DazedandConfused89 Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 (edited) Sorry this may be long, but this situation is odd and complicated. Dated this girl for about 5 months. I adored her and the circumstances of our breakup have me lost. Up until late June everything was great. I saw no signs. She would routinely tell me not even less than a month ago that if I ever broke up with her she would cry. We both went on vacation with our families in late June to early July and she texted me like we were all good. Stuff like I miss you and kissy emoticons and what not. Come July 4thish she texts me less and begins to ignore me, I get worried and around the 7th I text asking whats up if she is ok. Long story short she says her phone can't receive or make calls since its broke. Last text I get from her. I text her the couple of following days saying whats up. Noting. So I go to her house on the text and confront her. She claims her phone was stolen and thats why she couldn't text me. She than proceeds to breakup with me and was gonna contact me, but couldn't because she didn't have my number written down and couldn't get me through facebook since I don't have one, even tho we have a mutual friend who has my number who his on facebook and she knows my brothers name. Anyway, her reason for breaking up is because her vacation made her realize how much she missed her free time. She does work a bunch, full time and goes to school (summer classes right now) and her father doesn't have a job right now so she and her mother are the ones bringing in income. She also recently found out she was placed on academic probation and even tho she was accepted to my 4 year University (she is 20), she can't go because she doesn't want her parents to help her pay because of their situation (she goes to CC). I ask if she still has feelings and she says yes. Said she isnt breaking up because she is bored (which she says she gets bored easily with guys she dates). Says there is a possibility of getting back in the fall if things die down and that she still wants to be friends I'm left lost. Fast forward a week later and I message her through my bros facebook after a week no contact and take her up on a coffee offer she made when we broke up. Doesn't reply, so I get kinda frustrated and write her again saying I thought she wanted a friendship and tell her that I am hurt that we can go from being great to her not even wanting anything to do to me anymore. She sees doesn't reply. I see her online and get her on chat. She calles me a creeper (which hurt since I wasn't creepin I was just on at the same time by chance). Says we can meet for coffee next week strictly as friends and that I'm not over her (obviously not) but also accuses me of getting our mutual friend to dig up dirt on her and get info on our breakup for me (which is untrue). I respond denying that accusation and reply again agreeing I'm not over her and that I hope she is sincere about the coffee. I'm lost at this point. I don't know what to do. I really would like a friendship with her at some point because we have so much fun together and part of me is hung up on the door she left open about getting back (which could very well be BS). Also part of me is confused about the circumstances of the breakup and if she is being truthful. FYI she said it wasn't another guy when I asked. Ive never been in this situation and I just want opinions on the situation. Are the reasons for her breaking up legitimate reasons our do you think its just BS? I'm hopeful of getting back with her if the opportunity arises in the future, but at the same time I also want to befriend her and just cut contact for a while. I'm just so confused and lost. Edited July 18, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Philosoraptor Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 She was trying to get out of the relationship by not saying anything. Seems like she wants to see someone else (or already is) but wants to keep you in the background though in case things don't work out. Cut contact with her, block her on every medium, and move on with your life. She's not ready for a relationship and waiting around for her is going to be nothing but a waste of time.
Author DazedandConfused89 Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 She was trying to get out of the relationship by not saying anything. Seems like she wants to see someone else (or already is) but wants to keep you in the background though in case things don't work out. Cut contact with her, block her on every medium, and move on with your life. She's not ready for a relationship and waiting around for her is going to be nothing but a waste of time. I hope that's not the case in terms of it being another guy. I personally just don't see it in terms of the timing because she was so into me before she went on vacation and I know nothing happened on vacation because its 800 miles from our city and because her parents are like Nazis in terms of how protective they are of her. Plus I just don't see the time because she legitimately is very busy. Maybe I'm just being naaive and want to believe her reasons. Can wanting free time be a legitimate excuse? Obviously if thats the reason she prioritizing her life and im not near the top of the list.
happydate Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 In the dating world, Actions speak louder than words. For her, it's all words and that her actions denote low interest in you. She's probably really bored by herself and can't fathom being alone. You came along and she thinks you're cute and you guys dated for 5 months. Now, she dumped you. Guess what, that's not her first try. Girls like this dump guys like a piece of used condom. It's really nothing to them so they don't show any emotions. In her mind, guys are to be used and abused and all after her thing down there. So she has this preconception that guys are creepy and bad and as soon as you try chatting with her after she dumped you, she associates you with her imaginary man. There's an old saying that guys and gals tend to date their parents. Meaning that a girl dates a guy who is just like her father, because that's all she knows and feels comfortable with. You said their parents are like Nazis to her daughter and you seemed uncomfortable with it. That's a sign that both you are incompatible. She knew it and broke off with you. She will keep looking for a man that exhibit Nazism and yet be gentle, kind, caring and provide a healthy relationship. This man does not exist! Which is why girls like this end dating, dumping dating some more and dumping and sexing to no end.
Author DazedandConfused89 Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 In the dating world, Actions speak louder than words. For her, it's all words and that her actions denote low interest in you. She's probably really bored by herself and can't fathom being alone. You came along and she thinks you're cute and you guys dated for 5 months. Now, she dumped you. Guess what, that's not her first try. Girls like this dump guys like a piece of used condom. It's really nothing to them so they don't show any emotions. In her mind, guys are to be used and abused and all after her thing down there. So she has this preconception that guys are creepy and bad and as soon as you try chatting with her after she dumped you, she associates you with her imaginary man. There's an old saying that guys and gals tend to date their parents. Meaning that a girl dates a guy who is just like her father, because that's all she knows and feels comfortable with. You said their parents are like Nazis to her daughter and you seemed uncomfortable with it. That's a sign that both you are incompatible. She knew it and broke off with you. She will keep looking for a man that exhibit Nazism and yet be gentle, kind, caring and provide a healthy relationship. This man does not exist! Which is why girls like this end dating, dumping dating some more and dumping and sexing to no end. I would say we were very compatible. Similar personality, outlook, humor, etc. I didn't have a problem with her parents being overprotective per-say, my parents are the exact same way so I could relate, but I live on my own while she is still under her parents roof. However, I wasn't that over protective guy in our relationship. I wasn't the jealous controlling type at all. Are you saying that is what she subconsciously wants because thats what her parents are?
happydate Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 I would say we were very compatible. Similar personality, outlook, humor, etc. I didn't have a problem with her parents being overprotective per-say, my parents are the exact same way so I could relate, but I live on my own while she is still under her parents roof. However, I wasn't that over protective guy in our relationship. I wasn't the jealous controlling type at all. Are you saying that is what she subconsciously wants because thats what her parents are? If you are really compatible, you wouldn't end up being single again. Remember, your words and thoughts mean nothing in this relationship. Is her actions and that she dumps you, she determines you're not her man. That's why you guys date. First, she probably saw a lot of similarities between you and her so that's why you guys are attracted to each other. In about 3 to 6 months time, any misunderstanding on her part will usually be enough to justify her conviction. Yes, subconsciously in the beginning of courtship, she wants a man like her daddy because that's what these women are most comfortable with. He's around her much longer than ANY MEN she dates. But NO ONE can replace her dad, but someone can be close and she's looking. What she needs to do is to grow up and become an individual which you have and she has yet to overcome. This is an aberration that she felt she's not willing to pursue, cause she's still young. Basically, you don't change for the girl. Both of you must come into the relationship as grown up adults that had battled through a few relationships and grown to become mature and wise enough to discern most relationship pitfalls and work through them and not run away from them. Many men and women still choose to run away rather to work and tough it out!
along60years Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 I agree that it sounds like there is a 3rd party involved, and maybe she cheated, maybe she didn't, but I can almost guarantee you it was on her mind. It may have even been on her mind when she was telling you never to leave her... she was still deciding and didn't want you to make the choice for her before she could figure out what she wanted and when she did she didn't even care enough to explain. People often get angry and accusatory when they are being dishonest and or cheating. She is trying to deflect by making you out to be the bad guy.
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