logiccurt Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 hello, ive been through this site a few times, and it looks like people are very helpful on here, so im looking for help please. me and my girlfriend were together for nearly 5 years, we have never even had one fight during this relationship, no problems at all, however recently, she started a new job, and works with many guys, the guys i know tend to hit on her i dont know that for sure, but i just felt like they were, so i got more clinggy to her, constantly texting asking where she was ect, ect, asking to see eachother more, ect. after i done this for 2 months, she said that we needed to talk. i knew what this was about.. i thought. i figuired she was talking to another guy, but i was wrong she planely said, that she needed space to think about things, that she never thinks that i will leave out of my home, into a new life with her, after hearing this the only thing i could say was. i would honestly leave with you anywhere you went, just try me. after saying that, she just said she wanted some space and to take a break, i said, okay.. how long do you need? she said "i dont know" but you can message me while we are taking this break. i said instantly afterwards that if we messaged eachother it would just push her further away, so i will wait for her to message me, it will be the hardest thing ive ever done in my life but i will do it, because logically if i message you even more, it will push you further away, i am now on day 5, of utter silence, no message to her at all, i am waiting for her to message me somehow with a answer, i am feeling myself more and more each day, wanting to break this silence, and tell her that we need to talk about this again, i cant wait forever, and tell her that i will do whatever it takes to move forward in this relationship i will move out for her, and we can be together if that was the problem, should i wait for her to message me, should i message her, telling her to meet me in person and explain that i am ready to get back together if she is, and move this relationship forward move out with her, and start a new part of our lives if she wants to, prove to her that i can or should i do something else? please leave any info for me i am counting on any info to help me out. thank you!
Follower Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 The harsh truth is that breaks and space are only for people considering ending the relationship all together. Nothing you can do will change this fact nothing you say will bring her closer to you. The best thing you can do right now is to start living your life again, Y O U R life, alone, without her. Go to the gym, do some exercise, start a hobby. Give yourself some well earned breathing space which you may not even realise you were missing. Kind Regards 2
Author logiccurt Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 tyvm for ur help, but if i just gave up and stoped talking to her all together now it would feel like i lost something so dear to me and i did not even atleast try to talk to her once more to work things out
Chi townD Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Taking a break= Breaking up. Don't kid yourself. Look, she's got guys hitting on her at work and I think one might have gotten to her. So! She want's to "take a break" so she can test those waters. If it doesn't work out with this other dude, well...she's got you waiting in limbo. And if you find out about this dude. You can't get mad! Because, "we were on a break!" Don't you love technicalities!! Time to heal and move on dude. Block her from Facebook. Do this immediately. Actually, you can use that as a test. Block her and see if she actually notices. If you block her and you don't get a phone call or a text within a day. Then you know that she doesn't care and she could really give a rats ass about what the two of you had together. 1
headsashed Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Taking a break= Breaking up. Don't kid yourself. Look, she's got guys hitting on her at work and I think one might have gotten to her. So! She want's to "take a break" so she can test those waters. If it doesn't work out with this other dude, well...she's got you waiting in limbo. And if you find out about this dude. You can't get mad! Because, "we were on a break!" Don't you love technicalities!! Time to heal and move on dude. Block her from Facebook. Do this immediately. Actually, you can use that as a test. Block her and see if she actually notices. If you block her and you don't get a phone call or a text within a day. Then you know that she doesn't care and she could really give a rats ass about what the two of you had together. I totally agree with this
Author logiccurt Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 if i do block her, and she does text or call what should i do? then
headsashed Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 if i do block her, and she does text or call what should i do? then This sounds like my ex, new job, male co-workers flurting, wanted a break, I gave her 1 and they ended up kissing, that's what she told me anyway, they didn't work out so she came back to me, I was stupid and took her back, 5 months later she cheats again so we break up for good. I know every situation is different but id see what she has to say 1st but only you know her well enough to know if shes actually done anything. If I was you id take everything with a pinch of salt and just move on, if she loved you then she wouldn't want a break,she would be with you.
BC1980 Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Do not contact her first. If she calls and you answer, give her only 10 minutes or so of your time. Don't bring up relationship stuff, and act like you don't care. Don't get into any deep relationship discussion. If you don't answer, see if she calls again. It might be better not to answer the first time, so she will see you aren't always there waiting like a puppy. Give her a shock. Trust me, she will call again.
Author logiccurt Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 thank you very much for everyones help so far, its giving me a better grasp of everything and my paths i can take
Ashlaria Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Do not contact her first. If she calls and you answer, give her only 10 minutes or so of your time. Don't bring up relationship stuff, and act like you don't care. Don't get into any deep relationship discussion. If you don't answer, see if she calls again. It might be better not to answer the first time, so she will see you aren't always there waiting like a puppy. Give her a shock. Trust me, she will call again. Oh the games people play. Why? You've all pretty much said its over anyway. Why bother playing games with her? Why not just have the conversation and if she really is just confused about all the new attention she might well agree to start over. If not, at least he will know and not spend the rest of his life wondering 'what if' Life is too short. Shape up or ship out. 1
Chi townD Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 if i do block her, and she does text or call what should i do? then Then you continue to ignore her. NO CONTACT! NC!! Remember, she wanted the break, you didn't. She made the decision to have you out of her life, you didn't. She made it clear that she values her space more than being in a relationship with you. You have couples that have been together 30,40 and 50+ years! Do you think is was all a bed of roses? Sometimes in marriages and relationships, you can grow tired of each other, but they love each other enough not to throw it all away. They talk and communicate what's bothering them. Your girl's answer to her problems is to toss you to the curb. So, you're giving her exactly what she's asking for, you out of her life. That's what she asked for, right? The only time you break NC is if she texts you, " I'm sorry, this whole taking a break thing was a big mistake, I need you back and I'll do anything to make that happen." That is the ONLY time you can break NC. Anything else is nothing but breadcrumbs. To see where your mind is at. To see if you're mad at her, nothing more than that. She may ask to be friends with you. Dude, you are not her friend. I'm sure you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her for the ultimate outcome is that you are nothing more than a really good friend to her! Does that even make sense? Some people would say that they would rather have them as a friend than nothing at all. Okay, but what if she gets into a new relationship and you see her treat this new guy better than anything she ever did for you. You don't think you would grow a little bitter about that? Best thing you can do is to treat this as a break up and start moving on with your life as if she isn't coming back. Because chances are...she's not. So, start making positive changes in your life. Heal and move on, dude. 2
Chi townD Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 (edited) Sorry, had to post again. Because, your story KIND OF reminds me of my story. I think I may know why she broke up with you. You stated that she got a new job. Well, it's probably a high profile job and she's surrounded by goal orientated guys with a plan. Then, she had you, a guy that's still living at home and not even sure if he's motivated about anything. Then, you stated that you have said that you're more than willing to move out with her, but she might be thinking that if you do that, then she would have to carry you. Support you. Now, I could be way off on that assessment, but that's kinda how I read it. SO! what you have to do now is prove her wrong. That's how you get your revenge! You lead a damn good life! Here's what you need to do. Set yourself up with long term and short term goals. First, get a new hairstyle, something people will notice and like. Then, get yourself some new clothes. If you're a shorts, t-shirt, flip flop and trucker hat kind of guy; then, you need to be designer jeans, button down shirt, belt and dress shoes kind of guy! Look totally GQ 24/7! You want people to say, " DAMN DUDE!! You look sharp!!" This will help with your self-confidence. Then, get to the gym. Run your ass off on the treadmill and push weight. Sleep well, eat clean and you'll start getting that rock hard and ripped bod that girls are going to definitely notice! That's going to help you work off the frustrations and stress and it will also help your self confidence as well! If you don't have a degree, get one. If you have a bachelor's then get a Masters. High education is going to open more high paying jobs for you. SO, you'll be able to afford that sweet little townehouse and afford that nice little ride! Then, get new hobbies. With your hobby, there's usually a club in your area that you can join with people that have the same shared interest. Join them! Whether it be a cycling club, running club, diving lessons....whatever! Just get out and get busy! Meet new people! Then, finally TRAVEL! Go see the world!! Pick a place that you've always wanted to see. Save your money and drag a friend with you...then...go!!! A while back, we had a guy that was kinda in the same boat as you and he took that same information that I just wrote and ran with it! (Unfortunately, I can't remember his user name...he was with us until he healed and he doesn't come on here anymore, he's moved on to better things) His Ex heard of all the improvements he made in his life. His Ex got curious and tried to contact him only to discover that she couldn't because he was out of the country for a few weeks while he toured through Asia! When he got back, the Ex contacted him and he said she sounded a little jealous when she said, " Why did it take for me to break up with you for you to become more interesting?" He said that, that kind of pissed him off and he said, " Well, I just made a new life for myself and I've got nothing holding me back!" That was the last time he heard from her. Edited July 18, 2013 by Chi townD
heartshapedrocks Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 Accept the things you cannot change, change the things you can. Unfortunately you cannot make someone not take a break. They are either in or out. Sound like she is choosing out. Maybe she will come back but in my last LTR of 5 yrs we took a break only to put off the inevitable. Now she is engaged 6 mos post BU. Take care of yourself, NC man. Live your life, walk through it & rise above it. Hang in there I wish you the best.
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