Treasa Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 Most of my adult life I had male friends. I found them easier to relate to. In the past couple of years it has completely changed. I find myself now with a lot of friends, almost sisters, for whom I would do anything. I think at some point I stopped seeing other women as competition, and truly started caring for them in a very deep capacity. It's funny, because I was just reading a post by a female poster here, and I was smiling and thinking, "She's such a darling, and so clever." It makes me laugh, because I love a lot of the female posters here, and although there are a couple of guys I'm friends with here, it's just not the same overprotective love I feel for my "sisters." Even at work, the ones I relate to the best now are other women. Yesterday I got two hugs from two different girls at work for two different reasons. LOL That was nice. I wonder if, in the strength of being whole with yourself, you stop looking at everyone else as competitors. I don't know. I'm up past my bedtime probably, and I'm just rambling, but has anyone else ever felt this way? Where things in their lives did a complete 180 from how they used to be? It's cool. I really like it. I just find it sort of amusing and surprising. 6
Els Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 Aww, Treasa. Personally, I had more male friends than female during college. I had many female friends in high school, but we seemed to drift apart after everyone started growing up. It really wasn't because of 'competition', though - my relationship style hinges on there being an irrefutable, strong emotional connection forming between the guy and myself. So if he were to consider any other women as my 'competitors', that would mean that such a bond did not truly exist between us, and I would be happy to pass him along to them. I think it was a combination of me developing very male-oriented hobbies and passions, and my choice of male-dominated career. However, interestingly enough, I'm starting to make more female friends now, after having moved to a more liberal, Western country. Perhaps it was just that I have less in common with the more traditional women. Time will tell. Glad you've gotten yourself past that stage. 1
Emilia Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 I wonder about this sometimes too. I have more male friends, I was out for a curry last night and it was 5 guys and me, 4 of them I have known for 8+ years. They are by far the most comfortable I feel with. Before the curry I had drinks with people I work with and although initially I started on the wine with the girls, I drifted to the guys eventually. I'm a tomboy and can't help it. With the guys it's just a different kind of humour and conversation. The girls mainly talk about relationships and babies. Maybe I get enough of that on LS but it's not something I talk about that much with friends. Maybe it's the competition? I don't really think so though because we aren't usually in that kind of environment, some of the ladies are older than me, most are married, etc. I just tend to have more in common with men. Most women I know are girlie girls. 1
Roadkill007 Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 Congrats! You have now joined the SISTERHOOD! Dun, dun, dun~ "I don't know. I'm up past my bedtime probably, and I'm just rambling, but has anyone else ever felt this way? Where things in their lives did a complete 180 from how they used to be?" I'm not sure if it's comparable, but for the longest time, I took myself overly seriously and I had this ideal of being .... for a lack of a better term, "cold". I wanted emotions to stop popping up on my face for everyone to read, I didn't want to have that "out of control" feeling, that comes with strong emotions, etc. I considered showing emotions to be a weakness, basically, and feared that someone would abuse my easily-shown emotions. (probably arose in part to embarrassing blushes) I don't know when (all I know that it was in my early 20s), but I stopped taking myself so seriously, and started to embrace my emotions as a part of myself. I stopped being paranoid about others abusing my easily-read emotions, and started to live FOR myself. Started to really love myself, and essentially be there for myself. I look back at the me of the past, and there's no self-hatred, even though by all rights, there should be, because of how dumb and silly I was. Instead, there's this feeling like I'm watching my own life and feeling like I'm seriously an adorable character, or something like that (does that make any sense? lol ). I don't really know how or when this happened, but it's really turned my life around, and everything is better.... Heck water tastes better anyways, I think it's a good sign, Treasa. Some of the happiest women I know have a similar mindset. They just love to love other women (not necessarily romantically either, ofc ). So... umm, GRATZ! 2
jphcbpa Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 This is great and thank you for sharing!!! IMO, it shows you are able to become vulnerable and authentic. This is a very healthy transition. I grew up needing so much validation from women. In recent years this has shifted because I have great men in my life who I trust and really let them know what is going on with me. I treat them as "my other woman". The bonding with these men is a blessings. I feel much more whole as a result. 1
sweetkiwi Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 I love you too . And I can totally relate. Growing up I was a tomboy, I had friends of both genders. As I got older the gap widened between myself, and most females. Of course I had my core group of girlfriends whom I am still very close to. But by far relating to males was, and is, much much easier. 1
Author Treasa Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 I totally forgot I made this post. LOL Yeah, I'm like a lot of you. My hobbies all my life have been things that have been much more male-dominated. And, like some of you, I could just relate to guys easier. I was very tomboyish, and I still am in a lot of ways, but my more feminine side is also coming out, and I find myself being a lot more open and vulnerable. I don't worry about anyone trying to hurt me anymore. It's sort of funny, because at one point in my life I think I was afraid of other females, feeling like I wasn't good enough somehow, and now I've become sort of a big sister to a lot of women, and they now go out their way to seek my friendship. It's sweet, and it's lovely, and it's something so wonderful that I hope it never goes away. I knew you guys would "get it." I love you, I really do. 2
tbf Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 There's a line that can be drawn. Women who strongly dislike other women because they project their internal competitiveness onto others and women who like women but have no shared interests. Myself, I've had male and female friends all my life. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Interesting thread. I am the opposite. I always had more female friends. I am girly and love to talk about emotions and fashion and shopping. Lolz. I also have trouble relating to men platonically. Either I feel they want more or I want more. My every attempt at friendship with men ended up with us at least making out. As it happens, most of my female friends have now moved away. My current closest friend is male and a former FWB. That friendship is pretty f-ed up though :/ It just feels more natural with women.
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