Nela Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 I've never been in a relationship prior to this one, so am looking for some insight really! I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years (we're both late 20's), although we've been best friends for 4 years. I love him lots. And in the beginning everything was awesome. I think back then, I loved him more than he loved me and now it's the other way around. Lately, I've been feeling anxious about us. I've been wondering whether I'm still in love and whether I still want to be with him. I can't think of any reason not to be with him, except my anxiousness. He treats me right, we have similar morals and values and life expectations. We are definitely compatible. I just feel anxious sometimes when I think about us. Sex has still been good. I enjoy having sex, but don't have the drive to initiate, if that makes sense? Then add to it, that I've been away for a couple of weeks to the other side of the world, and I sometimes miss him, and then sometimes I don't. Then when we talk, I get this anxious feeling in my tummy again. I don't like it. It's making me doubt everything, which is just making everything worse. And when he tells me how much he loves me and misses me, I feel guilty because I don't feel exactly the same (I did in the past). People always say you shouldn't stay with someone for the wrong reasons. What are wrong reasons? And I know you're supposed to have ups and downs in relationships, but what are ups and downs? What's normal? Can you fall out of love and then in love again? And is that normal? I don't want to break up with him, but I'm also not completely happy. I just don't know why I'm not completely happy I don't know what my anxious tummy means! I'm really confused at the moment and hate that I have nothing to relate to. I'm hoping that this is a phase! I'm hoping that when I see him again everything will fall into place. But what if it doesn't? What if he turns out to be nothing more than my best friend whom I love lots? Would it be terrible to spend the rest of my life with my best friend? After all, he makes me feel safe, he's stable, he'd be a good dad and I love him. Is being in love really necessary? Thanks for all your help...
Phantom888 Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Ask yourself this: 1) Are you having feelings for someone else? 2) Is there any resentment that is not discussed? 3) Do you feel there is conflict, internally or externally? 4) Are you getting bored? It's true that you should not stay with someone for the "wrong" reason. The wrong reason is usually something like, "but we have been together for so long..." or "I'm feel so safe and comfortable in this relationship". People often don't realize that a relationship needs to be nourished. I think the 7 years mark is usually the "bump" for most long term couples. Since you have only been romantically involved for 2 years, it's way too soon to have these anxieties. Maybe you are just falling out of love with him. This happens all the time. You have outgrown him.
dasein Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 At some point in every relationship, being "in love" stops being a feeling and starts being an active choice. When the butterflies fade, and you still choose to love and care for someone because the relationship works, you are happy the other person loves you, they are a positive addition to your life, then you have grown up into an adult. Lots never make it there, and this is an underlying cause of lots of the relationship failures in our gratification/hedonistic culture of today. 1
Author Nela Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 (edited) I don't like anyone else, no resentment, no (undiscussed) conflict. Sure we have discussions, but we always make up. Bored? I still like doing things together, and spending time with just the two of us. So I guess not! Does it mean anything that I prefer the dasein's comment? I like that idea. Still open for comments. Ps, just found this: http://conscious-transitions.com/relief-from-relationship-anxiety-guest-post-from-the-conscious-weddings-e-course-forum/ To me, this makes perfect sense....... Edited July 18, 2013 by Nela
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