Its arrogance....not confidence

[MrCastle]

It depends on what you feel is jerky, or arrogant behavior.

 

We live in a generation of pussies. Most "men," or I should say, most humans that own penises are not men nowadays. We live in an extremely feminized culture where classic masculinity is shamed by both feminist women and feminist men alike.

 

But I believe you can't change what women find attractive personality wise deep down. And the same for men. I always say, men want women, women want men.

 

Confidence/arrogance, like everything else in life, is subjective.

 

I may say or do something and feel like it's confident. Others may look at me and say it's arrogance.

 

I think the trap some men fall into is trying to be the guy women say they want as opposed to looking at the men she actually ends up with.

 

For all the complaining they do about the typical man -- "oh he's not romantic enough," "oh he never texts me," "oh all he wants to do is stay home and watch tv, never take me anywhere interesting," blah blah blah -- that guy always gets laid.

 

I was once one of those guys. I would listen to women complain about their bfs and say "ok so I just need to do the opposite of that and I'll be good!"

 

Wrong.

 

What women say they want and what they actually end up with are often different things.

[hppr]

Throughout my life, I have noticed that the majority of men that I view as arrogant and egotistical tend to have very attractive wives or girlfriends.

 

Think about it....if you go to childrens sporting events....usually many of the coaches are the over-aggressive, macho, type males. And many men and women see them as arrogant, boastful, over achieving type jerks. Yet I'd say a good 75% of the time...those guys are with a very attractive woman.

 

How do attractive women see his actions and personality as confidence....when most of us see it as arrogance and being a jerk??

 

Does anyone else live in suburbia....and witness the same patterns to human behavior?

 

Those very attractive women are attention whores and can only function when they are paired with guys who are jackholes. If you want a girl like that you sort of have to mimic their behavior and you have to keep up the charade for the duration of the relationship.

[hppr]

as a man youre better off being arrogant then quiet and humble

 

Dominance turns women on and arrrogance can convey that

 

Its a fine line between masculine traits and being a jerk and sometimes that little arrogance or jerkness can still turn some women on because they see it as power or dominance

 

It's really 2 parts; be good looking and be kinda selfish to put it mildly.

 

The 'nice guy' types end up in the friend zone because they are comforting and caring but no sexual attraction so women save them for later. Like, when the jerky hot boyfriend hurts her feelings...off to Mr. Friendzone for a shoulder to cry on.

 

Some women realize they can have a man that's both, those are the women to look for. They don't last long on the single's market though.

[Pompeii]

It depends on what you feel is jerky, or arrogant behavior.

 

We live in a generation of pussies. Most "men," or I should say, most humans that own penises are not men nowadays. We live in an extremely feminized culture where classic masculinity is shamed by both feminist women and feminist men alike.

 

But I believe you can't change what women find attractive personality wise deep down. And the same for men. I always say, men want women, women want men.

 

Confidence/arrogance, like everything else in life, is subjective.

 

I may say or do something and feel like it's confident. Others may look at me and say it's arrogance.

 

I think the trap some men fall into is trying to be the guy women say they want as opposed to looking at the men she actually ends up with.

 

For all the complaining they do about the typical man -- "oh he's not romantic enough," "oh he never texts me," "oh all he wants to do is stay home and watch tv, never take me anywhere interesting," blah blah blah -- that guy always gets laid.

 

I was once one of those guys. I would listen to women complain about their bfs and say "ok so I just need to do the opposite of that and I'll be good!"

 

Wrong.

 

What women say they want and what they actually end up with are often different things.

 

 

That's all, folks.

 

That's why I stopped paying attention to what women say a few months back.

[Eddie Edirol]

I still dont agree.

 

If a guy gets shot down more times than he's succesful, does that mean he's confident?? No, but I guarantee if he keeps approaching women, some women will label him confident just because of him performing the act of approaching

 

All I'm saying is that too many women blindly toss that label around, on way too many guys, and way too many situations that dont fit and dont deserve it.

 

You dont have to agree, but you'll stay lonely. Youre forgetting about the part where the guy LEARNS why he gets shot down too many times, and actually gets confidence when he later is more successful. Youve never done it, so you have no idea and wouldnt understand. You know why women label him as confident when he approaches? (When the guy does it right anyway) Because the pussies are too afraid to do it, dont know what they are doing with dating, they see the pussies all around, and women are turned off by the pussies. Some think its indicative of the guys confidence in general. Thats the way the perception is. Women are attracted to it, it will always be that way whether you like it or not. If you are oozing non-confidence or insecurity when you talk to women, they can smell it a mile away and you will always repel them. Even if you live in a world where you meet women at friends parties and dont have to do cold approaches, theres plenty of ways for you to turn off a woman with insecurity, and you gotta learn what those ways are. Im sure you are confident in yourself in general. But usually anyone with a brain can sniff out insecurity with anyone, so you cant hide it with pretty women who have grown up seeing insecure guys try to talk to them.

Edited July 21, 2013 by Eddie Edirol

[Pyro]

So basically its all about being a loudmouth or boisterous...when it comes down to it.

 

Kind of the same as being rich....if you flaunt it and you make a name for yourself....you will receive attention

 

If do not flaunt your wealth you would get treated as a regular everyday Joe

 

Which in my eyes....means that women are simply attracted to guys that flaunt "X" . . X = whatever it is that they have and women perceive to want.

 

You do realise that there are over 7 billion people (maybe 8) in this world. Just over half of them are female.

 

That makes it possible that plenty of women out there are attracted to men who flaunt "x" and that plenty of women out there are attracted to the type who don't find it necessary to flaunt.

 

Another ridiculous "all or most women are the same" belief.

[MrTurk]

You do realise that there are over 7 billion people (maybe 8) in this world. Just over half of them are female.

 

That makes it possible that plenty of women out there are attracted to men who flaunt "x" and that plenty of women out there are attracted to the type who don't find it necessary to flaunt.

 

Another ridiculous "all or most women are the same" belief.

 

 

Its easy to come off like that when you look at it from a generalized point of view...rather than taking the time to understand the context of the discussion.

 

But I realize there's over 7 billion people in this world, and many of them speak without thinking

[GreatKissser]

How can one be arrogant and over-achieving? If someone over-achieves, they can back up what they say, so it's confidence. Arrogance infers the Dunning-Kruger effect.

 

I have a shirt that says:

 

Arrogance...

is nothing more than

confidence, misplaced.

You can tell me, yourself,

If I'm arrogant or confident...

 

...tomorrow morning.

[jma500]

Arrogance and confidence are not the same thing at all. Nor is arrogance dominance. Arrogance is actually a form of insecurity. Example: I don't know anything about the subject they are talking about but I will speak louder than anyone else in the room and everyone will think I do. Arrogance is a personal mask for some people to hide behind so they do not have to admit some rather uncomfortable truths to themselves. It is a shame some people cannot see/understand the difference between confidence and arrogance. These poor souls that cannot tell the difference leave themselves wide open to a life of being used and abused.

[HiddenUser]

I don't think they're attracted to arrogance so much as they are confidence and security. I would much rather live a humble, intelligent life than run around acting like an arrogant ass. I know better, and it just wouldn't sit right with me to fake knowing this or knowing that. Don't change for the world, man, be who you are and people will gravitate toward you.

[MrTurk]

Arrogance is actually a form of insecurity. Example: I don't know anything about the subject they are talking about but I will speak louder than anyone else in the room and everyone will think I do.

 

Scientific studies have proven that to be true. People in a group will tend to conform to someone if they constantly talk louder, and in a more dominant voice.....even if that person is wrong.

[MrTurk]

Don't change for the world, man, be who you are and people will gravitate toward you.

 

I keep being who I am everyday....and I really dont know anyone that cares to be around me much at all.

[MrTurk]

Maybe that's because the person you are is a bitter, jaded, cynical, dullard. When women say "be yourself" they mean not to put up a false face.

 

I think what it comes down to.....

 

Most people like to be liked. They like attention and being popular.

 

I on the other hand dont care if anyone likes me or not. I do not put on a false face(as many do) just for attention.

 

I am not rude, but I am honest. And honesty in our society does not bode well.

 

According to deception expert Pamela Meyer, the average person lies three times within the first minute of meeting a stranger and between 10 and 200 times per day. We handle this constant lying well considering how remarkably often it occurs, but that's especially easy to do when we have an easy time ignoring the consequences.

 

http://lifehacker.com/5968613/what-lying-actually-does-to-your-brain-and-body-every-day

 

LYING is part of daily routine in our society. And people that dont lie....tend to be shunned as outcasts....because they dont fit in with all the bullsh*t and one-uppers that go along with it.

[KungFuJoe]

I on the other hand dont care if anyone likes me or not. I do not put on a false face(as many do) just for attention.

 

See THIS is your problem. You're talking about two completely separate things.

 

I care if people like me or not. It's NORMAL to do so...just like it's normal to care if your boss thinks you're doing a good job or not. It shows that you belong to society and have a positive impact on people around you and your job.

 

BUT, I don't put on a false face to achieve it. I am who I am...if you like me for it (and most people do) then great. If you don't...well...too bad but there's nothing I can (or want) to do about it.

[MrTurk]

 

You say you don't care what people think, but all your posts are around why certain types of people are successful with women, and bemoaning the fact. If you don't care, why do you moan about it so much?

 

 

Because I am inquisitive

 

Being inquisitive about situations and others....is not the same ball park as me worrying about what others think of me.

[HiddenUser]

When you hear women say "oh he's so confident"...ok confident about what??

 

I'm confident about almost anything I do. And even confident about doing something great if I teach myself, or was just taught by someone 5 mins ago. I'm extremely athletic, agile, I dable in understanding quantum physics, psychology, sociology, and being able to read people seeing things that many others miss......BUT since I am not boisterous, loud, and egotistical....many people do not know any of this about me.

 

But you have those guys that love attention, guys that project their business and such for everyone to hear, and work the room telling jokes, or whatever.....and people automatically label that as confident....and women automatically see him as the go-getter....and more attractive catch than they would see me.

 

 

You're a lot like I am. I'm striving to become an astrophysicist and I'm very introverted. I love quantum mechanics, I'm great with psychology, study philosophy and I'm very intuitive (I was raised by my mother). Like you, I'm very humble and don't have the loud, annoying personality that people often mistake for confidence. It makes your actions worthless when you boast about yourself. Let me share a quick anecdote with you that I think you'll find interesting:

 

I took a composition class last semester and had this very loud, very annoying guy in my class. All he did was talk and do things to draw attention to himself. He'd write random crap on the board, bring in his long-board for the sole purpose of showing off, talk incessantly and just be annoying as **** in general. He would always talk during the classroom discussions and would cuss like no other. I happened to sit at a table of all girls and despite all of his annoyances, they would talk about how charming he was. It baffled me that nobody knew this kid was hiding something. He wasn't smart at all. Our assignments usually consisted of reading each others' papers and giving feedback. His writing was awful. He had no concept of spelling, grammar or general readability and flow. I'm not saying I'm the best at it, but when you're 21 and misspelling "a lot," someone failed you at some point in your life. It finally started to dawn on people that this guy would never, ever shutup. Even the teacher, who saw him just as charming as everyone else did, started to let her anger seep through about his constant talking, tapping, humming and singing when she was trying to talk to the class. The girls who thought he was charming started to realize it and their ideas of him dwindled tenfold.

 

Don't let it get to you, man. Guys like this might attract a lot of attention in the short term, but women look for more than good looks and loud personalities. There's a difference between being confident and being arrogant, too. Women that are mature enough to understand arrogance don't normally find it attractive. Whichever person in this thread was trying to buff himself up by talking about "sissy men" or "feminized men" is exactly that. He's not comfortable with himself and mature women see right through that ****. They don't want to be with a man who puts others down to make himself feel like more of a man. It reeks of insecurity.

 

There are an infinite amount of variations to women and their excitements. Some women like men who are shy and intimidated by their beauty. Others prefer men who are confident enough to play the game of romance. The real key is simply to improve yourself. Confidence is about knowing who you are, knowing what you want and not being afraid to do what you want (like chasing a woman). I've never been a very confident fellow and it's the reason a lot of my dates have failed. I've started to change my ways and I'm already seeing instant results. I'm being hit on more often and I'm approaching more women. You should see the looks of desire that I get when I tell women that they're beautiful. They see me as a confident go-getter when in reality I'm just as timid as you.

Edited August 5, 2013 by HiddenUser

[MrTurk]

They see me as a confident go-getter when in reality I'm just as timid as you.

 

I'm not timid genius. I just refuse to be a boisterous loudmouth like many guys are.

 

And I will never chase a woman. I never had to chase women when I was younger, and never had trouble getting dates.

 

The problem now is that I'm in my 40's.....and I'm still the same guy I was 20 years ago.....but is no reason for anyone to give a f*ck about me.....because women know they have 10 other guys waiting to chase them and play all the games they want.

[strongnrelaxed]

Arrogance is one of those terms that says more about the person using it than the person presumably exhibiting it.

 

Why do you think this entire category of successful human beings is arrogant? You might want to look into that.

 

Success and assertiveness looks arrogant to people who are shy, introverted, insecure, jealous or have deeper problems. Sometimes a person who seems arrogant is truly arrogant.

 

I would look into the mirror first. If you were talking about one or two people, I would answer a different way. But you made broad sweeping generalizations. I admit I do the same thing, but you are off on this one methinks.