Allen101 Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 So my ex of 9 months broke of with me via text a few days back, I knew our relationship wasnt that great at the end but i never thought she wouldve decided to just end it like that. So I began going NC but i was tempted so bad to text her, which I eventually did. I know BIG mistake BUT During my NC period all i could think about was who she was with and whom she's out with, and what she was doing, it made me feel like crap and worthless. When I broke the NC and decided to text her, I asked her everything that was going through my mind during those days of NC. I asked if there was a chance that she'll ever change her mind, or that if she can actually meet up with me or call me to discuss it. Or if there was another guy in her life. She answered "no" to all of those. I know it was wrong of me to break NC but i feel as if i gained closure from texting her, cause this time i was able to get everything off of my mind and by doing so i accepted that she had moved on. Basically what im getting at is, is that NC became less painful for me after I was able to ask her all the questions going through my mind, instead of just bottling it up. So for everyone out there, i think you should try to find closure first before going NC to make it more bearable for yourself. But hey, that's just my opinion and since this is my first breakup im not the best person in terms of experience, but I just wanted to get that idea out there incase it'll help someone else.
AllTooWell Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 I've said this before Breaking NC isn't something to beat yourself up about. Often, when you struggle and break it, you see the true side of this person. You see they really don't want to be with you, don't care for you anymore, etc and that allows you to restart NC without the temptation of reaching out to contact them. That being said, in some ways it is still better to just carry on with NC. But you deal with your situation. There is no way to turn back the clock, so learn from what happened and move on!
Own Worst Enemy Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 it depends on your feelings about them, and your truthful, honest motivations for doing it. personally, NC is bliss rather than steeling myself to hear the dreaded words, "i've met someone else." i would go to any lengths to avoid that, and there will be no fb stalking, no twitter-age, nothing. so if you're looking to heal and move on, to the stage where they mean nothing to you, then NC is the quickest and least painful route. it's not easy. but it's less painful than KNOWING they are boning someone else. so if you feel like breaking it, examine your motivations carefully. separate that tiny cruel shred of hope from genuine reasons. then see what's left. usually the genuine reasons can wait a few months until the dust has settled. if not, go ahead. just be prepared for anything from silence to more heartbreak. if it can wait, then you reassess. to quote one of my favourite break-up blogs: "if you still feel like doing it 6 months later, then go right ahead and stick your hand back in the fire. BUT don't be surprised if it still burns."
LME Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 If it gave you closure that you wanted then i think it was the right thing to do in your case. Everyone has a different situation and people do things different ways that work for them. Breaking NC is not always the end of the world, just depends.
Author Allen101 Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 Thanks guys, I've started NC up again and although she's still on my mind alot of the time i don't have that uncontrollable feeling of texting her and finding out what she's been up to. I guess it's a good thing, for now.
Echo000 Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 problem is, how long will that last? I am afraid to say that i wouldnt be suprised at all if, in a few weeks, you want to text her again. I dont think you really got any long lasting closure. Hope im wrong. 1
JDPT Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 problem is, how long will that last? I am afraid to say that i wouldnt be suprised at all if, in a few weeks, you want to text her again. I dont think you really got any long lasting closure. Hope im wrong. BINGO! I absolutely agree. After my ex decided to dump me through text I thought it was only right for her to at least face me and tell it to my face rather than email. When I managed to get her on the phone she answered the ONLY question I had for her and it was essentially what I wanted to hear so I went with what she told me (whether it was true or not) I was content with the answer. I felt amazing for roughly 2 weeks thinking "now I'm ready to move on, now that I had my one questions answered I can move on and be happy." Little did I know that joy diminished very quickly, leaving me wanting more, hence why I "relapsed" and broke NC a few days ago. I'm glad I broke NC so soon, this has put a lot of things into perspective. I now feel much stronger, determined and committed to moving on.
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