Eternal Sunshine Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I am starting to think that I am the most high maintenance woman ever. This sort of thing wouldn't fly with me AT ALL and I would have a huge discussion that would most likely end up in a fight. And no, I wouldn't just joke or hint at all. As for one who cares the lest has the most power, that's so true. It's even true in friendships...
Lansing Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Again, as others have said it surely looks like BF bashing going on. Based on what ou have said I see no reason to be concerned. Again, express that you were looking forward to a trip with him and see if he can make accommodations to arrange that (ie cut the skiing trip short by a few days so you can do a 4 day weekend later,etc). Thusly gets NO holiday time all year except like a week? Thought the law in most places was 2 or 3 weeks.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I think I have a different slant. I agree that OP seems to the the compromiser or whatever so that probably plays into this but....I think the issue is that by the time OP can take vaca is in winter, BF only gets a little vaca and will be taking it with friends and not her? After 5 months of dating (which isn't very long) the BF gets invited on a ski trip with his buddies. Do any of you believe he wouldn't want to go? She can tell the BF she is disappointed because they will not be able to vacation together for the year (or whatever timeframe). Then let it go. She has every right to her feelings, but he has every right to go on vacation with his buddies. He may be thinking that he wants one last vacation before he gets serious, or maybe he prefers spending the down time with his buds, or maybe he just loves to ski. Who knows. I think the OP should plan her own vacation, alone or with friends, to Florida, Vegas, NYC whatever. Her life and plans are not dependent upon his, and she should not stop living until he is available. I also think that there is real validity in the thought she is putting more than her fair share into the relationship. But not about the vacation. They are not married, engaged or committed enough to warrant that.
iris219 Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I am starting to think that I am the most high maintenance woman ever. This sort of thing wouldn't fly with me AT ALL and I would have a huge discussion that would most likely end up in a fight. And no, I wouldn't just joke or hint at all. As for one who cares the lest has the most power, that's so true. It's even true in friendships... I consider myself super low maintenance and this wouldn't fly with me. It wouldn't be an argument, but I would calmly bring it up and explain how disappointed I was. If he wasn't sympathetic and tried to make it seem like I was needy or high maintenance, I'd seriously question continuing the relationship. 1
Axee Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Sorry, They are together every day, and formed vague plans. Whats wrong if he wants to go sking with his friends ?I understand she feels dissapointed but its ok , all these are part of being in a relationship .. OP can also go with her friends and probably has gone. Please dont make mountain out of molehill. 1
Axee Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 And yes, if they werent spending enough time together, then this would be a different deal and all other posts of choosing friends over spending time with you would hold good.
hoping2heal Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Really? So you think it's absolutely fine to take from another person and not contribute 50%? Let that be financial or otherwise? I bet you are one of those posters who would scream blue murder if the shoe was on the other foot. As if. I don't think it's fine to do it but I agree with the other poster about taking responsibility. If there was a discussion beforehand that by her giving up her savings, he would in return contribute X, that would change things. However, if it's simply a situation where the individual makes great financial sacrifices to date somebody then they and they alone need to be accountable for that decision. She could have just as easily decided to not make that decision. You can't "buy stock" in a relationship. If he were expected to do x, x, x, all on the basis of the financial sacrifices she chose to make then that's kind of exactly what would be going on; a business deal. A relationship should have two willing and voluntary participants. He should be thoughtful of her because he cares for her but he isn't obligated to anything over a decision she chose to make.
Keenly Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I guess I'm not liking the entitlement mentality I'm seeing from the ladies in this thread. I'm feeling a " we have been dating five months, and we have mentioned a vacation a couple times, therefore you should decline seeing your friends and going skiing. because I expect you to" You basically want a leash around your men ladies, whether can consciously acknowledge it or not. The really sad thing is, if it was in this situation, I would sit down and we would have a conversation like two grown adults about me going on the ski trip, and how it doesn't change our plans to go scuba diving in the future, but that wouldn't be good enough GB. You would still expect to be put above all my friends in a five month relationship. This entitled demand to be the center of his universe, and then getting mad and starting a fight over it (as some one suggested) seems like a childish temper tantrum that you didn't get your way . Op, my advice is sit him down. Verify that you still will tackle your VERY LOOSELY set plans, the plans that didn't have a date or timeframe, and let him go have fun. You can't expect.a maman to stop everything or ignore trips with his buddies because you don't want him to go. That's awfully selfish. Reverse the situation. He is the one who wants to go on vacation with you. Your girl froe D's invite you to Vegas, or something else you really want to do. Are you gonna say no simply because your boyfriend expects you to? Is that REALLY fair?
Treasa Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Reverse the situation. He is the one who wants to go on vacation with you. Your girl froe D's invite you to Vegas, or something else you really want to do. Are you gonna say no simply because your boyfriend expects you to? Is that REALLY fair? Uh...what? Never mind, I don't care. Anyway, OP, assuming your BF has apologized for his ****ty behavior from yesterday, I think you should just give him a break and let him go on the trip. You've said yourself that he spends all his free time with you, so this really isn't a big deal, especially the first year in. Now, if he breaks SET plans, get rid of him. If he clearly makes you feel second best or keeps doing what he did yesterday to you, get rid of him. Also, never change up a good job for a guy. Not unless you're married and the sacrifice would benefit both of you.
Woggle Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Reverse the situation. He is the one who wants to go on vacation with you. Your girl froe D's invite you to Vegas, or something else you really want to do. Are you gonna say no simply because your boyfriend expects you to? Is that REALLY fair? He would be called controlling and insecure and they would be telling her not to let him squash her fun.
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