it really is something important maybe then you could meet up with her. If she lied before though I can't blame you for not wanting to talk to her.
marym84 Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 you have to kill her plot, reply to her, treat her friendly, as if she was a friend, tell her you think it´s crazy after all this years she´s still contacting you, tell her that time goes by and people move on.. and you have a life now, a relationship.. etc.. but be kind. wish her well and send the message.. she´s being obssesive because shés getting ignored. it´s easy to fix.
Author Combo Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 Thanks all for the replies. Taking everything into account and talking to immediate family I think I need to reply to her at this point. Just waiting for my bro to pick up the phone so I can get his advice on the tone I use. Will let you know how it all goes.
Author Combo Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 She turned gay after we broke up and she was recently diagnosed with cancer. I told her sorry to hear, good luck. Hope that's the end of that.
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