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Have you ever been so heartbroken you are afraid to sleep?

youngnlove89

By youngnlove89
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

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I recommend the audio book by Eckhart Tolle called "The Power of Now" It is a kind of a spiritual guide. It speaks of how to quiet your mind and actually only use it as necessary, like a tool for a specific job. A hammer to drive a nail. And then, when the job or task is done, you put the tool down. You turn your thoughts off. Compulsive thinking afflicts almost everyone and never has a positive purpose or outcome. This book also explains how we should strive to live in this exact moment only. The past only holds, anger, bitterness, regret and resentment. While the future only holds worry, stress, unease, anxiety and tension. Of course this is a 50,000 foot view of the ideas expressed in this book, but it helped me, and it sounds like it may be of some help to you as well.

 

If you want, I will send you a flash drive with the mp3 file of the book.

 

Thank you. Yes, I am interested.

amkxoxo Established Member

amkxoxo

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I know the feeling. I was in a similar state. Except opposite. I would be anxious to sleep but once I did, it was like it never happened. I could pretend that we weren't broken up and I could talk to him tomorrow. When I was asleep I couldn't feel pain. Many times he would be in my dreams. I wouldn't want to wake up because it would be so real then. I would try to go back to sleep constantly in the morning, because as soon as I woke up I would realize I'm alone. This is so sad I'm sorry, this isn't to make you feel bad. I understand is all. It gets better. Its been weeks, and Yes I still have some symptoms, its been less and less. Like some days I will be laying in bed or just waking up and I think of all the times we lay in bed, and things we did, talked about, etc... and I miss that closeness. It makes me sad, but its only maybe twice a week. When I dream of him its sad because sometimes the dreams are good, and sometimes they are my worst nightmare (him getting back with his ex). It gets easier to cope with, when you haven't seen or talked to them in a while. Make a new sleep routine before you go to bed to keep your mind off of it. Start reading a new book or something. I hope you feel better.

iris219 Established Member

iris219

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Is this normal? How do I get over this?

 

No, it's not exactly normal, though it's not entirely uncommon.

 

Emotionally stable people with a strong sense of self don't completely fall apart after a breakup. Breakups are hard for everyone but they shouldn't be devastating. I mean, people get left after 20 years of marriage and a couple of kids and they deal with it. If a breakup is life-shattering, you need to figure out what it is about YOU that is making it so incredible difficult.

 

I too went through a terrible breakup years ago (couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, constant nausea, no energy, constant feelings of hopelessness). From that, I realized that I had such a difficult time with the breakup because without him I felt as if had nothing. I had put so much effort and energy towards the relationship that once it was gone, I felt as though my entire world was gone.

 

I defined myself as his gf, not as Iris. I needed to work on being Iris independent of him. I realized I needed to create a life that without him was worthwhile and satisfying.

 

It also sounds like you have some addiction issues, in that you are addicted to your ex. I found this book helpful. You might want to Goggle Obsessive Love: When it Hurts Too Much To Let Go.

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youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

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I know the feeling. I was in a similar state. Except opposite. I would be anxious to sleep but once I did, it was like it never happened. I could pretend that we weren't broken up and I could talk to him tomorrow. When I was asleep I couldn't feel pain. Many times he would be in my dreams. I wouldn't want to wake up because it would be so real then. I would try to go back to sleep constantly in the morning, because as soon as I woke up I would realize I'm alone. This is so sad I'm sorry, this isn't to make you feel bad. I understand is all. It gets better. Its been weeks, and Yes I still have some symptoms, its been less and less. Like some days I will be laying in bed or just waking up and I think of all the times we lay in bed, and things we did, talked about, etc... and I miss that closeness. It makes me sad, but its only maybe twice a week. When I dream of him its sad because sometimes the dreams are good, and sometimes they are my worst nightmare (him getting back with his ex). It gets easier to cope with, when you haven't seen or talked to them in a while. Make a new sleep routine before you go to bed to keep your mind off of it. Start reading a new book or something. I hope you feel better.

 

:(

 

It is so hard. Even throughout the day it lingers. But at least I'm not laying in bed still.

 

I miss him so much. Even after all the bad stuff. 2.5 years gone. I feel like he died. And my anxiety comes from him hanging out with his ex gf. Whether he was cheating on me or not, she now has him to herself. I don't get him anymore. That makes me panic. Are they gonna get back together? Are they going to have sex? I get so scared.

mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

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Thank you. Yes, I am interested.

 

PM me where you want it sent I will get it to you. I will even pay for shipping and give you a free flash drive :D

petall Established Member

petall

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:(

 

It is so hard. Even throughout the day it lingers. But at least I'm not laying in bed still.

 

I miss him so much. Even after all the bad stuff. 2.5 years gone. I feel like he died. And my anxiety comes from him hanging out with his ex gf. Whether he was cheating on me or not, she now has him to herself. I don't get him anymore. That makes me panic. Are they gonna get back together? Are they going to have sex? I get so scared.

 

 

Do you have something like a 24-hour confidential helpline you can ring? I call the Samaritans whenever I get my anxiety attacks. Having a 3rd party unknown listen to me really helps me release my emotions because I can say anything I want.

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youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

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Do you have something like a 24-hour confidential helpline you can ring? I call the Samaritans whenever I get my anxiety attacks. Having a 3rd party unknown listen to me really helps me release my emotions because I can say anything I want.

 

I don't know where to find that?

JDPT Established Member

JDPT

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I don't know where to find that?

 

LS requires a premium subscription in order to have access to PMs.

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youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

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LS requires a premium subscription in order to have access to PMs.

 

I know this.

 

What are you talking about?

petall Established Member

petall

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I don't know where to find that?

 

 

Don't know which country you are in. If UK or some other first world country, you should be able to google for these sort of numbers where you can call and talk to someone in confidence. Try googling for things like mental health/suicide/anxiety helpline etc.

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It-is-what-it-is. Established Member

It-is-what-it-is.

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:(

 

It is so hard. Even throughout the day it lingers. But at least I'm not laying in bed still.

 

I miss him so much. Even after all the bad stuff. 2.5 years gone. I feel like he died. And my anxiety comes from him hanging out with his ex gf. Whether he was cheating on me or not, she now has him to herself. I don't get him anymore. That makes me panic. Are they gonna get back together? Are they going to have sex? I get so scared.

 

Hi Young,

You are cycling pretty badly and with lack of sleep or food or water you are just wrecking your body. You may find a little break at a psych unit at the local hospital a great thing. They can help you with therapy, meds and people who really get what's going on chemically with you. If you have something like depression or bi polar they are most prepared to help you out. Think about it

 

You already know intellectually that "the Dirtbag" never was a good guy for you. He has never had any of the romantic attributes you are now missing, you are rewriting history. He helped you deal with an awful incident in your life but then was an ass to you.

 

People are giving you lots of hints on how they dealt with grief in various ways. Some of those ideas will definitely help you.

 

You do however need to start to help yourself.

 

Keep trying. Think about going to the ER and getting some help today.

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youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

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Hi Young,

You are cycling pretty badly and with lack of sleep or food or water you are just wrecking your body. You may find a little break at a psych unit at the local hospital a great thing. They can help you with therapy, meds and people who really get what's going on chemically with you. If you have something like depression or bi polar they are most prepared to help you out. Think about it

 

You already know intellectually that "the Dirtbag" never was a good guy for you. He has never had any of the romantic attributes you are now missing, you are rewriting history. He helped you deal with an awful incident in your life but then was an ass to you.

 

People are giving you lots of hints on how they dealt with grief in various ways. Some of those ideas will definitely help you.

 

You do however need to start to help yourself.

 

Keep trying. Think about going to the ER and getting some help today.

 

I don't have the money to be admitted. I have work also, I can't.

 

I think my stress stems from trying to help him and understand him. He has commitment phobia and I know he will be back.

 

But this time he pushed me too far. I'm so emotionally unstable I would get anxiety if he wanted me back. I'd be too scared to have him back in my life.

Echo000 Established Member

Echo000

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younglove89-

 

i can so relate to your pain. But you have reached such a low, low place. He is a trigger for major anxiety and depression at this point. it seems like this has consumed so much of your life :(

 

I hope you really can mean it (as best you can) when you say you have been pushed too far. Until you let him go FOR GOOD, FOREVER, you will never find peace. I know how hard that is to accept. I am trying to do the same thing, accept that this person is (and must be) out of my life for good.

 

I feel for you, my own shattered heart reaches out to yours. Wish we could all just be healthy and happy, but unfortunately that takes time, dedication, and hard work.

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youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

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By the way I don't think I'm crazy enough to go into a mental hospital. I was googling it and this is coming from a guard at a mental health hospital:

 

The most disturbing individual is a younger guy who is 5'2 and raped his own two year old daughter to death; this just really bothers me. We have individuals who have chopped up their spouses and ate them, or even killed their parents because they thought it would save the world.

 

I am not crazy. And I don't want to be around people like that, I think I would crazy and become extremely upset/angry!

 

I am just enduring pain of a breakup and cheating. I have anxiety/depression. I'm not going to hurt myself or others. I see a psych on Tuesday, I have a massage tonight and I'm being proactive with my health and moving on.

 

I know I will get over this, I just have to get through it right now. One day at a time.

 

First step was ridding him from my life.

 

Now I'm learning to cope with that and accept it. It takes time.

Allen101 Member

Allen101

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My gf broke up with me recently and ever night after the break up I would be dead tired by the time i climb into bed, BUT the moment i lay down and try to sleep, memories of her fking creep into my mind and i end up thinking about how I could've been better and why it ended up this way. Then I'd fall asleep for 2-3 hours then wake up and start thinking again. I'm tired of this ****.. Truth is all i want is to sleep so i have less time to think about them when I am awake but it bites me in the ass cause i end up thinking about her before falling asleep..

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It-is-what-it-is. Established Member

It-is-what-it-is.

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I am just enduring pain of a breakup and cheating. I have anxiety/depression. I'm not going to hurt myself or others. I see a psych on Tuesday, I have a massage tonight and I'm being proactive with my health and moving on.

 

I know I will get over this, I just have to get through it right now. One day at a time.

 

First step was ridding him from my life.

 

Now I'm learning to cope with that and accept it. It takes time.

 

What you are referencing is a criminal mental hospital. Most psychiatric units are people who are suicidal or who are bi-polar and they do not mix violent people with normal depressed people. Do not hesitate to go if you need help, lots of normal people go to get their meds stabilized. Check out YOUR local hospital and call them if you need to.

 

I am glad to hear you are being proactive in your health. Keep it up

HokeyReligions Established Member

HokeyReligions

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This may sound silly but it does work. Its better when you are places where he never was like work or other places activities that you didn't share. Its because you don't expect him to be there. You don't visualize him there. Carry that to the places you shared. Rearrange uour furniture. Start with the bedroom. Laying in bed and looking at your room from a different perspective helps. Buy new sheets

bedspread etc. Paint the walls a different color if you can.

 

Change your routine. Drive a different route to and from work. If you are where he wasn't you won't keep turning and expecting to see him.

 

For a while after my losses I built shrines. I did not want to change anything. But as another poster pointed out you have to be responsible for your recovery. I did and do that. Often I don't feel like it. I feel like an actor and the changes I make or the way I act is all a put on for others. It may take time but eventually you will feel it. It may he a fleeting feeling but it will happen more often. Sometimes I marvel at my own actions because I am just going thru the motions when all I want to do is drop to my knees and weep but I make myself do it.

 

Watch a tv show you never watched before. Listen to different music. Even rearrange your kitchen and bathroom cabinets. Get different china or coffee mugs.

 

I can say this because I've done it and it helps. I also know my patterns and should hubby pass first I will build my shrines and close myself off and at some point someone may remind me of what I've shared here.

 

I'm in a "pre-grief" group now because of my husbands health. I had my recurring nightmare the other night where my husband dies and I am left to deal with 'time' and I finally wake up crying. I know what it isto both fear sleeping and to crave its escape.

 

Rearrange your furniture. Seriously it helps.

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Divasu Established Member

Divasu

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Cry. Throw up. Sip on water. Eat some soup. Cry. Pass out for 20 minutes because I'm so exhausted from crying. Wake up anxious. Talk to myself. Throw up. Get really mad. Cry. Think. Love. Miss.

 

I'm so physically/mentally drained and exhausted. I can't fall asleep because I'm afraid to go to bed. I think it's because I'm so anxious and then when I'm laying there I think of him and how much I miss him and then I start to cry.

 

When I do fall asleep it's only for a little and then I wake up and it starts all over again.

 

I've never cried this hard before, I'm afraid I can't do this alone.

 

Is this normal? How do I get over this?

 

:( I'm sorry things didn't work out. After you spent time on that CD and everything! :mad:

 

Grieving is perfectly normal. Unless you're about to harm someone else or harm yourself, you're going to be fine.

 

I had a very bizarre reaction to the end of a relationship, similar to people who say they've experienced the presence of a loved one after they died. I know it was just my body's emotional response to the 'separation', and that he wasn't actually there with me, because he's alive and well. :laugh:

 

You're grieving a loss, so don't feel guilty over it or think that it's wrong or that there is something wrong with you. Treat yourself with kindness and be mindful of your physical health. Hang in there. :bunny:

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skydiveaddict Established Member

skydiveaddict

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So here I am, an hour before I need to wake up, typing this. I can't sleep. I can't eat and I can't focus.

 

I already told you. Get a script from your doc. Why do you insist on putting yourself through this?

Mack05 Established Member

Mack05

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So you wrote this more or less a year ago..

 

 

 

Yet here you a year later still hung up on a guy you have no future with who treats you like crap. Endless back and forths, threads, endless musings, ramblings, poems, and everything else in between. You are a beautiful young girl in the prime of her life wasting precious time on a total loser who never deserved you.

 

This obsession with this man is costing you so much. When are you actually going to take control of your life back? When are you going to walk the walk instead of just talking the talk.

 

First step I have no idea if you are in therapy. If you are not, go. If you are, switch therapists because this one clearly isn't working. Second step you make a promise to NEVER speak to this man again. Right now when he see's you he see's doormat across your head. He doesn't respect you because you don't respect yourself. He is the pied piper and you dance to his merry tune. Respecting yourself is showing strength and removing negative influences from your life. He is a negative influence, remove it..No more excuses.

 

There is a HUGE amount of potential in you, but right now you are selling yourself so short. This website has it uses, but in truth you are relying too much on it. I think its come to a point its having a negative impact on you instead of a positive influence. It appears to me you use this website to avoid truly dealing with what is inside. You feel uncomfortable, post new thread..answers maybe give you a temporary relief I dunno, but right now LS is not working for you IMO.

 

You are not turning this inwards, you are not growing emotionally. Just stuck stagnated in the same rut. This behaviour is so unhealthy its not even funny. Most people learn and grow from a breakup. From the outside I don't see any real or genuine progress from you...

 

Tomorrow is not guarenteed. I've had a work colleague my own age suddenly die in a tragic accident two days ago. I've seen my best friend's dad have a routine checkup and has now gotten 2 months to live.

 

What the hell is it going to take to jolt you out of this slump??We have one shot at life. You need to really start taking yours...

 

Right now you are An ostrich with it's head in the sand..

 

I'm not saying you need you need to go to a mental hospital. I'm saying you need the help of a highly skilled, highly trained professional to help you deal with your grief. It's been one year and you are still obsessed with this guy, but to be honest this isn't even about him anymore. He is an idiot and when you finally come through this, you will see this and think to yourself what the hell was I thinking..

 

You have been through some horrible experiences which have scarred you. You need to deal with the past, before enjoying the now and having a future. Right now you are incapable of having a happy healthy relationship with anyone. It's actually impossible...

 

People give you advice on this thread, on other threads but it's a complete waste of time. Your problems lye so much deeper then anxiety attacks and not being able to sleep. This is only going to get worse too. Feelings are like weeds. If you don't deal with them, they run wild and out of control.

 

You need to find away of being happy and at peace with yourself. Right now you are an emotional mess. A very sad, unhappy conflicted girl. This is not me criticising you. I have never walked in your shoes. I can't feel your pain. I only want to help you, but you have to want to help yourself.

 

The first step to internal peace and happiness is talk to a professional. They are trained in area's no one on this site is (well maybe there are trained therapists here, but I highly doubt it). They can help you formulate and strategise a plan of action. To work through your sadness and pain in a healthy constructive way.

 

It's easier just to ignore me youngnlove right? It's 'ignoring' things that has gotten you into this mess...Posting thread after thread simply won't help you. It's gotten WAY beyond that. There are so many things happening under the surface that you are not seeing or capable of seeing right now. This is why I urge you to see professional help ASAP as it's sad to watch this trainwreck every day and feel totally powerless to stop it..

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youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

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I already told you. Get a script from your doc. Why do you insist on putting yourself through this?

 

I do not like medications. I have gone through Seratonin Syndrome which basically felt like death and I've also experience crazy symptoms with SSRI's. Same with sleeping pills. I still wake up with them, but I'm physically exhausted and can't move, but my mind is spinning.

 

And Mack, I appreciate the words, seriously. But I feel like you are making this such a bigger deal than it is. I'm not crazy. And I AM seeing a psychologist on Tuesday if you have been reading what I'm writing.

 

I'm being proactive. Last night I still woke up at 12am and started to panic a little, but I somehow calmed myself down and went back to sleep. It was great. I still wake up with sadness, but I open the blinds and let the sun in, it's amazing how that kind of brightens your spirits. I got a massage last night, an hour and a half, and it was so relaxing. Truly needed.

 

Today I'm going to cover someone at work for a little than I'm going to shop for my mom's birthday gift. Then I just want to come home and watch the new season of "Orange is the New Black" on Netflix.

 

I purchased the book "Women Who Love Too Much" and I'm going to start reading that. I also am going to find a little hobby to do at an Arts N Crafts store and just watch TV and play with my new hobby, keep my mind busy.

 

I'm being proactive. I don't need to submit myself to a mental health facility. It has not come to that. I am simply going through a breakup. Yes, it is one from a relationship that has been toxic and off and on. But this time I'm learning and practicing to help myself become stronger so I don't go back to him anymore. This is the first time I've tried to move on, enhance my life, improve my self esteem and work on letting go.

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youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

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:( I'm sorry things didn't work out. After you spent time on that CD and everything! :mad:

 

Grieving is perfectly normal. Unless you're about to harm someone else or harm yourself, you're going to be fine.

 

I had a very bizarre reaction to the end of a relationship, similar to people who say they've experienced the presence of a loved one after they died. I know it was just my body's emotional response to the 'separation', and that he wasn't actually there with me, because he's alive and well. :laugh:

 

You're grieving a loss, so don't feel guilty over it or think that it's wrong or that there is something wrong with you. Treat yourself with kindness and be mindful of your physical health. Hang in there. :bunny:

 

Thank you for not considering me crazy, but normal :)

 

That actually helps me feel better. :bunny:

It-is-what-it-is. Established Member

It-is-what-it-is.

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Young

 

Sorry you took my suggestion to go to the psychiatric unit at your hospital as a negative. As I mentioned before, I have a lot of experience with brain chemistry disorders (the full spectrum) in my family so I do not see this as a negative, it is just dealing with a medical condition. You would not avoid going to the hospital if you had a broken bone or was in a diabetic coma. You get appropriate help.

 

Crazy is the outward description of illogical behavior, which may be a symptom of a chemical imbalance. For example, did you know that diabetics will act angry if their blood sugar is off? Crazy is not a diagnosis.

 

I am glad to see that you are being proactive and working on coping. I also am glad that you are seeing a therapist next week.

iouaname Established Member

iouaname

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I do not like medications. I have gone through Seratonin Syndrome which basically felt like death and I've also experience crazy symptoms with SSRI's. Same with sleeping pills. I still wake up with them, but I'm physically exhausted and can't move, but my mind is spinning.

 

And Mack, I appreciate the words, seriously. But I feel like you are making this such a bigger deal than it is. I'm not crazy. And I AM seeing a psychologist on Tuesday if you have been reading what I'm writing.

 

I'm being proactive. Last night I still woke up at 12am and started to panic a little, but I somehow calmed myself down and went back to sleep. It was great. I still wake up with sadness, but I open the blinds and let the sun in, it's amazing how that kind of brightens your spirits. I got a massage last night, an hour and a half, and it was so relaxing. Truly needed.

 

Today I'm going to cover someone at work for a little than I'm going to shop for my mom's birthday gift. Then I just want to come home and watch the new season of "Orange is the New Black" on Netflix.

 

I purchased the book "Women Who Love Too Much" and I'm going to start reading that. I also am going to find a little hobby to do at an Arts N Crafts store and just watch TV and play with my new hobby, keep my mind busy.

 

I'm being proactive. I don't need to submit myself to a mental health facility. It has not come to that. I am simply going through a breakup. Yes, it is one from a relationship that has been toxic and off and on. But this time I'm learning and practicing to help myself become stronger so I don't go back to him anymore. This is the first time I've tried to move on, enhance my life, improve my self esteem and work on letting go.

 

I think you're going to be fine. Not to minimize what you are feeling at all, because I was there at one point as well (I also had thoughts of suicide), but the fact that you are making plans and putting in an effort to do something shows that you'll be able to get through this just fine.

LostGirl11 Established Member

LostGirl11

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I listen to a talk show on the radio when I go to bed, and I make myself listen to every word so mind doesn't drift to him. It helps a lot. Also, do you go to bed really early? Maybe you should try going to bed a little later so you're extra tired, too tired to think.

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