It's really over

[Delilah1623]

Sorry for this, itll probably be sad whiney and pathetic but I cant sleep. After four months of the happiest times of my life and a few really ****ty times its really over. He made me happier and made me more feel more beautiful and loved than anyone ever had before. But then he would get depressed, shut me out and act like I didn't exist for a few days. Always came back with apologies.

 

Went to meet his dad, grandma and daughter for the first time this past weekend and it was amazing. I fit in really well, they all loved me. The whole ride back he had his arm around me and was telling me how much he loves me and was talking about plans to join me on a visit to my hometown in October and meet all my friends.

 

He left for an overnight work trip Tuesday. Called that night twice to talk and tell me how beautiful it was in CA and that he wants to take me there one day. Was texting me all day Wednesday until he got on the plane back. Then nothing. Texted him a few hours after he got back saying I hope he made it home safe and I missed him and invited him to come see an outdoor movie with my friends and I. He said he was going to the gym.

 

Wake at Thursday morning to a text he sent the night before at 1AM he's sorry I met him and sorry for hurting me. Tell him I know he's still hurt and scared from his past and to relax and go to the gym and take a nap and I'd see him after work like we planned. Told him I was turning my phone off for the day so I didn't start asking a million questions and he could get work done

 

Arrive at his place after work and he says a friend just moved to town and he is showing him around. Doesn't really want me there. He was cold to me. Not even s smile or a hug. Refused to come talk to me for a few minutes.

 

I lost it. Told him I was tired of being treated like **** and wasn't going to put up with it anymore. Got the few things I had left there since the last time he did this. On my way out a grabbed a small frame on the wall with his "house rules" and threw it into the wall. Not proud of how I acted and feel ashamed. He would go from making me feel like a princess to making me feel worthless and I lost control and my dignity.

 

I wish I had the strength to walk away sooner. I made it worse on myself by forgiving him for the same ****. Had a dream we were together and woke up to feeling like I was punched in the stomach. I texted him that I hope he had the decency to stay away from me because I'm probably stupid enough to believe him if he said he was sorry and tried to come crawling back again. I know he won't. Not this time.

 

The funny part is his ex wife had sex with his best friend while he was passed out drunk IN THE SAME bed. Cheated on him multiple times. The only reason they're not together is because she left him for another guy while he was deployed. Another girl he was dating was still sleeping with her ex-bf and had sex with him knowing she was pregnant with her ex-bfs baby. Another girl threw a wine glass at his head because she was jealous of his 4 year old daughter. Another told him not to leave his hotel room while he was away for work. But he would tell me if I got jealous that it was a big red flag. Every time I wasn't perfect he would say it was a red flag. I never lied or was completely loyal to him. Would tell him how much I appreciated him when he would do things for me. Do dumb little things for him, like buy him a steering wheel cover when he complained about the steering wheel in his new car being slippery.

 

I made a lot of mistakes but I tried so hard to make it work. I hate how weak and pathetic I was. And still feel. I hope I find the strength to make it through the next few weeks. Sorry for how long this is. I needed to get it out and my friends all told me to give up weeks ago.

[ggas]

Instead of thinking about you and him together why not just think about yourself. Do you really needva guy like him? A douche doesn't deserve any tear or sad thought. If hevwould have been an awesome guy then yeah I would understand feeling sad. But for him.

 

HELL NO. If I were you I would take advantage of my singlevwoman sts and have LOTS of fun and concentrate on myself ONLY. Really now... you could do so much better.

[Delilah1623]

I know I deserve better than he was to me at times. It's hard because most of the times things were so good but the bad times were getting worse and the instability was tearing me apart. We would have an amazing night or couple days and then all of a sudden he would do a 180 and act like a different person. I cried on his bathroom before I left but haven't cried since. I feel relieved in a way. It's easier to be alone than go from feeling loved and cherished to feeling worthless and unwanted in the blink of an eye. I feel sad for him because he's so damaged and I think it's out of fear that he does it but I love myself more than I love him and I'm not going to put myself through it anymore.

 

I feel so embarrassed for screaming in front of his friend and throwing the picture into the wall. I lost control for a few minutes. I wish I'd been strong enough to keep my calm and dignity but oh well. Now he can blame it on me and tell everyone I'm crazy.

[Philosoraptor]

Sounds like you were reaping the punishments from his past relationships. He doesn't seem emotionally ready for any sort of commitment right now as his past is still too relevant in the present moment.

 

Take solace in the fact that you were true to your morals and were a genuine good person to him. Be patient and with time you will heal, move on, and find someone who is willing to give just as much as you are.

[Delilah1623]

I just feel stupid and pathetic and weak. I ended up blocking him on my phone for texts and calling so I can't contact him and he can't contact me. But part if me keeps thinking, but what if he wants to get back together and tries to contact me?? I know I would probably forgive him again so my head

Knows its the right thing but my heart doesn't want to believe it. I keep punishing myself thinking what if I had reacted differently last night, would it all be ok? Even though I know my reaction wasn't the best option it could have been a lot worse.

 

We texted this morning a bit. He basically said that he will never be happy because he wants someone to be perfect. That he loves me but isn't in love with me. I don't know how someone goes from the weekend we had to not caring anymore in a couple days. We were so madly in love after the visit with his family.

 

And the cherry on top, he had suited a funny picture to The Chive several weeks ago of us together. They chose today to publish it. The world sure has an ironic sense of humor.

[Delilah1623]

I was only the second girl he ever said I love you too. Only the second girl he took to meet his family. The first was his ex-wife.

 

Last Sunday, after meeting his family and having an amazing time, he had his arm around me in the car the whole ride back. Telling me how much he loved me and saying he wants to come to my hometoen with me in October to meet my friends and get the rest of my stuff and bring it back here and move in with him. Then not see me all week because he was traveling for work but lots of calling and texting. To not wanting to be with me Thursday? Not even wanting to talk or let me come say goodbye for the last time.

 

How does someone say and do these things and then just disappear? In my heart I know I don't deserve a lot of the crap he put me through. But it hurts the most that its like he just never cared.

 

My parents disowned me after my own divorce so I already have huge abandonment issues. I feel like I can never really trust anyone.

[HopelessRomantick]

It sucks Delilah and it may never make complete sense. Only they [our ex's] know the truth for why they left us. It is our responsibility to take care of ourselves now and heal.

 

I was with my ex for almost 3 years. Loved her without condition. Supported her in every way imaginable. Treated her like a princess. Like she was the only woman in the world. But none of that was enough I guess. And I found out only few weeks ago, that she is not happy with her "new" man and he is also abusing her both verbally and physically. What a shame.... So sad.

 

As I type this the clock says 12:15am which marks exactly 1 year ago from this very minute that she broke up with me. I am mostly angry now but despite all the pain she caused I still love her.... Go figure!

 

You need to give yourself time to sort things out. Things may make sense in the months to come but probably not now. You are still in shock I'm sure and only in the early days of your grieving.

 

Cut your ex off completely and go 100% NC. Take it from me and everyone else here NC is the best route for most. It will be difficult for you for sure but in the long run you will not look back and regret sticking to NC. I broke NC many times and EACH AND EVERY TIME I REGRETTED IT. Fell like an ass and a fool for doing it because it only gave my ex more power over me.

 

Take back the power and cut him off from all contact. If you get the urge to message, email him etc. come here, start a new post and put your message to him here in words instead of to him. This way you get to share your feelings and vent without making yourself vulnerable all over again.

 

Hang in there...

[Delilah1623]

Thank you. We are no contact now. I asked him to block me from facebook because I knew if I blocked him I would unblock it and look when I was missing him. He did.

 

I actually just saw him tonight for a minute. When we broke up I lost it and threw a picture into the wall. Not one of my finer moments.. Saturday I dropped $100 at his door to fix the wood I damaged when I threw the picture and he messaged me later and said he wasn't going to keep it. I asked him to put it in the mailbox so I could pick it up. He said ok then texted me and said he blocked my number. I texted a little later and said to keep it, I wasn't gonna put myself through going out there for $100. Then thinking I was blocked and he didn't get it I was like ****. Free $100. Get there and it wasn't in the mailbox so I knocked and he goes you said you weren't coming. I told him yeah. After you said you blocked me. He gave me the money and l asked if I could give him a hug and he gave me this half assed one armed hug. I thought it would be devastating seeing him but how he acted and how cold he was and how conditional his love is made me realize that him breaking my heart is the best thing he ever did for me.

[HopelessRomantick]

Thank you. We are no contact now. I asked him to block me from facebook because I knew if I blocked him I would unblock it and look when I was missing him. He did.

 

I actually just saw him tonight for a minute. When we broke up I lost it and threw a picture into the wall. Not one of my finer moments.. Saturday I dropped $100 at his door to fix the wood I damaged when I threw the picture and he messaged me later and said he wasn't going to keep it. I asked him to put it in the mailbox so I could pick it up. He said ok then texted me and said he blocked my number. I texted a little later and said to keep it, I wasn't gonna put myself through going out there for $100. Then thinking I was blocked and he didn't get it I was like ****. Free $100. Get there and it wasn't in the mailbox so I knocked and he goes you said you weren't coming. I told him yeah. After you said you blocked me. He gave me the money and l asked if I could give him a hug and he gave me this half assed one armed hug. I thought it would be devastating seeing him but how he acted and how cold he was and how conditional his love is made me realize that him breaking my heart is the best thing he ever did for me.

 

Good for you Delilah! Glad you got the $100 back too...

[Delilah1623]

Stil hurts and there's still part of me that secretly hopes he contacts me and says he made a huge mistake. But I'll get past that.

 

I have decided to move back to my home town so come the beginning of September I will be back with my friends and far away from him and here.

 

It's amazing how a 4 month relationship can hurt so much. It seems like it was forever and my future and then one day it's just gone. But he made his choice and I can only accept it. Logically I know it's better this way but it still hurts.

[HopelessRomantick]

Stil hurts and there's still part of me that secretly hopes he contacts me and says he made a huge mistake. But I'll get past that.

 

I have decided to move back to my home town so come the beginning of September I will be back with my friends and far away from him and here.

 

It's amazing how a 4 month relationship can hurt so much. It seems like it was forever and my future and then one day it's just gone. But he made his choice and I can only accept it. Logically I know it's better this way but it still hurts.

 

It is amazing how... Poof! all gone. hopes, dreams, goals all gone. I too, deep down below the anger hope she will admit she made an awful decision, the mistake of her life. I guess it's all about being powerless over "their" decision to leave "us".

 

On my end, I have a financial burden that she left me with and will be paying it for the next 5 years. So moving on & forgetting her is a bit rough for me since I have a constant reminder every month when I make the payment. This is where most of the anger is coming from so maybe it's a good thing because the anger is helping me to move on.

 

Visit here often. It helps.

[Delilah1623]

I guess that worse part for me is that it's like it never happened. Just one day he decided he didn't care. Seeing him yesterday act so cold with his eyes so dead like we hadnt spend 4+ nights a week sleeping in eachothers arms for the last 4 months. Like he hasn't called me twice on Tuesday wil he was on his work trip and we hadnt tried to set up Skype to see eachother. Like he didn't buy a gift for me there that I never got. Nothing really happened. And there was no real explanation. I'm not even sure that deep down I really know its done and ill never see him again.