feelinghopeless89 Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 So, I wrote out my whole situation in another thread, but realized I left out one of the most difficult parts of the whole "healing" process! And desperately need advice... Long story short, my ex had a baby with a girl 8 years ago. We had a great relationship until earlier this year when she came back because she needed help with money. This lead to them trying things out and she ended up getting pregnant right after (ugh). PS.. I honestly, and stupidly, believed this guy was the love of my life. Anyways, the one thing I left out was how OBSESSIVE I am over their relationship. I am constantly checking her instagram and looking at all of her posts which shows them looking so happy. I think because I am still in denial over this whole situation because of how fast everything happened, I just cannot understand how he could move on and live this new life so quickly. It hurts so much when I look at the pictures she posts, but I can't get myself to stop looking. It's like an addiction... I tell myself I will only look one more time .... ha. As embarrassing as it is to admit that, it is seriously something that I am struggling so much with. I don't understand why I feel this need to check in on their life when all I see are pictures of her pregnant, and them going out and doing fun things, etc. I am still so in love with him, and just can't accept everything that is happening EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE!! I hope someone can help me out with this ... I honestly feel like I am going crazy!
era Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Did you read my response to your situation that you already posted in another forum?
AllTooWell Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 In response purely to the instagram issue You are doing this because it gives you a sense of control while you are looking at her pictures, but as soon as you are done you feel a huge loss of control for caving in. Block her on istagram. It prevents you from being able to see her pictures. I had done the same thing with a girl (reading her tweets, etc) and it in some ways is like an addiction. STOP lurking her. Trust me. Within 3 days you will feel a LOT better. Especially if you're trying to go NC with your ex, you need to cut out looking at them on social media too.
Author feelinghopeless89 Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 In response purely to the instagram issue You are doing this because it gives you a sense of control while you are looking at her pictures, but as soon as you are done you feel a huge loss of control for caving in. Block her on istagram. It prevents you from being able to see her pictures. I had done the same thing with a girl (reading her tweets, etc) and it in some ways is like an addiction. STOP lurking her. Trust me. Within 3 days you will feel a LOT better. Especially if you're trying to go NC with your ex, you need to cut out looking at them on social media too. Yes, you are so right about the control. It is a crazy thing... I go into it KNOWING what I see is going to hurt me, but I keep doing it anyways. I am really embarrassed to admit this, but I always struggle alone with my thoughts so am just going to go ahead and say it. But I have blocked her, multiple times. And after a few days I just get so curious and I cave in and look. It is so horrible and so unlike me. There was a time recently when a got a notification on my phone that she liked one of my pictures (and she doesn't follow me), so when I looked to see which one it was already taken off. So after that incident, knowing she was also looking through my pictures, fueled my little "addiction" even more. Ugh :'(. I feel so hopeless. Thank you for taking the time to reach out and write. Having this forum and getting advice and other people's opinions has helped me out a lot.
AllTooWell Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 You should try just cutting back first. Some people will disagree with me on this. Decide that on tuesday, you'll look at her IG. Do not look at it before then. On Tuesday, before you lurk her, really think if that's what you want to do. Weigh the pro's and con's. Look at it as every time you lurk her - you give her a BIT more power over you. This girl has your ex, do you really want to give her your thoughts too? If you do, go and look. Next time, wait 5 days before looking again. Then a week. Each time ASK YOURSELF if it's worth it to you. One day you will realize it's not. It's not worth it. It is like an addiction. The only way to break an addiction is to WANT to break it and to ACTUALLY TAKE THE STEPS needed to stop looking. Just. stop. It really is that easy. Delete the app off your phone. 2
Author feelinghopeless89 Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 That is a very good idea. I feel like stopping cold turkey is too hard right now and so I feel like this might really help. Thank you so much.
LostGirl11 Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 You cold try the once a week thing like the poster above suggested or you could be really strict with yourself. Firstly, remove the app from your phone, or better still just delete your account. When you want to use the net on your phone or when you want to check Facebook ect, do just that! Nothing else, tell yourself that you're going to check this and that, then put you phone out of reach, in the next room, in a draw, upstairs. Obviously turn the volume up so you can hear calls or texts ect, but apart from that leave it alone.
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