xilver Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Well I just did it. I sent her an email after going nc for 3 weeks. I didn't ask her back. I actually laid into her pretty hard about how she treated me and how it made me feel. I told her how I miss her and hope that we can have a healthy friendship if she is ever ready for that. The message was actually 3000 words so I'm leaving out a few things I guess you could say. lol geeze I feel like the girl in the rel right now. Basically what happens is she gets insecure, accuses me of stuff, gets pissed and says horrible things to me. I finally drew the line in the sand a month ago. She texted me for like a week trying to salvage things but I was pissed and didn't want anything to do with her so i only responded. Then we went nc and now it sucks for me. Now I turned off my email and my phone in case it forwards to her phone or something. Just the thought of seeing a msg from her makes me nervous. I even told her I wasn't expecting a response.
JDPT Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Ok you did it, got it over with and got a lot off your chest. Feel strong and commit to NC. You guys broke up for a reason be very honest and ask yourself if that's what you really want or need in life. Tomorrow will be a better day, don't jump on that emotional roller coaster remain strong and in control. 1
Author xilver Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 Ok you did it, got it over with and got a lot off your chest. Feel strong and commit to NC. You guys broke up for a reason be very honest and ask yourself if that's what you really want or need in life. Tomorrow will be a better day, don't jump on that emotional roller coaster remain strong and in control. Thanks. Yeah I'm not even going to worry about it tonight. I am 100% back to NC. The ball is in her court at this point. She will seek me out when and if she is ready to have a healthy friendship before anything else and if not then well I am sure it's for the best.
daftpunk Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 A healthy friendship... This is a pleasant fantasy, isn't it?
Author xilver Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 A healthy friendship... This is a pleasant fantasy, isn't it? Absolutely. Go big or go home. I can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do, but I can tell them exactly what I want. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Well I just did it. I sent her an email after going nc for 3 weeks. I didn't ask her back. I actually laid into her pretty hard about how she treated me and how it made me feel. I told her how I miss her and hope that we can have a healthy friendship if she is ever ready for that. The message was actually 3000 words so I'm leaving out a few things I guess you could say. lol geeze I feel like the girl in the rel right now. Basically what happens is she gets insecure, accuses me of stuff, gets pissed and says horrible things to me. I finally drew the line in the sand a month ago. She texted me for like a week trying to salvage things but I was pissed and didn't want anything to do with her so i only responded. Then we went nc and now it sucks for me. Now I turned off my email and my phone in case it forwards to her phone or something. Just the thought of seeing a msg from her makes me nervous. I even told her I wasn't expecting a response. Whats done is done, but I can almost promise you that this will become a regret later on. The e-mail really server no purpose and probably makes you look worse in the long run....BUT its done so just move on from here and NC for the rest of the duration. Good luck man
Author xilver Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 (edited) Whats done is done, but I can almost promise you that this will become a regret later on. The e-mail really server no purpose and probably makes you look worse in the long run....BUT its done so just move on from here and NC for the rest of the duration. Good luck man I know I won't regret saying it, because everything I said was true and if I anything I would have regretted not sending it. I'm not sure how this makes me look worse. At least she will know that I cared enough to let her know exactly how how I feel and I didn't just run away from her for no good reason wondering what happened. It hurts not being with her but I'm not going back with someone just to be walked on. That's what I focus on when times get rough. And if she could look at herself honestly, then well that is a good step. I do appreciate the support though thank you for that. Regardless of sending it I wasn't feeling too happy about what has happened. Edited July 18, 2013 by xilver
westjames111 Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I remember the days of sending the long emails. You always think you have gotten everything off your chest and said what you wanted, but as soon as you don't get a reply or the response you are looking for you think of another long email to send. Its just a never ending cycle. 1
JDPT Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Don't looks forward to her replying, you are still hanging on by hoping. View the email as closure and its time to sincerely move on.
Author xilver Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 I remember the days of sending the long emails. You always think you have gotten everything off your chest and said what you wanted, but as soon as you don't get a reply or the response you are looking for you think of another long email to send. Its just a never ending cycle. I know what you mean and it does hurt but I won't send another long e-mail. It is all in her court like I said before. It basically has to do with the relationship we had. She always told me what bothered her about me but I hardly ever told her what bothered me about her. We've broken up before and she takes it bad, easily worse than I do. I didn't feel like I owed her anything but I do still care about her so I wanted her to know exactly why it didn't work out. If she can't be happy with me then at least she can work on her issues and have a better chance with the next guy. I can honestly say I hurt no worse than before I sent it, and when I feel really down I can remind myself that she had an opportunity and didn't take it.
Author xilver Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 Don't looks forward to her replying, you are still hanging on by hoping. View the email as closure and its time to sincerely move on. She already replied. I don't need to psyche myself out like that. I'm a rational guy and we aren't kids. I'm not going to lie and say it doesn't hurt but in a way I like these emotions that I am feeling. It reminds me that I am capable of having those feelings for another. And I won't rule out that in the future we could have a relationship that works. I can think of only 1 ex other than her that I would try to make another relationship work with. That is one out of maybe 20 relationships. Not great odds but there is a chance. So I will go on with my life and fall in love again and whether it brings me back to her or someone else I am cool with that.
Echo000 Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 man ima give you my honest opinion, i dont think it was bad that you sent that- to each their own. but man, that email was about you and not her. That was an attempt to make yourself feel better, not an attempt to allow her to "work on her issues and have a better chance with the next guy". But hey, i do hope that email did you good.
Author xilver Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 man ima give you my honest opinion, i dont think it was bad that you sent that- to each their own. but man, that email was about you and not her. That was an attempt to make yourself feel better, not an attempt to allow her to "work on her issues and have a better chance with the next guy". But hey, i do hope that email did you good. Thanks. My intent was to let her know exactly what I had issues with. I was hoping that she would be apologetic or make some attempt to reconcile. I was also aware that was not likely to happen. I wasn't thinking oh yeah this will be good for her so she can fix herself for the next guy, but now that it is sent I do think that info will help her in that category. I also don't want her to spend the rest of her life miserably single. We just didn't work out, and that's not a reason to hate her.
Echo000 Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 good for you. yeah i think its good your being honest with yourself. if you dont mind me asking..how did she respond?
Author xilver Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 good for you. yeah i think its good your being honest with yourself. if you dont mind me asking..how did she respond? To sum it up she said she knows why it didn't work from her side and that now she knows from my side too. She agreed that it was unhealthy and that we hurt each other by how we coped with difficulties. She didn't address my issues other than disagreeing with them but also didn't defend them. She just said she was sorry that I was hurt and felt negatively towards her. She said she felt I didn't consider her a good gf and that letting me be was the best thing she could do for me. She apologized a couple more times about not living up to my standards, said she doesn't hate me, thanked me for writing her and wished me the best.
Matt10 Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Good for you man. I did the same thing and its only been 2 weeks since the break up. I sent her a long letter which I think hit her pretty good . Now I'm going no contact and deactivated Facebook which I know is itching at her because she texted and asked me but I didnt respond 1
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