meager Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 My boyfriend doesn't really want to have sex anymore. He's 25 and Im 21. We've been together for 18 months but only having sex for the last 2 months. For the first couple weeks he wanted to have sex 1-2 times a day. Now he hardly ever wants to. No matter what I do he doesn't get hard. He use to always want to in the morning but now he just gets out of bed and goes on the computer. The only problem he had in past relationships was he didn't last long enough. He's been with 10 people and has never not wanted sex like this. He just keeps saying he doesn't feel like it. I don't know what Im doing wrong. I've only had sex with him. I feel like Im not hot enough or good enough at sex. He's done a lot of stuff with a lot of people, including 3 somes, so it's not normal for him to not want ANYTHING. He doesn't even want to make out very much anymore. But he's NOT cheating. He's at home all the time, we live together. If he's not at home he's either at baseball (and I go as well) or he's at work. For work all he does is sit in his car (parking lot security guard) and I can go see him whenever to bring him food or whatever. He occasionally goes out with friends but I know all his friends. So trust me, he is not cheating. But he still really wants to be with me. He keeps saying how happy he is to be with me, wants to marry me, etc. So it's not that he's unhappy with the relationship anymore.
Philosoraptor Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 How is he emotionally? His life seems very mundane, any chance he's depressed? Have you asked him what turns him on or what he wants in bed?
New User Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 No matter what I do he doesn't get hard. If he's not popping when you're trying, that's a pretty strong indication that he needs to seek medical attention. Pulling back completely from physical contact could be one way to avoid the issue. It could be physical or psychological- but he needs to see a doctor. E.D. can be the canary in the coal mine for much more serious problems and I suspect that most men who suffer from it are extremely embarrassed at the prospect of having to tell a stranger (ie doctor) about it or even talk about it with the person that they love. Also, some meds can cause this- particularly some psych meds. If he's taking antidepressants that could have caused the lack of desire. 2
Keenly Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Well, the first thing all the ladies are going to say is bring up porn, but realistically, thats not your issue. If I read your thread right, you have been together 18 months, but only had sex in the 16th month, and I believe that's the problem right there. Instead of having sex when the relationship was at its highest point in the beginning and developing a bond, you guys had sex for the first time when the honeymoon phase was over. I don't think this situation is going to get any better for you.
New User Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Well, the first thing all the ladies are going to say is bring up porn, but realistically, thats not your issue. If I read your thread right, you have been together 18 months, but only had sex in the 16th month, and I believe that's the problem right there. Instead of having sex when the relationship was at its highest point in the beginning and developing a bond, you guys had sex for the first time when the honeymoon phase was over. I don't think this situation is going to get any better for you. I don't think that we really have enough information to say that. Their could be a physical cause. At his age if he isn't responding to her attempts to stimulate him, it's either a physical or a psychological block. In a case like this it's going to go beyond simply not wanting to have sex. An erection is an involuntary response- at 25 a stiff breeze can usually trigger it. OP- he really needs to see his doctor.
Author meager Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 How is he emotionally? His life seems very mundane, any chance he's depressed? Have you asked him what turns him on or what he wants in bed? Emotionally he is fine. Everything is perfect and normal except physical intimacy. Even when I joke and say **** me or something he says no. No matter what I don't turn him on anymore.
Author meager Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 I don't think that we really have enough information to say that. Their could be a physical cause. At his age if he isn't responding to her attempts to stimulate him, it's either a physical or a psychological block. In a case like this it's going to go beyond simply not wanting to have sex. An erection is an involuntary response- at 25 a stiff breeze can usually trigger it. OP- he really needs to see his doctor. Physically he's fine. He can get hard but either doesn't or doesn't want to do anything even though he's hard.
Keenly Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Physically he's fine. He can get hard but either doesn't or doesn't want to do anything even though he's hard. As you are a woman, I understand that this might seem like a true statement. But let me be the first to tell you.... when a dude has a boner, there is no "I don't want to do anything. " Being hard means he is turned on and ready to go. Your junk gets hard and is begging to be touched, there is no mad that gets hard but doesn't want anything done about it.
dasein Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 No matter what I do he doesn't get hard. Physically he's fine. He can get hard but either doesn't or doesn't want to do anything even though he's hard. Which? We can't really provide an answer here other than a trip to the doctor is in order. He could have lingering shame about premature ejaculation or there could be some real physical issue. He could have sexual identity issues, have lost sexual attraction for you, or just be one of those real people out there who doesn't enjoy sex that much. No way for us to tell here. Good luck getting things figured out and moving past it. 1
Author meager Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 Which? We can't really provide an answer here other than a trip to the doctor is in order. He could have lingering shame about premature ejaculation or there could be some real physical issue. He could have sexual identity issues, have lost sexual attraction for you, or just be one of those real people out there who doesn't enjoy sex that much. No way for us to tell here. Good luck getting things figured out and moving past it. If I try to turn him on, nothing happens. Everything that use to work doesn't anymore. But he's always hard in the morning and if he touches himself. Yet if I touch him or go down on him nothing happens really. He doesn't have any performance issues he says our sex is really good and got over his ejaculating too early. He says he doesn't have that issue anymore because he doesn't feel pressure from me. and he knows that when we have sex its really good for me.
New User Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Physically he's fine. He can get hard but either doesn't or doesn't want to do anything even though he's hard. That seems to contradict your earlier post. Like I said, an erection is an involuntary response. You can't just push the flaccid button because you don't want sex. Especially not at 25. He needs to see both a psychiatrist and a regular doctor. 1
dasein Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 There could be pain associated with sex for him, that he may not even realize himself, prostate issues, other muscle issues, could even be some form of VD that has been dormant, depression, some disease in another area than reproductive, a doctor needs to hear about this issue from him when he goes. If he gets a clean checkup, then look at his habits. Does he use porn? Does he still masturbate? Does he still kiss and hold you? You have ruled cheating out in your mind, but how can you be sure of that? Married people who seemingly spend almost all their time together still find ways to do it.
twinkie0 Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Judging by what you said, I think he's having problems and he's embarassed to tell you. What time is it, Doctor? Time for drugs, baby!
Phantom888 Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 I think it's emotional. Is he depressed? Is he bored? A guy his age should want sex all the time. Should check with a doctor. Also, really examine if he still wants to be in this relationship. I mean guys often tell you things you want to hear... He may want to end the relationship, but doesn't know how since you are already living together. It's hard to breakup when you share a home. He might be motivated to stay in this relationship just so he wouldn't have to move out!
pteromom Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 If he went 16 months without sex, it sounds to me like he doesn't have that high of a sex drive to begin with. How did the decision to wait come about? Whose idea was it? Did you do anything else (oral, hand jobs, etc) during that time?
TaraMaiden Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Have you gained weight? Are you nice to him? Something changed and its usually not the guy Except, in this case - it is. Hi, welcome back....
BradJacobs Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Is he fat? Is he depressed? At his age those are probably the two most likely reasons he'd be experiencing ED.
happydate Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 (edited) My boyfriend doesn't really want to have sex anymore. He's 25 and Im 21. We've been together for 18 months but only having sex for the last 2 months. For the first couple weeks he wanted to have sex 1-2 times a day. Now he hardly ever wants to. No matter what I do he doesn't get hard. He use to always want to in the morning but now he just gets out of bed and goes on the computer. The only problem he had in past relationships was he didn't last long enough. He's been with 10 people and has never not wanted sex like this. He just keeps saying he doesn't feel like it. I don't know what Im doing wrong. I've only had sex with him. I feel like Im not hot enough or good enough at sex. He's done a lot of stuff with a lot of people, including 3 somes, so it's not normal for him to not want ANYTHING. He doesn't even want to make out very much anymore. But he's NOT cheating. He's at home all the time, we live together. If he's not at home he's either at baseball (and I go as well) or he's at work. For work all he does is sit in his car (parking lot security guard) and I can go see him whenever to bring him food or whatever. He occasionally goes out with friends but I know all his friends. So trust me, he is not cheating. But he still really wants to be with me. He keeps saying how happy he is to be with me, wants to marry me, etc. So it's not that he's unhappy with the relationship anymore. It is possible that he had too high of an expectation of himself having hot sex with you and waited for quite a long time only to have his hopes dashed because he wanted the high in some positions and not getting it. Note his experience. So then, it becomes work for him with little of that enjoyment he was expecting. While he's horny seeing you naked with your vagina, he then equates that to work just to ejaculate. That's one possibility. Another possibility is with you. You may become too dominant and too bossy and too controlling towards him, expecting that he bows to you whenever you feel like it and putting him on a leash like you are mothering him too close. Or you nag at your man like a mother to a child. Forgot to lift down the seat, forgot the garbage and this and that and whatever and nag more. Man has feelings. Just because a woman has a vagina does not mean a man who's been put down, bossed around and leashed around like a puppy is going to be a major turn on to him. A man sometimes need little praises here and there from her woman for his accomplishments, even how little it is important. How often do you praise him when he's doing something right or he accomplished something even if it sounds silly?!? I've been in these 2 situations myself. Just letting you know of my experiences. If it's the first situation, he'll come around shortly if he truly loves you. Edited July 18, 2013 by happydate
TheGuard13 Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 I mean, he's flat out said he doesn't feel like it. That means he's either not attracted to you, doesn't value sex at this point in this life, or is physically not feeling it (tired, depressed, etc) Have you discussed this with him in detail?
ddspike21 Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 He could very well be depressed, i had the exact same issue in my last relationship, depression killed my sex drive.
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 My boyfriend doesn't really want to have sex anymore. He's 25 and Im 21. We've been together for 18 months but only having sex for the last 2 months. For the first couple weeks he wanted to have sex 1-2 times a day. Now he hardly ever wants to. No matter what I do he doesn't get hard. He use to always want to in the morning but now he just gets out of bed and goes on the computer. The only problem he had in past relationships was he didn't last long enough. He's been with 10 people and has never not wanted sex like this. He just keeps saying he doesn't feel like it. I don't know what Im doing wrong. I've only had sex with him. I feel like Im not hot enough or good enough at sex. He's done a lot of stuff with a lot of people, including 3 somes, so it's not normal for him to not want ANYTHING. He doesn't even want to make out very much anymore. But he's NOT cheating. He's at home all the time, we live together. If he's not at home he's either at baseball (and I go as well) or he's at work. For work all he does is sit in his car (parking lot security guard) and I can go see him whenever to bring him food or whatever. He occasionally goes out with friends but I know all his friends. So trust me, he is not cheating. But he still really wants to be with me. He keeps saying how happy he is to be with me, wants to marry me, etc. So it's not that he's unhappy with the relationship anymore. I have no idea in your case, but if I didn't want to have any sexual relations with or didn't want to kiss or be touchy feely with my girlfriend...then it's a sure sign that I either don't want to be with her, or she did something really ****ed up that I'm not quite over with yet.
ChessPieceFace Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Check for side-effects of any medications he's taking.
2sunny Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 What is he looking at on his computer that's more important than having morning sex with you? Is it possible he has an STD and doesn't want to give it to you? It's not you - so stop blaming yourself.
Recommended Posts