pandoraxxx Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 Hello, I am new here and would like advice on a marriage gone horribly wrong. My husband and I have been together 15 years with 2 school aged children. We separated 7 years ago for just a few weeks, because of his drinking. Since the our marriage has never been very stable. I finally did see a lawyer a few weeks ago and filed for divorce. He has signed the papers. But he is devastated and asked last night if we can keep trying, at least for a few months. I am very emotional and said yes. But would like to hear others opinions-am I crazy for trying again? The main problem in our marriage is he is an alcoholic and I am codependent. And no, he will not go to AA, counseling, or a doctor. He doesn't want me to go to Alanon either. I need him to watch our kids for me to go and he won't. He has has had 2 DUI's, crashed a car, binge drinks on weekends, and generally acts like an ass, falling down drunk, etc. He was arrested last weekend for possessing a small amount of marijuana and a pipe. The secondary problem is sex: he demands it daily, has always wanted to try swinging, threesomes, has said he is bicurious, cheated on me, looks at porn daily, etc. I.just don't want part of any of that! I am no saint or martyr. I shut him out emotionally. I didn't put me foot down hard enough. I tend to be melodramatic. I did try to talk to him about issues and he didn't want to. So I filed for divorce. Well that totally took him by surprise. He has cried, prayed, gone to church, and finally he talked about things. He begged me for another chance. I do love the man but not his alcohol and possible sex addiction. I said I was going through with the divorce and i am. He said he would to still like to live together as a family. I told him ok as long as he is not drinking and trying to work on other things. He has been sober 2 weeks now, and there's not telling how long that will last. So am I crazy for giving him another chance? May this was his rock bottom and he can do it? But without outside help? Or am I just being dumb and prolonging the inevitable?
Philosoraptor Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 Sounds like there are a lot of issues here and your lifestyles just do not match. Seems like you've known this for awhile but just are now finally acting on it. I'd set some stipulations if you are going to give this one last try. I would demand that he get outside help to try and help ensure that these issues do not come back.
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