amandaspride Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 (edited) Hi, first post so be gentle with me,, I have a prob I'd greatfully appreciate others advice on. A new single black work colleague, considerably younger than me has shown a great deal of interest in myself since his arrival some three months ago. Whilst I swear I have never encouraged him, other than dressing perhaps a bit more smartly to maybe draw his attention, we do get on well same personallity, interests ect. and he he always compliments me nicely on my dress and is really polite. Recently hes been asking me out and I found myself being tempted so I decided to put an end to temptation by telling my husband of the situation. Instead of the reaction I was expecting he implied that as he knew about it, it would be Ok. I was shocked and thought it would just die a natural death. My husband wouldnt let the subject drop however and would bring it up on the rare occasions we made love and it started to dominate the love making routine then not mentioned afterwards. I decided to have it out with him and asked him after we made love why he kept on about it during intamcy. His answer nearly gave me a heart attack. He said it had been his ultimate fantasy since before we were married (23yrs ago) for me to take a black lover, deny him sex and be dominant with him. He said he knew he didn't satisfy sexually anymore and that my libido was much higher than his. (both true) He said that this scenario was a wide spread thing on the internet and would thrive on the humilliation and treat me as a goddess if I went through with it. He said he would love to take me shopping to buy my lingerie and a new outfit and help me dress for my potential date. His sexuall prowess has never been great and I have to admit I am tempted if only for sexual release but I wonder what my husband would get from it as I'm not naturally a dominant personality Has anyone else ever been through anything similar? if so what is your situation now regarding your relationship with your husband? Edited July 18, 2013 by amandaspride No paragraphs lol
Philosoraptor Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 While it's not that farfetched as a fantasy, some things should stay that way. It may go perfect, but it may open a lot of worms including his possible jealousy, feelings more than sex being developed, and many other issues. 1
ThaWholigan Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 I'm a black man and I've been asked more than once to partake in such fantasies by women online. So I imagine this is more frequent than one would think. However, it's something that you both have to think about and consider. The act itself and the aftermath may take on an entirely different proposition than you may have thought at first. Make sure that you are prepared for any outcome and be careful.
sexysue Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 hmmm,, the poster above is of course correct you should have both avoided even using the word black, but that's all A few years ago I faced a slightly similar dilemma in that I had a much higher libido than my husband and was feeling frustrated and unloved. We had a long talk about the situation and the upshot was my husband understood and suggested I too could have relationships if I was discreet. You could have knocked me over with a feather. A while later I did find myself in a "situation" and ended up in a very satisfying affair, my husband didn't demand details but if he asked me a question I answered it. I realised then that he loved me as he wanted me more than anything to be happy. I have had a few lovers since then all very charming and polite. I think your husband loves you, just calm his fantasy a bit then date the young guy. Be sure to let us know how you progress.
Author amandaspride Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 Thanks sue and the other posters,,,I'm not trying to be the victim here I am fully aware of whats happening and the potential consequences. However I am extremely attracted to this guy and am feeling I do wish to date him.
Author amandaspride Posted August 3, 2013 Author Posted August 3, 2013 Well,,,,,,, i have dated the guy concerned since my post and I didn't tell my husband, don't ask me why, i don't know. However i wish to date him again next week and feel the need to tell him now,, what on earth am I going to say? wish me luck.
HiddenUser Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Well,,,,,,, i have dated the guy concerned since my post and I didn't tell my husband, don't ask me why, i don't know. However i wish to date him again next week and feel the need to tell him now,, what on earth am I going to say? wish me luck. Your husband is into cuckolding tenfold, he's probably going to love it. 2
sweetkiwi Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Well,,,,,,, i have dated the guy concerned since my post and I didn't tell my husband, don't ask me why, i don't know. However i wish to date him again next week and feel the need to tell him now,, what on earth am I going to say? wish me luck. Why in the world would you lie to him if he was not only giving you permission, but encouraging it??? You are going to mess up a good thing. 1
Quiet Storm Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 I don't think you should do it. What if the guy is much better in bed and you have a connection with him? I believe a marriage is something that needs to be protected. If you do this, be prepared to lose your marriage over it. 2
HokeyReligions Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 DO NOT DO IT. Briefly, hubby stopped having sex after a few years of marriage. I had an opportunity to cheat with co worker. I was in my 20's. I told hubby. We even got together with our friends and invited the guy and one of his friends over. Hubby said he wouldnt blame me if i cheated. After very much thinking and tears here bby and I went to counseling and I quit my job. There are ways to enhance your sex life without bringing in another person. BTW we are closer and more in love and happy together now than ever. We celebrated 27 years of marriage last June. I don't remember the last time we had sex but its probably over 20 years.
ascendotum Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 I don't think you should do it. What if the guy is much better in bed and you have a connection with him? I believe a marriage is something that needs to be protected. If you do this, be prepared to lose your marriage over it. It hard to say how big this is out there. I suspect there is a fairly decent amount. There are numerous website/forums and plenty of amateur vids (which is probably the tip of the iceberg for women to have it recorded), which is probably helping to fuel it more. I know a few women who while not doing it while in relationships have taken advantage of the internet now to live out there bbc fantasies (and they're the one's who admit it). Some of the amateur vids you can see the wife is really getting of on the black fantasy/taboo/husband watching aspect and I wonder how she would ever be satisfied with her husband again. Maybe some guys don't care anymore, as long as she stays and is happy. If the couple is older then maybe it doesn't matter so much as they will stay together and their sex life wont be as big an aspect to their relationship. I think its way risky for a young married guy to go along with it.
ascendotum Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 DO NOT DO IT. BTW we are closer and more in love and happy together now than ever. We celebrated 27 years of marriage last June. I don't remember the last time we had sex but its probably over 20 years. That's terrible (not the long marriage). why not? He has no libido..and if so has he not tried to do something about it. Cialis at minimum so at least he can do it for you or become a champion licker at least. I know women see things differently, but for me (and I'd say majority of men), the women's passion in bed is with out doubt the principal expression of how much she loves me.
HokeyReligions Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 That's terrible (not the long marriage). why not? He has no libido..and if so has he not tried to do something about it. Cialis at minimum so at least he can do it for you or become a champion licker at least. I know women see things differently, but for me (and I'd say majority of men), the women's passion in bed is with out doubt the principal expression of how much she loves me. Not terrible at all. There is plenty of passion and intimacy. Sex isn't important. I know its important for many and it was for us too at one point. But there is SO much more to a loving relationship than sex. For my husband the fact that I did not have an affair even tho he told me to, is the most sincere and deepest expression of love I could show. At least at that time. Now there are other things I do for him, and he for me, that expresses our commitment love and joy with each other. That's what I'm trying to express to the OP. If they love each other they can find contentment and excitement without playing dangerous and damaging games. 1
HiddenUser Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Don't people EVER get tired of playing that OVERDONE race card crap? Give it a friggen rest. I couldn't agree more. I'm so sick of the race card. It doesn't even apply here! We're not allowed to think positively about other races because it's racist? What has the world come to?!
bubbaganoosh Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 If your husband is willing to let you have sex with this man and you go along with it and give your husband his fantasy, there is one thing to consider and I hope you discuss this with him. Everybody has their fantasy and while it's in his mind, he's in control of it and it plays out the way he wants it to and all is well, but there is a big difference when the fantasy becomes a reality. If he sits a watches you with a black man or any man, it doesn't have to be interracial, there's a real good chance that after the act is committed, and your husband gets his orgasm and comes down after his high, he could realize that reality and fantasy are two different things and that maybe it wasn't such a hot idea, then what? What's done is done and you can't turn the hands of time back and if there's an argument, it could be thrown back in your face even though is was his idea. Sometimes things are better left in you mind rather than playing it out. Please think about this. It could be your marriage on the line. 1
Author amandaspride Posted August 4, 2013 Author Posted August 4, 2013 Wish I hadn't used the word black now because it isn't relevant. I notice that nobody has picked up on the word single, that's not relevant either. We are attracted to each other that's all. Far more relevant and of greater concern to me is the age difference. The encouragement my husband has given me is, I accept, primarily fantasy based but he has been supportive and reassuring in a kind and considerate way. Since the first date, that I have now opened up about. he has been great telling me I deserve a fulfilling sex life that he can not give me. He's even said he's pleased the pressures off. Not sure how he's got there as the relationship is not yet sexual. This guy has awakened something in me though, it is nice to be desired. Sometimes I want to end this and in the next minute I want to get naked and wear this guy out!
HiddenUser Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 Wish I hadn't used the word black now because it isn't relevant. I notice that nobody has picked up on the word single, that's not relevant either. We are attracted to each other that's all. Far more relevant and of greater concern to me is the age difference. The encouragement my husband has given me is, I accept, primarily fantasy based but he has been supportive and reassuring in a kind and considerate way. Since the first date, that I have now opened up about. he has been great telling me I deserve a fulfilling sex life that he can not give me. He's even said he's pleased the pressures off. Not sure how he's got there as the relationship is not yet sexual. This guy has awakened something in me though, it is nice to be desired. Sometimes I want to end this and in the next minute I want to get naked and wear this guy out! Nobody here cares about race, it's not even part of the dynamic. Whoever said your husband is racist is a moron. On another note, there are very serious consequences that can arise from this type of fantasy materializing. I'm getting the vibe that trouble is already brewing in your relationship as it is. You were tempted to go out with this man before you even knew how your husband felt. What does that indicate to you? Look, fantasies are great, but sometimes we feel differently after blowing our load. This is why chastity devices and orgasm denial are so prevalent in cuckolding. It's very typical for a cuckold to lose interest after having an orgasm. In fact, their feelings sometimes change entirely and it can really flip the dynamic faster than you might care to realize. It's very deeply rooted in all of us to find mates that are strong and secure. It goes back to our ancestors forming groups to survive. Subconsciously, it's likely that you will perceive your husband as weak, insecure and undesirable after you cuckold him. You just stated that it's nice to be desired, which might indicate you're more distant from your husband than you know. I'm not saying that you shouldn't carry out this fantasy. What I am saying is, you should really talk this over with your husband as much as you can. Once you decide to go for it, there's no turning back. Anyone that shouts and raves about doing it because your husband says it's OK, isn't mature enough to understand the situation fully. This is not something to play around with. It can have very dire consequences on your marriage. Just a quick note: I don't want to sound as if I'm judging you, saying you have a troublesome marriage or that I'm better and more knowledgeable than you. Those aren't my intentions at all and I'm sorry if I come across as arrogant.
strongnrelaxed Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 You should indulge this. You have one life and not many men would be open to such an arrangement. Do it and let the chips fall where they may. If you both agree then it is all good. If the marriage falls apart, then it was meant to end anyway. 1
Author amandaspride Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 You should indulge this. You have one life and not many men would be open to such an arrangement. Do it and let the chips fall where they may. If you both agree then it is all good. If the marriage falls apart, then it was meant to end anyway. That's almost exactly what two of my close female friends have said to me, although I do think their slightly biased lol I have had a few dates with this guy now and although we have come close to crossing the line, relationship wise, it hasn't happened yet as he said he understands my situation. He has asked though if I would think about going away with him overnight next weekend. This I feel is crunch point although he has said it isn't. I don't want to play the victim here, because I am not but I do value others input. I have told my husband about the potential weekend and it's implications, in that essentially I am a one man woman and should I enter into a sexual relationship with this guy any sexual contact between he and I will cease during the course of that relationship. His reaction, again was one of "I'm enjoying the whole process", even suggesting how nice it would be for he and I to go out and buy some "nice nightwear" for the weekend. I do worry about this side of things and the effect its having on my husband, he seems to want to take on an almost effeminate role in this. He does things whilst I'm out with my boyfriend like housework, laundry and stuff. I am realistic enough to realise the age difference between my boyfriend and I will never lead to anything permanent besides at this point in time I wouldn't want it too. Do I cross that line next weekend and if this situation is to work for all concerned how do I indulge my husband in his fantasies as I'm not naturally a dominant person?
Red Wolverine Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 I can't imagine anything that would turn me off more than knowing a man would share me. I'd be telling him to go bang the guy himself and let me know how it turns out.
sexysue Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 I think you've probably already decided to go away with your new found lover next weekend and good look to you go for it. You've warned your husband over the consequences and his message is one of encouragement so I would say you only live once go and have fun while it lasts! You seem to be more worried about how to accodomdate your husband in his fantasies with your new found lifestyle. Do as he asks, Go shopping with him, let him choose that "sexy nightie" for you to wear for your young lover enjoy the attention the process is giving you. It was after all essentially his idea. Say things like "next weekend whilst I'm away you could decorate the bathroom or something" he wants to be told what to do, ordered about, its not hard. Better still take advantage of his new found effeminate traits, say "how about I buy you a frilly little maids dress and you can tidy the house top to bottom!"
findingnemo Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 That's almost exactly what two of my close female friends have said to me, although I do think their slightly biased lol I have had a few dates with this guy now and although we have come close to crossing the line, relationship wise, it hasn't happened yet as he said he understands my situation. He has asked though if I would think about going away with him overnight next weekend. This I feel is crunch point although he has said it isn't. I don't want to play the victim here, because I am not but I do value others input. I have told my husband about the potential weekend and it's implications, in that essentially I am a one man woman and should I enter into a sexual relationship with this guy any sexual contact between he and I will cease during the course of that relationship. His reaction, again was one of "I'm enjoying the whole process", even suggesting how nice it would be for he and I to go out and buy some "nice nightwear" for the weekend. I do worry about this side of things and the effect its having on my husband, he seems to want to take on an almost effeminate role in this. He does things whilst I'm out with my boyfriend like housework, laundry and stuff. I am realistic enough to realise the age difference between my boyfriend and I will never lead to anything permanent besides at this point in time I wouldn't want it too. Do I cross that line next weekend and if this situation is to work for all concerned how do I indulge my husband in his fantasies as I'm not naturally a dominant person? Surprisingly (to me anyway), I think you should do it. You have a dilemma. One is that you have an unsatisfying sex life with your H and the other is that you are attracted to someone wand your H is saying "go ahead, it's my fantasy". Do you risk your M by believing your H knows what he wants and have sex with this guy? Or do you choose to not do it and remain unfulfilled? The fact that you are attracted to some else spells bad news for any M under normal circumstances. However in yours, you H is saying two things. One is that he wants you to be happy and the other is that you will fulfill his fantasies ie. he will get more satisfaction from it. I think you should believe him. I don't see a better alternative. To choose otherwise is to make a fool out of him. Remember that he "knows" that you are the only person in the world who knows his secret. Do you realize what it took him to tell you? All those years he didn't. If you don't go ahead, it would be like telling him that not only is he under par in bed but he is also perverted to some extent. Obviously this wouldn't be true but it is possible he could take it that way. Do it. If your H suddenly realizes he made a mistake then you will both deal with it. What has happened is you both have reached a new level of intimacy and trust. You will be able to work through any problems that arise as a result.
Author amandaspride Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 findingnemo : Your right although there has always been a large amount of trust between us, it's always been that way. However one of the problems I have is I don't know if it's reciprocal, I have told my husband this. His willingness to be OK with have a sexual relationship with a third party doesn't automatically mean I will be OK if the situation was reversed. Does that make me selfish? sexysue: He does what that sort of attitude from me and has said as such, he has even talked about the maids outfit you mentioned! I'm don't mind being a bit assertive but I couldn't be that dominant to make him do that, what he does when I'm not there though I suppose is up to him.
sexysue Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Then buy him one Amanda, you say your worried about what he's getting from this,,, he's telling you! So what harm can a cheap flouncy, frilly little maids dress do if he gets pleasure from it? Provided it's done in the privacy of your own home and no one else knows about it what harm can it bring? The biggest problem your going to have is finding the right size!
Author amandaspride Posted August 15, 2013 Author Posted August 15, 2013 Well I got him one (he looks ridiculous in it btw!!)and gave him a list of jobs to do while I'm away this weekend.
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