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Refused to be friendzoned by ex! What's going to happen?!

youngbutoldsoul

By youngbutoldsoul
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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youngbutoldsoul Established Member

youngbutoldsoul

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Dumpee here. It's been 3 months since breakup. He left me due to lost of feelings. We both go to the same college. I know I had my faults in the relationship too. After unsuccessful begging, I went NC….eventually that became LC after a week from moving out of our shared apartment. It's been going on for about 3 weeks. Each week, I'd get a "how are you". Today I took the courage to settle things and be clear. The following was our conversation:

 

 

Me: A few months ago you said you want a life that doesn't include me at all. It was very hurtful to process. Ever since we moved out, you keep in touch with me. Why?

 

Him: I do want you in my life though, as my friend

 

Me: Whenever I look at you, I see our history and a future that meant everything to me. I don't think it can work out that way.

 

Him: You'd rather not talk to me?

 

Me: I think friendship is something two people go back to if they were good friends before or establish if it was a mutual breakup. Neither of those applies to us. It's clear we want different things and I don't really have a choice except to move on with my life.

 

It's been a day and he has NOT respond. I don't know what to expect. I don't know why after years being together, I don't even get a simple "I understand, I wish you the best". Just completely ignored. How could the person who loved every fiber of me, who wanted to marry me less than several months ago, could tell me I'm allowed to be a "friend". Will he ever come back to me? I know deep down, his feelings for me can be resurrected if only there wasn't this new wreck of a person he is so head over heels for. I was the marriage material he told me….unlike everyone he knew. How could he just abandon all our hopes and dreams. this is so unreal. Any opinions, comments, or thoughts would greatly be appreciated and help me. Thank you :(

skydiveaddict Established Member

skydiveaddict

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Girls don't get put into friedzone prison. They simply get dumped. You have been dumped.

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bluefirefly20 New Member

bluefirefly20

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Its hard to say for sure why he is keeping in touch. maybe he really wants to be friends, or maybe he still has some interest in you and wants to keep you on the back burner, just in case. i know guys who do that to women. its not good, but its the truth. i think this guy is being very selfish, he breaks up with you and then keeps stringing you along with these i want to be friends kind of text messages. he should just leave you alone if he doesn't want more than that. you are right in what you said. you two were never friends. and its not fair to you to have to deal with this. him ignoring you also shows that he doesn't really care about you that much. or i guess it could mean, his male pride is insulted that you turned down his offer of friendship. either way. but i think you did the right thing, by what you said. that is for the best.

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Talulah Established Member

Talulah

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Girls don't get put into friedzone prison. They simply get dumped. You have been dumped.

 

Like she hadn't noticed already..seriously

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heartshapedrocks Member

heartshapedrocks

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Guilt.

Being friends makes them feel better.

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bluegreen Established Member

bluegreen

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What will happen ?

You will not get stringed along used as friends with benefit or be fed crumbs off his affection when is lonely horny or bored.

You will save your self respect and dignity and self worth prove that you need not any of above.

At one time he might have thought he wanted that or had wanted that now he does not grass is greener on other side or he is not ready or he fell out of

infatuation-love does it really matter ?

 

 

 

 

 

Block erase cry eat some ice cream then "move on" and each time you want to contact him remember he dumped you it could have happened day before your wedding 10 years into marriage or few moths into your engagement.

 

It hurts but it would have been worse 10 times at those times he left you honey slam the door shut behind him permanently ....

  • Like 1
evviebee New Member

evviebee

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do what makes YOU feel better and don't worry about what his motives are in the friendship. while it is difficult as hell to sever that bond that you have with someone that you love so much, it's an even harder pill to swallow to keep that person around as a constant reminder you can no longer have them in the way that you want them.

 

guilt is definitely a reason as to why exes ask to remain friends, but if you are committed to a "friendship" that your ex slowly begins abandoning, you are going to find yourself in a different boat of pain.

 

your ex may want a friendship just so that they do not have to go cold turkey off of your presence. and that is not fair to you.

 

go NO CONTACT.

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youngbutoldsoul Established Member

youngbutoldsoul

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Its hard to say for sure why he is keeping in touch. maybe he really wants to be friends, or maybe he still has some interest in you and wants to keep you on the back burner, just in case. i know guys who do that to women. its not good, but its the truth. i think this guy is being very selfish, he breaks up with you and then keeps stringing you along with these i want to be friends kind of text messages. he should just leave you alone if he doesn't want more than that. you are right in what you said. you two were never friends. and its not fair to you to have to deal with this. him ignoring you also shows that he doesn't really care about you that much. or i guess it could mean, his male pride is insulted that you turned down his offer of friendship. either way. but i think you did the right thing, by what you said. that is for the best.

 

This was a great point you brought up. I think I needed to be reminded that he doesn't really care about me....given the sum of his actions.

Talulah Established Member

Talulah

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your ex may want a friendship just so that they do not have to go cold turkey off of your presence. and that is not fair to you.

 

go NO CONTACT.

 

Totally agree with this. Most people can't do cold turkey. Esp. the dumpers because it's too hard and that is not fair to you. Cut contact now and then in the future if you want me friends.

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youngbutoldsoul Established Member

youngbutoldsoul

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your ex may want a friendship just so that they do not have to go cold turkey off of your presence. and that is not fair to you.

 

go NO CONTACT.

 

 

 

I don't quite understand....if he's unable to go cold turkey then why did he ignore my last text explaining my perspective on how friendships typically work?

Echo000 Established Member

Echo000

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cuz he is selfish and worried only about him..he is upset now (for whatever reason, probably because ironically it hurts that you rejected him in a way, even though he has been rejecting you in a much bigger way). Therefore he wont respond until HE wants to, if he wants to.

  • Like 1
Talulah Established Member

Talulah

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your ex may want a friendship just so that they do not have to go cold turkey off of your presence. and that is not fair to you.

 

go NO CONTACT.

 

Totally agree with this. Most people can't do cold turkey. Esp. the dumpers because it's too hard and that is not fair to you. Cut contact now and then in the future if you want me friends.

 

Ok, so my ex broke up with me, we were both leaving the country soon, so after tears and tears I accept it, he was so thankful for understanding. We had to work together and live right next door to each other. We remained friends, and then he would randomly text me during the weekend. Then, we would go on dates and even though I KNEW that we were friends he would always make the point of thanking me for going out with him.

 

At work it all seemed great, but then he started to talk less to me, started to correct me in front of other people. And then he started to throw back things that he did not like about me during the months that we were dating. So, in the end he felt less guilty about leaving and saying goodbye. He went from "I care for you, thank you so much for understanding", to "I hated that you did that for like six months."

 

You're giving them the chance to move forward but not to yourself. Now, you have a situation where you can remove yourself from it. I did not.

  • Like 1
Newbie37 Member

Newbie37

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Ive been in a similar situation, my ex broke up with me 4 months ago and wanted to remain "friends" ive since found out he is seeing someone else and have reason to believe it was soon after we spilt, I do agree its a guilt thing and the keeping options open situation maybe, he found out a few weeks back I was going on a date and sent me question after question about the new guy?!??!?! im growing stronger everyday and have been NC now for a week, its hard when he texts me a few breadcrumbs but I then about the moment I found out he was with someone and how I felt.

 

Stay strong and don't lower to his level, I am still going through the motions but think its easier with NC.

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youngbutoldsoul Established Member

youngbutoldsoul

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cuz he is selfish and worried only about him..he is upset now (for whatever reason, probably because ironically it hurts that you rejected him in a way, even though he has been rejecting you in a much bigger way). Therefore he wont respond until HE wants to, if he wants to.

 

That's an interesting way to look at it. I think he doesn't really care about me...the friendship offer was more about his own reasons than really about me. If he genuinely wanted a friendship, I think he might have put in a few kind words and wished me the best or something.....rather than making a statement by ignoring me. In some ways, I feel like I forgive him because I was his first love and he's never dealt with a breakup before. When I walk pass him at school, he looks at me as if we never had history between us.....the warm tears that fell on each other during our moments of joy, blowing out candles on our anniversaries, the night we sat on a mountain overlooking a valley and said I love you for the first time. It's as if those memories was another lifetime :(

Kobe2345 Established Member

Kobe2345

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Give it more time, you'll get through it! Hang in there..

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