MissTaerie Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 Hello I am writing this because I guess I need some help sorting through some of the feelings I have about myself and my partner. We decided to come together in a serious relationship after being friends for 3 years and are now in our third month of being together. Things between us are going well, but I feel myself having some strange feelings inside and I am not sure what they are or what to do about them. I am hoping to find some guidance here. I am 26 (female) and this is my first relationship. I've never really been the person that likes being "the girlfriend". I've always kept my distance and preferred to be "the friend". Perhaps because up until now, I had a lot of issues to sort out. The past two years of my life have been such a metamorphosis for me and I've put so much of my energy into becoming a healthy and better person. I quit drugs, slowed down my drinking, lost about 70 pounds, got back into college, and really have worked to figure out myself and re-define those relationships that are bad in my life. I think that my becoming healthier has allowed me to become more open to having a serious relationship. However, in all truth I know something is wrong with me right now...I feel so strange on the inside, almost hollow. I've felt very ambivalent about my life over the past 2 or 3 months, since getting into this relationship...I've become quite depressed on the inside, but forced myself to appear happy on the outside. I dont want to come off to everyone as being a psycho...especially tp my bf. I dont want to scare him off. Perhaps this is why I am bringing my issues to the table in this forum..I prefer some honest and anonymous advice. Essentially I think my sadness stems from the notion that, even with all the things I've accomplished, I still feel as though I have nothing.. I have no parents or family that are there for me. I have few friends worth mentioning. I wish I had more love in my life. That people don't like me/are unable to connect to me because I am weird. Can anyone relate here? Any advice? I have no interest in seeing a counselor and feel that it is a waste of money. I also refuse to go on anti-depressants to cope with this. I'm trying to pull myself out without drugs.
ion Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 You are describing issues involving, self-worth, lack of expressing emotions, and lack of intimate relationships (non physical). These require serious analysis that should be with a counselor. And what you are describing in regards to the condition inside yourself, does go beyond the purpose or idea of a general discussion in a forum. As a person who has had no interest in therapy, I would say you need to find a way to express yourself and be heard by an impartial person who has no direct contact with your life. This will be very difficult for the person you are involved with to do for you, and perhaps at some level not fair. To be impartial and be in a relationship with another person in this vain, creates tension. From what you write, it sounds you are on a path to face your issues, learning how to make choices that effect your physical world. This struggle has been successful, as you have changed your physical appearance and how you live your life, ie attending school. Clearly, there is a plan. Inside you have not been able to do this. "However, in all truth I know something is wrong with me right now...I feel so strange on the inside, almost hollow. " How does one build bridges of trust and intimacy with another person, after being 'hollowed' out? There is no plan to follow that fits like a one size fits all, rather it will be unique to yourself. What I would suggest is to open yourself with boundaries in incremental stages to being the person who gives out what you want to receive. If you want to have friends who are great, be a great friend. If you want to have a family that loves you, fashion a family that you love in your life. Acknowledge your weirdness and respect it, it makes you unique. Don't hide it or run from it, this is what makes *you* you. Love yourself and others, let it go out from you. Good luck!
catindahat Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 well i think you're dpressed. maybe talk to you friends that you more offten, talk to your partner, or even a diary,if you don't have one ,get one, because maybe even writing it down will help. Maybe take some class like sewing pottery painting or cake decorating and even if you don't like any of those choices, try a sport-yoga, softball, skiing, snowboarding or something like that, maybe what you are missing is fun or not feeling loved enough.
catindahat Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 well i think you're dpressed. maybe talk to your friends more offten, talk to your partner, or even a diary,if you don't have one ,get one, because maybe even writing it down will help. Maybe take some class like sewing pottery painting or cake decorating and even if you don't like any of those choices, try a sport-yoga, softball, skiing, snowboarding or something like that, maybe what you are missing is fun or not feeling loved enough.
shellso Posted October 27, 2004 Posted October 27, 2004 I've felt that way for years! I really don't have many friends and It's not like I'm not easy to get along with. I've moved around so much in my life from place to place and never really got to plant myself in one place long enough to grow roots there. I know how it feel to be empty inside. Alone. I'm not an expert but I think if you look inside yourself and realize how far you have already come, you will feel joy in that. If not you should! You should be so proud of yourself!!!! You've worked on so many hard-to-overcome things and have succeeded. This is just another one of those that you will soon figure out and be free of. Take one step at a time. Work on each day as it passes. Live in every hour. As for your new boyfriend: What makes things different now then when you two were friends? He is your friend and is willing to be there for you. Look at him like you always have. Emotions are the hardest things to figure out and to overcome but a counselor/self counseling/talking it out dose help and it will make you feel better. My advice is to get an emotional journal. I know it sounds really weird but hear me out. You mentioned that you get weird feelings. Write them down when they surface. Try to pin point what triggered that emotion whether it be just from waking up or from a visit with a friend or your boyfriend. Then after a week of writing these emotions down reflect on them and try to make connections. You'll notice a pattern in what triggers the emotion and the emotion itself and work from there week after week. Again I am NOT an expert but It helped me figure some things out. It may or may not work for you but it's worth a try.
shellso Posted October 27, 2004 Posted October 27, 2004 Originally posted by MissTaerie Essentially I think my sadness stems from the notion that, even with all the things I've accomplished, I still feel as though I have nothing.. I have no parents or family that are there for me. I have few friends worth mentioning. I wish I had more love in my life. That people don't like me/are unable to connect to me because I am weird. I've often felt this way but look at what you DO have. Your boyfriend is willing to be a shoulder to lean on. Let him in your life more. If you feel like you have nothing else you should admire the relationships that you do have. Hope this helps a little.
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