itslife123 Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Me and my gf had been going out for 4 months. In that time we literally had no arguments. We both got a long great. She's 18 and I'm 23. We hung out once per week every week for four months. On Tuesday she thought it would be nice for me and my mom to visit her at work so that's what we did and everything was great. The very next night she sends me a text at 2 am saying she is still in love with her ex, and our relationship cannot continue and she is so sorry because I am such a great guy. She went on to say her feelings for me stopped growing and that I went too fast and she got scared..she also said that I was right when I told her 18 year olds don't no what they want and change their minds quick..(I told her that a very long time ago when I was weary about going out with an 18 year old)..I texted her a few times today but no response so I said it ..I'm not gonna bug her anymore, I cannot force her to be with me. So here's the thing..we only saw eatch other once per week ..and it was her idea that she meet my mom..so how is that going too fast? Or is that just a side thing that she said that really doesn't mean what she's trying to say.. During our 4 months she would text me every morning good morning texts and all day we would text (unless we were at work) how are you gonna tell me you're falling for me one day, and then the very next leave me?? I guess it's what I get for dating someone so young..should have expected it..and lastly she was molested as a child by her uncle ..and coincidentally her ex that she still claims to love, beat her and cheated on her numerous times.. An yet she still loves him..and has reconciled with him many times to my knowledge..it's just somewhat frustrating because I was raised right and went out of my way to do sweet things for her all the time..an she wasn't use to it. ..she had pics of me and her all over her facebook and even put up a section that im a great guy and she really sees guys differently because of me...i just am shocked she did this..anyway I guess tomorrow starts day 1 of coping..any advice is great. Thank you and sorry for the long post. Was I a rebound? because she said in her break up speech she "didn't think this would happen, and the feelings for me were real".. fyi we got together only 3 months after she and her abusive ex broke up.
JDPT Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 There is certainly a maturity factor to acknowledge here. I believe she made an attempt at forgeting her ex with you however, it didn't work out the way she wanted to hence why she came clean. It was much better this way for her to at least tell you straight forward rather than you not knowing. It's time for you to start setting boundaries and standards, what it is that you are looking for in a woman. Tomorrow will be your first day of NC and make it a good one and remain committed to it. The healing process will take as much as you want it to take. Reroute your thoughts, not need to dwell on unanswered questions, let her be and move forward with your life. You have not lost a thing but gained it all in life.
Philosoraptor Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 She said what she said in order to ease her own guilt. Truth is, yes, you were likely a rebound and she never lost those feelings for her ex. She has a very traumatic past and unless she works hard, she will stay in this cycle of controlling and abusive men. You were a class act for treating her well. Hang your hat on that and move on knowing you're a catch and that you will eventually find someone who treats you as well as you treat them.
theonlyjuan Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 It's always hard going out with someone who isn't over their ex. It has nothing to do with you! Don't beat yourself up. I am convinced my ex was never over hers and this prevented her loving me. It sucks for sure, but there is nothing you can do. Why is it, all the guys who were either abusive or nasty and made their gf feel bad and insecure always manage to have their ex still loving them? My ex's ex made her insecure and I could tell it still bothered her by the way she used to talk about him. For those of us that do everything right and treat them well, we end up getting dumped.
Chi townD Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Dude, she's 18. A teenager. She doesn't know what she wants out of life let alone out of a relationship. Time to move on and find someone in their twenties.
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