bluefirefly20 Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 I need some advice. I am not sure what to do. My husband an I have been married for 5 years, we have two young children. We have been getting along really good lately. then he left for 3 weeks of his military training. He's still gone now. since he was gone he was texting me how much he loved me and missed me. and then 2 nights ago, he sends me all these texts about how he wants to separate or divorce and doesn't want to be with me any more. He's not happy he said. I was totally blindsided. i did not see this coming. I thought we were happy and doing good. and then he does this. and what kind of guy breaks up with his wife over a text message when he's gone for training. couldn't he have waited til he got back and told me in person like a man. i'm so devastated and hurt and angry. i'm crying all the time. i can't eat, i can't sleep. i am just feeling like my world is crashing down around me. i love him. i don't want to lose him. i've tried texting and calling him after this, but he won't respond to any of my texts or anything. so i guess i will have to wait and talk to him in person when he gets back in one more week. This is so much torture. i can't even talk to him and find out what's going on. he even called his mom, and told her to come get his stuff this week. this is like a nightmare, i don't get it. Why is he doing this to me? part of me thinks maybe he's just really sleep deprived at training and not thinking rationally. and the other part thinks he's serious. this isn't my husband, not the husband i know any way. I am suffering so bad now, alone with my kids and just constantly thinking about him leaving now, and i can't even talk to him. How do you think i should handle this situation right now.
heartshapedrocks Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 wow I really do not know what to say. You are in the right place to vent. Do you have any support network close by to help you? Family? Close friends? A priest, therapist, pastor?? Family Support network through the service? Since he is at training ( I retired from the army in 07), I would suspect that texting him and calling him will not help until you can see him in person. Has he ever suffered from PTSD or had any injuries that may cause him not to think clearly? I am so sorry you are going through this & pray you have a good support system for you and your family. Self care is important for you right now. Like you said, he will be back in a week, there is nothing that will help until then. Are you close with your in-laws? I wish I could be more help, just stay strong as you can and give it to God or the universe or Buddha something as opposed to obsessing. Big hug for you. hang in there.
StrongLass Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 Wow. That's completely awful of him. You have my deepest sympathies. Well, if I were you I'd start talking to a lawyer STAT. Since you're not me & you're probably going to see if you can talk it out with him or at least get some straight answers from him do that first. If that goes badly? THEN get a lawyer since you'll need someone with a unemotional/clearer head to navigate the legal path you'll find yourself starting on for you & your kids' sakes. Take care & come back on LS if you need to. We're all here 2
oberon84 Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this is. It is very unfair that he should play you emotionally like this and keep you in the dark. You will find support here and hopefully from friends and family too. Does he really want to go into the military? I'm not sure if he might be a bit freaked out by it all.
Author bluefirefly20 Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 (edited) <Similar topic merged by moderation> I need some marriage advice. I'm so devastated and hurt. My husband is currently gone for 3 weeks of military training. Things were going so well. we were getting a long good, and he was just telling me how much he loved me and missed me, and then literally the next night for no reason, he sends me all these text messages about how he is not happy anymore and wants a separation/divorce. I got upset and have been trying to text him or call, but he is ignoring my texts now. i just am so hurt. how could he love me so much one day and then the next day he wants to end our marriage. also, what kind of husband who loves you breaks up with you in a text message. couldn't he have talked to me in person when he got back if that was the case. now i'm so hurt, severely depressed. crying all the time. I'm losing my husband and now he won't even give me the courtesy of talking to me. i need to know what's going on. His mom told me he called her and asked her to come get his stuff. I told her no. i told her he could be man enough to come get it himself. he will be back in one week. How is this happening. He also, mentioned something about a girl he talks to online, that he said understands him completely. he doesn't even sound like my husband right now. i don't even know who he is. Just feels like he is being completely selfish and and mean to do this to me right now and the way he's going about it. i feel blindsided. i need some opinions, how should i handle this situation. i'm going to start by right now, not trying to call or texting him any more, until he gets back. maybe give him some time to think about things. i just keep hoping he will change his mind. I love him so much. i can't stand thinking of not having him in my life. I don't think he understands what pure mental anguish i'm going through right now. This is pure torture for me. every one tells me to just forget him and let him leave if that's what he wants. but its not easy to just turn off my feelings. i can't help how i feel. we've been together for 7 years, with two kids, its hard. and i keep worrying, what if he refuses to talk to me when he gets home? sorry to ramble, i am just so frustrated. Edited July 23, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator merged threads.
coffeebean201 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 maybe he is stressed out with this training and he is ruminating on all your faults and taking his stress out on you. maybe he actually wants to stay together. ?
lukekarts Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I can completely sympathise with your situation. 3 weeks ago my girlfriend did the same to me via text message, whilst I was away for a weekend. Admittedly we weren't married, but it was a 10 year relationship, over 1/3 of our lives, and I was completely blindsided. I don't really know if there is any advice to give - she refused to speak to me when I got back, and it took her a week to let me speak to her. I didn't get the answers I wanted either, all this BS about her wanting to 'find herself' etc. And I agree, the whole situation does not seem like they are being themselves, but let that selfishness he has shown turn in to anger to help you move past this. I mean, what kind of human being ends a long-term relationship via text and doesn't have the humility to talk face to face? It is totally unjust & unfair, especially if like me, you had little/no warning this was coming. It won't be easy to hear, and it will take you time to accept it, but you can feel safe in the knowledge you're a better person than he is, which I can see straight away from his behaviour and your reaction. Open yourself up to your friends immediately, book counselling, all will help you deal with this. In the meantime, as much as it hurts, accept that he is a coward. And if you get chance, tell him that. I regret not being able to tell my now ex how badly she has treated me, as I went into our last meeting in a state of desperation trying to win her back. Step out of your shoes and imagine this happening to a friend. Would you be recommending they tried to reconcile immediately after he had done this and was so disrespectful to her?
Fleur de Lis Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Have you actually spoken to him since this happened? Could the possibility exist that some of his army "buddies" got a hold of his cell phone and are just playing a misguided joke on him?
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