Cheated on b/f left him for another guy he still wants to stay//Torn!

[sunrays012]

I have been in a relationship for 4 1/2 years with someone. We were engaged and trying to have a baby at one point. A lot of things went on in our relationship I don't want to place blame but I was mistreated. We broke up once for about a month and a half because I felt I wasn't in love with him anymore. He asked for a 2nd chance. We got back together but still held off the engagement. He started treating me a lot better and we decided to try for a baby again (I have fertility issues and we tried naturally didn't work). Something still felt off and my eye was wondering. Someone from my past got in touch with me (someone that liked me for a long time) and we got to talking. He was married reasons being his wife got pregnant and they were having the same problem. Somewhere along the way it went from mentally cheating to making plans to have sex somewhere. Our plan was stay with our partners and see each other when we can. Not the greatest plan but thats what it was. 4 days after the 1st time we had sex him and his wife had some huge fight and decided to call it quits. I kept seeing him and we fell in love. We decided when the time was right I would tell my guy everything and leave so we could have a shot at a real relationship. During this whole thing I have felt horrible and just wanted to stop lying. My current finally caught on and asked me if I was cheating I admited it and thinking he would leave he surprised me and said "get rid of him and stay with me" I told him I didn't want to. I have feel worse now then I did while I was fooling around behind his back. How can someone just forgive cheating? How do you move past it? How will he ever trust me again? The past few days have been horrible it's been tears non stop. I am sorry and I have told him that. I took responsiblity and told him to put all the blame on me and find someone who will love him the way he deserves. This morning I saw him and I was in tears still saying I was sorry and he asked me again to get rid of him and work it out. I'm torn between someone I'm in love with who has a x wife who's taken him for everything and uses his child as a weapon. I could stay with my current and have an easy comfortable life with a family of my own. Please don't judge me I feel bad enough already. All I do lately is punish myself I just need a little advise.

Edited August 17, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Chi townD]

So, I take it that you're still seeing the guy that you're cheating on your husband with. What do you think it does to him knowing you're walking out the door and going to him? Because I have a feeling that you're not trying to hide it anymore; why would you. The cat's out of the bag.

 

And what about the OM, he's a real prince...cheating on his wife with you. Basically you both wanted your cake and eat it too. But, you got caught out. Now, the fantasy is now reality and it's not so fun anymore. All you see is a lot of pain and devastation. The OM got taken to the cleaners and doesn't have a pot to piss in because of the actions of you both.

 

And I have a hard time seeing your husband as the douche rocket you made him out to be in the first paragraph you wrote or else you wouldn't be so concerned about the pain that he's in.

 

So, my advice...divorce your husband and don't take him to the cleaners. Even if he wasn't husband of the year, he certainly didn't deserve to be treated like this. So, split the assets and move out. Go be with the OM and leave your Ex husband to find someone else.

 

But, be warned. Stats show that less than 14% of relationships that start from infidelity actually make it long term. Probably because the foundation of your relationship was built on the pain of others.

[Chi townD]

Sorry, just re-read your post and you don't actually state that he's your husband or not. Well, 5.5 years together may constitute common law depending on what state you're in....so, I might not be off the mark too much.

[LBlanc]

Not married; no kids...you could just leave...walk out.

 

Just pack your bags and leave a letter telling your bf that in as much as you want to make amends for what you did, there is really no future for both of you. That if you stay, both of you would just end up being miserable.

 

I think its better that you don't tell him that your leaving for the other guy. Just tell him that your leaving so that both of you could have better much healthier future.

 

And don't feel to bad. Your bf will be okay. If he's not so f'd up about you cheating, I doubt he will be so f'd up about you leaving.

 

Besides, based on your earlier post, he seems a bit ... immature? and unambitious?

Edited August 17, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
typo

[LBlanc]

sunray012, you guys are not still leaving in your 40 yr old bf's parents basement are you?

[sunrays012]

No we had our own apartment for a while. I had to push him out. He was out of work for a year. Then my mother bought a house and we moved upstairs from her because I wanted to start a family. I knew that the two of us would never be able to get a house of our own. He was never motivated for that kind of thing he never planned for the future or saved anything. I tried really hard with him and as much as some people may think i'm the bad guy. The way we got engaged was pretty much "**** or get off the pot"

[sunrays012]

No we had our own apartment for a while. I had to push him out. He was out of work for a year. Then my mother bought a house and we moved upstairs from her because I wanted to start a family. I knew that the two of us would never be able to get a house of our own. He was never motivated for that kind of thing he never planned for the future or saved anything. I tried really hard with him and as much as some people may think i'm the bad guy. The way we got engaged was pretty much "s*it or get off the pot"

[LBlanc]

this is going to sound cruel but. you and your mother need to kick your boyfriend out. get the police involve if he refuses

 

it seems like he's just using you.