Talulah Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 It's taking me the loss of a friendship to realize how unimportant and toxic some people can be in your life. With those, I put my ex. I've grown tired of putting so much emotions and energy into someone who is not doing the same for me. I'm so tired of thinking about him. Don't you ever just get sick from them? 1
theonlyjuan Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Yeah, I hope this is the point where you end up giving up and start to move on.
JDPT Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 I'm starting to get tired of it and working on becoming disgusted by it.
mano Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Yeah it just sucks. Puttin so much of your energy n emotions n time thinkin about them n wonderin what he might be doin. When he is not doing the same about me. Hope to give up on it soon. Because at the end of the day i regret wasting so much of my time again thinkin about this person who is probably just way too busy enjoyin his own life. 1
Ashlaria Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Yes! Yes! Yes!! Sooooo sick of it. I read a good post by TaraMaiden why talked about snowballing and how you must stop yourself at the first thought. Don't allow it to snowball into another and another. I'm quite new here so I don't know how to find and quote it, but if you can find it I think it will be worth you reading it. There is another technique that might sound a little mad and I can't remember where I heard it, but I'm using it at the moment and it is really helping. When you have the first thought, imagine it is written in a cloud. Acknowledge the thought 'oh look I'm thinking about him/her' then imagine the cloud drifting away out of sight. I know it sounds barmy, but it works for me. Good luck. I hope you find your peace.
Jenny1234 Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Thinking about all the time I've wasted thinking about my ex is crazy. Everyday I just try my best. I find that stepping away from my phone and iPad and just watching tv or cleaning my room changes my focus for a little whole atleast.
Allen101 Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Yeah, of course i still think about her, given its only been a day since the break up. But what's the point? She gave up on our 9 month relationship and ended it over text. I always end up thinking about what she's doing or whom she's with, BUT I noticed one thing, she doesn't give a rats ass hence why we broke up. Your ex will probably be out having fun so you should too, enjoy life and pay more attention to yourself than to your ex.
itto ogami Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 This is a good healthy place to get to. I started to get better when i started getting tired of thinking about her.
Own Worst Enemy Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 it's gotten to the point where, when he pops into my head, i just say (not out loud, i'm not crazy!): GO AWAY. mostly it works. mostly! 2
Author Talulah Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 You know, when we were together I thought about us a lot, too much then too. But now that he is not here anymore, although I do know where he is at the moment, it's crazy for me to care that much anymore. I know that in time he wil miss me. I read somewhere, that we should mirror what our exes do. If, they talk to you a bit, talk to them as much. If they don't call or "forget", then you "forget" too. 1
JDPT Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 You know, when we were together I thought about us a lot, too much then too. But now that he is not here anymore, although I do know where he is at the moment, it's crazy for me to care that much anymore. I know that in time he wil miss me. I read somewhere, that we should mirror what our exes do. If, they talk to you a bit, talk to them as much. If they don't call or "forget", then you "forget" too. I really enjoy this answer, so much food for thought, do you mind sharing where you read those lines?
mano Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 but well u cant just pretend to forget like they do right ?? because inside we do care alot that's y v r still stuck n miserable n keep thinking about them
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 It's taking me the loss of a friendship to realize how unimportant and toxic some people can be in your life. With those, I put my ex. I've grown tired of putting so much emotions and energy into someone who is not doing the same for me. I'm so tired of thinking about him. Don't you ever just get sick from them? God damned right.
Author Talulah Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 I really enjoy this answer, so much food for thought, do you mind sharing where you read those lines? LOL...I found it on this website of this dating coach based in L.A. she mostly writes to women about dating emotionally unavailable men, her facebook post was: He's Really That Into You, He's Just Not Ready Wednesday near Los Angeles, CA When a guy isn't investing, the worst thing a woman can do is to keep investing/giving. Mirror him at all stages. If he seems to invest less and less, you invest less and less too. If he's keeping one foot out, you'd better be ready with one foot out too. Grabbing hold of him will only make matter worse. He won't step up and you will find it hard to let go when it's obvious it's a dead-end relationship. It's only supposed to apply to men, but I find it useful in this situation.
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 LOL...I found it on this website of this dating coach based in L.A. she mostly writes to women about dating emotionally unavailable men, her facebook post was: He's Really That Into You, He's Just Not Ready Wednesday near Los Angeles, CA When a guy isn't investing, the worst thing a woman can do is to keep investing/giving. Mirror him at all stages. If he seems to invest less and less, you invest less and less too. If he's keeping one foot out, you'd better be ready with one foot out too. Grabbing hold of him will only make matter worse. He won't step up and you will find it hard to let go when it's obvious it's a dead-end relationship. It's only supposed to apply to men, but I find it useful in this situation. That happens conversely as well. I'm a very emotionally available man. Emotionally unavailable women are drawn to that and it can cause problems, because usually they don't act like that at first.
Author Talulah Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 but well u cant just pretend to forget like they do right ?? because inside we do care alot that's y v r still stuck n miserable n keep thinking about them I don't think that they completely forget us or stop thinking about us. I think that some of them make the effort to try to ferget us.
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 I don't think that they completely forget us or stop thinking about us. I think that some of them make the effort to try to ferget us. People try to forget when it's too painful. Unfortunately, it doesn't work; not forever anyway. A lot of the time it ends up exploding and your emotions get all jacked out of whack.
Nicoleiia Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 It is very annoying to keep thinking about my ex. She's living in my head rent free and I wish it would stop. Hopefully soon, I can go a week without thinking about her. That would be so refreshing!
Echo000 Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 people always assume the ex doesnt care as much because they didnt love as much. Often thats the case. Often, however, its more than that. Your ex may be too immature to have truly loved you--in the purest sense of love. Maybe the ex was too selfish, too needy, too insecure- to develop a love that makes you want to DIE on the inside when you think about letting them go. I realize that my ex loved me, she even said recently before we stopped speaking that she was "in love with me". I believe she believes that. I just know that her love is an immature one, based on selfishness and need (a true survivalist love as opposed to unconditional, true love). And conversely, mine was real and true. Mature and honest. A "I need you because I love you" love, not the "I love you because i need you love". So while i languish and feel utter sadness and hurt, i know that her hurt is just a mere fraction of that. While she may be sad, she is more distracted and content with things than i am or will be for a while. But that is okay. I would rather be a man who is capable of loving deeply, then one who benefits from being able to "not care" after a break up but is also incapable of deep and true love. So am i tired of thinking about her? Yes, so much so. Makes me feel suicidal at times. But i am also GRATEFUL to have the ability to unconditionally love another person, so much so that i love out of love, and not out of anything else. Even if she hurt me. Even if she doesnt feel anything but a fraction of the pain i feel. Even now, as i type a note on Loveshack, and she is probably smiling at work with coworkers, thinking not of me. We continue on. Regardless. 2
Author Talulah Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 people always assume the ex doesnt care as much because they didnt love as much. Often thats the case. Often, however, its more than that. Your ex may be too immature to have truly loved you--in the purest sense of love. Maybe the ex was too selfish, too needy, too insecure- to develop a love that makes you want to DIE on the inside when you think about letting them go. I realize that my ex loved me, she even said recently before we stopped speaking that she was "in love with me". I believe she believes that. I just know that her love is an immature one, based on selfishness and need (a true survivalist love as opposed to unconditional, true love). And conversely, mine was real and true. Mature and honest. A "I need you because I love you" love, not the "I love you because i need you love". So while i languish and feel utter sadness and hurt, i know that her hurt is just a mere fraction of that. While she may be sad, she is more distracted and content with things than i am or will be for a while. But that is okay. I would rather be a man who is capable of loving deeply, then one who benefits from being able to "not care" after a break up but is also incapable of deep and true love. So am i tired of thinking about her? Yes, so much so. Makes me feel suicidal at times. But i am also GRATEFUL to have the ability to unconditionally love another person, so much so that i love out of love, and not out of anything else. Even if she hurt me. Even if she doesnt feel anything but a fraction of the pain i feel. Even now, as i type a note on Loveshack, and she is probably smiling at work with coworkers, thinking not of me. We continue on. Regardless. When breaking up he told me that he is really self-centered and that he has never really truly loved someone, he told me that he cared as much as he could. He told me that he doesn't think that he is narcissist, but it's been like this with every girl that he has ever dated. And he is 34.
Author Talulah Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 people always assume the ex doesnt care as much because they didnt love as much. Often thats the case. Often, however, its more than that. Your ex may be too immature to have truly loved you--in the purest sense of love. Maybe the ex was too selfish, too needy, too insecure- to develop a love that makes you want to DIE on the inside when you think about letting them go. I realize that my ex loved me, she even said recently before we stopped speaking that she was "in love with me". I believe she believes that. I just know that her love is an immature one, based on selfishness and need (a true survivalist love as opposed to unconditional, true love). And conversely, mine was real and true. Mature and honest. A "I need you because I love you" love, not the "I love you because i need you love". So while i languish and feel utter sadness and hurt, i know that her hurt is just a mere fraction of that. While she may be sad, she is more distracted and content with things than i am or will be for a while. But that is okay. I would rather be a man who is capable of loving deeply, then one who benefits from being able to "not care" after a break up but is also incapable of deep and true love. So am i tired of thinking about her? Yes, so much so. Makes me feel suicidal at times. But i am also GRATEFUL to have the ability to unconditionally love another person, so much so that i love out of love, and not out of anything else. Even if she hurt me. Even if she doesnt feel anything but a fraction of the pain i feel. Even now, as i type a note on Loveshack, and she is probably smiling at work with coworkers, thinking not of me. We continue on. Regardless. It kind of sucks being capable of having those emotions. Sometimes, I wish that I could be as immature as him and just be happy being. 1
todreaminblue Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 I find when you have moved on and they know you have, they have the most regret,I don't feel badly about my ex, he was always my friend and it has taken quite a while for me to deal with emotions i had from the break up.......he did some rotten things ...but...i was with him for a reason...he is a good person who made some hefty mistakes......i dont have hate towards him........hate is destructive.........i think of him warmly........but it isnt passionate warmth.....deb
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