daniraekay Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 He and I had dated for 6 months [January-July], and we fell hard. He was brutally honest about his past relationships, leaving no area uncovered, and I was brutally honest about my past struggles, thoroughly explaining that time in detail. Since I'm 23 and in my first relationship, I felt something that I believed/believe to be love [not just infatuation, lust, curiosity, admiration...it was more] - and he's 23 in his 4th relationship, he told me the same thing. Three things: 1) We planned a vacation for mid-July [~5 months in] and he "ruined" the beginning by spending the entire first day arguing with the baby-mama and not contacting me at all whatsoever when we were planned to leave that morning; he didn't text me about the situation until 1:30AM. [There's more to it but we ended up resolving the issue: he needs to keep me in the loop and assured me that baby-mama wasn't "the other girl."] 2) Last Saturday morning, I became very sick. He asks if I'm ok, I say yeah while coughing and groaning and hello, and he says, "Take care," before leaving. I cried...because it was so obvious... You ~love me and...can't see I'm sick? I've seen when you were sick and exhausted and tired and infuriated and...everything...yet... [He comes over after work, takes care of me, we resolve the issue: he needs to not be blind and give me more time and attention in general - anything. He promises that I'll see him Sunday and Monday, he'll text me Sunday. He.never.did.] 3) Come Monday night, I'm still sick as all hell and need to go to the ER. I tell him this and he replies, "Well, I'm about to go fishing, but I can cancel if you want." We just had this discussion the previous night and... I called, I called again...no answer...I texted, "I can't anymore. I'm done." He hasn't spoken a word to me since. I've had a couple days to ponder and all... I feel like we're still meant to be together, like our relationship hasn't served its full purpose yet - we haven't completed something, this emptiness. Yet, he hasn't fought for me back. He hasn't contacted me. He hasn't tried. I felt that he didn't care then and still doesn't, yet he looks at me with this torn, destroyed face [we work together, not a factor in anything] that's filled with abandoned, hurt love. And I have this constant sick feeling in my stomach. I can't eat, I can barely manage a smile or conversation. If it was love, why hasn't he tried? It's clear we are both hurting and didn't want it to happen. But I can't be with someone that doesn't care...yet I believe that...he may... He hasn't shown it in the times that I needed it, but overall, at the end of the very ****ing day, I believe he wants to know that I'm home safe and alive. I guess I'm asking...what now? I see him and want to burst into tears. I stand at work and want to burst into tears, thinking about it. He's a great guy, I've told him this, but as a boyfriend...he let me down. I gave him chances and he failed. I'm heartbroken and angry and regretful and... What now??
daftpunk Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 First of all, I'm sorry to hear that you've been let down. You'll find that most everyone here has been let down by someone whom they presumed to trust. You will not want to hear this, and I can sympathize. But six months is a rather short period of time. Consequently, I can't help but think what you shared was probably not true love (if such a thing exists). It could have been many other almost-as-potent emotions, but none of them are ever quite the real thing. It may even be hard to tell the difference; cubic zirconia and diamonds look very similar, but they could scarcely be any different on a chemical level. And a diamond will always cut straight through any other substance to show its worth. Your relationship did not cut through. With that in mind, take solace in knowing that we've all been exactly where you are right now... Unable to eat, cursing the sky and the ground we walk upon alike. Every time you think about him, your faith in this thing called "love" shrinks just a little more and you're not sure if there will be anything left before long. The pain does subside, but you'll never be the same. This is part of being human. It's why the elderly typically have such great wisdom; it was bought with decades upon decades of blood, sweat, and tears. 3
Author daniraekay Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 he wouldn't pick up the phone and at the time, I knew I couldn't be with him anymore. I couldn't, in my brain and voice of reason, wait one second longer; it had to be then that I broke it off - no matter how. I waited a half hour for a response from "I can't anymore" to "I'm done." and.nothing.
Author daniraekay Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 I'm not doubting "love" in itself. I'm very...I've never let past experiences affect me in present situations. If a girl best friend betrayed me, I don't have my guard up on every girl friend I have. I give all the benefit of the doubt until they give me a reason to otherwise. He was my first ~love. My first everything. What did I do to not deserve fighting for? Or, was he just taking advantage of me [my naivety, generosity, ect.] sooooo perfectly, which I don't think but...everything is option now...
Legatus Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 You did not do anything to deserve it. It is him who needs to worry about his behviour and character. You were right to be done with him - it is not a way to treat a lady. The fact that he went silent even when you were ill shows just how much of an idiot he has always been and still is. I know you want answers and explanation to understand why it happened but unless he is willing to talk I am afraid you can't achieve that. You can hope he will come around to talk some day, but I wouldn't count on it. He is very immature and the best thing for you is to try to take day by day and put it behind you as much as possible.
Author daniraekay Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 *You are all helping me so much that I cannot even begin to express. I had doubts and such but. These responses are my light and I need them to reassure myself. So, thank you
Author daniraekay Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 Does this mean "just friends" is not an option? We have the exact same lifestyle, group of friends, public outings... Do I ignore him? Glare? Pout? Idk what to do...
daftpunk Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Does this mean "just friends" is not an option? We have the exact same lifestyle, group of friends, public outings... Do I ignore him? Glare? Pout? Idk what to do... It's as much an option as you want it to be. Just know that it'll be the far more painful option, at least until you've healed thoroughly and completely. You'll find that the world will keep turning if you refuse him as a friend, however... Both literally and figuratively.
theonlyjuan Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Although me and my ex are meant to be friends because we didn't end on bad terms, we have some of the same friends. Her brother is one of my best friends. I have started my own NC for a little bit, just to see how it affects me. I have avoided going out with those group of friends lately because I know she will be there. When I am 80% over her I will go out when she is there. Since the breakup I have met her once and had a chat. That went fine, didn't feel anything. So I know we have potential to be friends in the future. You just need to get over him first before you worry about being friends. If you see him out just act cool and calm. Say hello, how are you, no more than that is needed. If you can avoid going out when he is there, do it.
hemsk Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 i would rather get broken up in person. more professional
Joyvke Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 i would rather get broken up in person. more professional When she had to go to the ER he went fishing.... I can imagine she was fed up at that moment. Sure in person would have probably been better, but he let her down big time when she needed him the most.. Take care Danirea. I think by the sound of it you did the right thing. Any guy that leaves you on your own when you need them (ER) isn't worth your breath.
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