Indio Negrito Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 So, ive noticed this trend lately and maybe y'all can chime in and help validate or invalidate my observations. Ive been apart from my ex-fiance of 5 years for almost 2 years now and havent dated much as Im mature enough to not jump into a new affair without completely digesting and defacating the old. Honestly, Im still in love with her and am frustrated these feelings just dont go away since she's basically not in my life in any capacity which hurts to think about considering she was to be my wife. Having said that, I have lots of female friends and have been told by them that they all want their 'best friend' which is odd to me because some have admitted their desire for me. It felt wierd because I dont look at them like that. I dont know if the familiarity breeds the attraction or if those feelings are based on grounded facts about who I am as a person. I recall my ex had 3 or 4 best friends that were guys and though it didnt really bother me - it occurs to me now especially having female friends of my own that the friendships were born out of attraction and since they could not consumate those desires with their friends - kept them around as BFFs. I actually find this behavior questionable because Im an old school guy (36 but look 22 ) in that I think its extremely hard to have platonic relationships with the opposite sex. I've seen it with my own circle of friends who end up getting together and then go nuclear when things dont work out because the attraction seemed to have been 'idealistic' and not driven by fundamentals. For example, some seem to take great pride in having their indepedence and freedom to the point that I don't know if they really know what a commitment is since we live in a society where there's no accountability for behavior. People waffle back and forth with their commitments to themselves, friends, communities, faith, friends and lovers to the point if it isn't 100% perfect - its not worth fighting for. My parents have been married for 50 years. My brother has been married to his Jr. High sweetheart for 15 years and my sister has been married to her first love as well for the past 5 years. Unfortunately, this recent engagement is not the first for me (2nd) and though I typically take 2 - 5 years before getting into something new I dont know that its worth pursuing at all at this point since my observations have me conclude that if you aren't 100% perfect - your lover will risk destroying what you built together in the hopes Mr or Ms. Perfect shows up... I find that logic almost dillusional. And I see these conclusions validated by the types of things people gravitate towards that reflect their 'philosophies' - such as one philosophy a friend shared with me about her reasons for ditching her guy of 6 years "Never look back. If Cinderalla went back to get her shoe, she would never been a princess" OR "Nothing lasts forever, so live it up, drink it down, laugh it off, avoid the bs, take chances & never have regrets, because at one point, everything you did was exactly what you wanted" OR "Sometimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. We walk away not because we want others to realize our worth and value, but because we finally realize our own" Hopefully, y'all get the drift. I have a few lady friends who are drop dead gorgeous who dont believe in relationships yet have been in hundreds of one-night stands and since they're attractive no one passes any judgement as if its acceptable behavior... I dont know but I feel like women today are so full of crap its hard to take them serious when it comes to love. My analogy to these friends/women has been that when they were at one point physically unattractive - they took time and commitment to get into the gym, eat right and live healthier - its never fun but its what's good for you. Just like faith, its hard to maintain but its necessary (for those who believe at least) to appreciate your creator and the blessings of life endowed on each of us. I dont know if Im making any sense right now but my heart is in grief, miss her dearly and feel lonely in the world with my sappy outlook. Instead of writing a poem reflecting my feelings for my ex that Id send her in humility to get a rise out of her - I chose to write here so please forgive my rant if the content offends some. I am successful, talented, articulate, god-fearing, healthy and handsome - so im beneath myself as to why I am without a fulfilling and loving relationship... Anyway, god bless all who read this!
iouaname Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 I think writing here was a much better decision than venting to your ex! I think it's normal to be a little pessimistic after your relationship ends, but what kind of life would one have if they didn't love? Yes - it can end in heartbreak, but that's what makes us all human. Heartbreak is terrible but it's something I hope everyone goes through, because never having the chance to be loved or to love? In the end, the reward is worth the risk.
LovelyScars Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 Truthfully there are test we must past before finding the "Right" person. Although I myself am female, at times I question my gender but we all do what we believe is right, you know live without any regrets in life. In my theory man & women were never meant to be friends actually, because there is attractive for the other gender and feelings begin. I noticed many of my friends date each other and either end up together or end in ruin. You can only move on, if you allow yourself to move on. Everything happens for a reason, why not see this as a happy/learning experience and hopefully find someone new. A new love is just around the corner you just have to get up and walk. Good luck & best of wishes.
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