marccayen Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 So anyways I posted a thread about my girlfriend breaking up with me because she needed time to figure herself out etc... you can find the whole story here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/405761-girlfriend-breaks-up-me-says-she-loves-me-but-needs-figure-herself-out Anyways its been a few weeks since we have had any contact... We both work at the same place just in different locations so we hardly see eachother and if we do we don't notice each other most of the time.. Anyways after work I was doing what I always do stand by my truck and talk to my buddies from work and let the rest of the madness leave the parking lot... So then my Ex GF pulls up next to my truck and wanted to talk... She asked me for a CD that I might of had in my truck which I did but it was a CD she never really listened to anyways.. No big deal I didn't make much of it.. She then started to try and talk to me about work and joking etc... I pretty much gave her short answers without being a dick but without opening myself too much to her... Anyways I was the one to cut the convo and said anyways I gotta go back to my buddies and she looked a little disappointed and and said alright ill ttyl or text you later. So I didn't make much of it my buddies and I pretty much all told ourselves wtf did she want... Anyways I find out the next day that she was talking to one of my buddies from work (Her friend as well) and was telling him how she missed me and was sad and that it was only getting worst everyday. Once I heard this I sent her a short but sweet text saying " Hey I was thinking about you... Was hoping that we can hangout sometime and have a chat.. Let me know either way... She responded by saying I have plans this weekend (which I already knew about because they were planned way before we broke up) and said I would like to sometime next week... And it ended that way.. Anyways I was wondering if this was a sign of maybe we can talk about things and possibly work it out... What do you guys think?
AllTooWell Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 (edited) Of course she misses you! You were an important part of her life and of course she's gonna miss the comfort you provide. That doesn't mean she wants to get back together. What's done is done, though. I would let her come to you. You have let her know you want to talk, that you're thinking about her, etc. The ball is in her court. Let it be up to her if she approaches you. If she texts you and makes plans to talk, go. However remember YOU WERE the one who was initiating this meet. So what do you want out of it? What are you going to say to her? Do you want to get back together? Have you solved the initial reason for the breakup? ("needing time" is usually a cover. But if that's all she needed, do you think this has been a sufficient enough period of time? Or is she gonna disappear again?) One approach would be to not talk about the breakup or relationship, just have a first date. But it's up to you. You know your ex better than anyone on this forum. You should also reflect on the fact that she asked you for space, and by texting her you did the exact opposite. Edited July 19, 2013 by AllTooWell
along60years Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 What we chase will run. Just stand still and wait for her to start moving your way. 2
jerryh Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 So anyways I posted a thread about my girlfriend breaking up with me because she needed time to figure herself out etc... you can find the whole story here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/405761-girlfriend-breaks-up-me-says-she-loves-me-but-needs-figure-herself-out Anyways its been a few weeks since we have had any contact... We both work at the same place just in different locations so we hardly see eachother and if we do we don't notice each other most of the time.. Anyways after work I was doing what I always do stand by my truck and talk to my buddies from work and let the rest of the madness leave the parking lot... So then my Ex GF pulls up next to my truck and wanted to talk... She asked me for a CD that I might of had in my truck which I did but it was a CD she never really listened to anyways.. No big deal I didn't make much of it.. She then started to try and talk to me about work and joking etc... I pretty much gave her short answers without being a dick but without opening myself too much to her... Anyways I was the one to cut the convo and said anyways I gotta go back to my buddies and she looked a little disappointed and and said alright ill ttyl or text you later. So I didn't make much of it my buddies and I pretty much all told ourselves wtf did she want... Anyways I find out the next day that she was talking to one of my buddies from work (Her friend as well) and was telling him how she missed me and was sad and that it was only getting worst everyday. Once I heard this I sent her a short but sweet text saying " Hey I was thinking about you... Was hoping that we can hangout sometime and have a chat.. Let me know either way... She responded by saying I have plans this weekend (which I already knew about because they were planned way before we broke up) and said I would like to sometime next week... And it ended that way.. Anyways I was wondering if this was a sign of maybe we can talk about things and possibly work it out... What do you guys think? I got he miss you text and asked to meet but changed her mind. they are very confused at the moment and maybe doubting their decision, space and time will tell i suppose.
Author marccayen Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 (edited) Of course she misses you! You were an important part of her life and of course she's gonna miss the comfort you provide. That doesn't mean she wants to get back together. What's done is done, though. I would let her come to you. You have let her know you want to talk, that you're thinking about her, etc. The ball is in her court. Let it be up to her if she approaches you. If she texts you and makes plans to talk, go. However remember YOU WERE the one who was initiating this meet. So what do you want out of it? What are you going to say to her? Do you want to get back together? Have you solved the initial reason for the breakup? ("needing time" is usually a cover. But if that's all she needed, do you think this has been a sufficient enough period of time? Or is she gonna disappear again?) One approach would be to not talk about the breakup or relationship, just have a first date. But it's up to you. You know your ex better than anyone on this forum. You should also reflect on the fact that she asked you for space, and by texting her you did the exact opposite. To answer some of your questions... I feel that by getting together and being able to talk and just hangout I can possibly show her the old me... With the time we have been apart I had to the chance to take a look and see what might of contributed to the breakup.. At the time we were both going through a stressful time I had issues with my family which I may of brought a big of anger and frustration into our relationship and she had issues with a online program she was taking and with a death in the family.. I may have been a little insecure with her because of my past relationship before her (Cheated on)... See I took the time to think about these things and this chat I would like to have with her is to show her I realized and want to apologize and show her I can change.. And by hanging out I can show her the side of me that she fell in love with... I will admit things probably got a little stale and boring as I got more comfortable with her and so as she... So basically what I am trying to say I want the chance to show her and make her feel how she felt with me in the past and to talk about some of these things and possibly start fresh with only good memories and get rid of the bad ones. I talked to my buddy that has been talking to her a bit... She has said herself that she still has feelings for me but isn't sure if she is willing to get back into the relationship because of small issues we had... But tbh these issues are minor and can easily be worked out.. The type of love we have for each other doesn't deserve a breakup and i think it needed more of a break.. We have been separated for almost a month now if not over a month and I feel that we should be able to talk about these things.. Im not asking her to jump back into it with me like nothing happened but to ease back into it get to know each other again and enjoy each others company.. And the thing about standing still and backing off and letting them come to you... Just shows them you moved on and don't care anymore. This gives them the right to feel like they can go do whatever they want now. I even started seeing a new girl a few weeks ago but broke it off because I still love my ex and would much rather work it out with her then make her jealous... Mind games don't work and normally backfire and blowup in your face. Edited July 20, 2013 by marccayen
LinkWorshiper Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I think you have to do what you feel is right. Everybody can give their opinion but in the end, you are the one who has to decide. You know her best, so you probably already know what the best choice is. Not that there isn't good advice to be found on these kinds of forums, but I think that even if almost everyone tells you to do one thing and you feel it's the wrong move, then it's probably the wrong move, you know? I think something to keep in mind, though... you don't want your *old* relationship back. You want *her* back, but not that same relationship. You want a new relationship with her. The new her she took space to work on. So show her not the old you, but the new you. A you that is fresh and improved upon so she can feel like if she does enter into a relationship with you again, it won't be the same old crap again, but something better.
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