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Girl with boyfriend admitted to having feelings towards me

chrisftw

By chrisftw
in General Relationship Discussion

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chrisftw Established Member

chrisftw

Posted
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so a girl i work with who has a boyfriend of almost 2 years admitted she has feelings for me. however she doesn't know what to think or do or anything because she likes me to the point where she doesn't want to not be able to talk to me so she doesn't want to cross any lines with our friendship because of that possibility.

 

she says i make her smile. and that she can be sitting around and then all the sudden bust out laughing because of something I've said in the past that made her laugh.

 

to me.. that's some pretty deep stuff.

 

so how exactly do i proceed? should i continue to play it cool because honestly i always suspected her to have feelings for me but i just figured there's no chance because of the boyfriend.

 

or should i press this seed she's planted and see where it goes?

Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

Posted
Posted

I'd say press.

 

The two to three year mark, is where the honeymoon ends. That's when people really truly get comfortable, the love chemicals wear off completely, and you see who you are with for who they really truly are for the first time. This is especially true when people fall hard and fast head over heels "in love".

 

It may just be that the honeymoon is over for her and she's waking up to the reality that her BF isn't that great and is seeing what else is out there. It may be that she is looking to "monkey branch" onto you and will not let go of one BF until she has another. It may be that the relationship is emotionally over and they are just together by inertia.

 

A woman who is truly "in love" will not give you that seed. So don't even worry about that.

 

The real risk is that someday she will do the same to you. However, the only 100% sure way to avoid being broken up with is to never get with anyone. Take the chance.

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chrisftw Established Member

chrisftw

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Posted (edited)
I'd say press.

 

The two to three year mark, is where the honeymoon ends. That's when people really truly get comfortable, the love chemicals wear off completely, and you see who you are with for who they really truly are for the first time. This is especially true when people fall hard and fast head over heels "in love".

 

It may just be that the honeymoon is over for her and she's waking up to the reality that her BF isn't that great and is seeing what else is out there. It may be that she is looking to "monkey branch" onto you and will not let go of one BF until she has another. It may be that the relationship is emotionally over and they are just together by inertia.

 

A woman who is truly "in love" will not give you that seed. So don't even worry about that.

 

The real risk is that someday she will do the same to you. However, the only 100% sure way to avoid being broken up with is to never get with anyone. Take the chance.

 

I've heard of this monkey branch term. it's used a lot in communities like this but it has merit. because some of my dilemma is. well if she does have these feelings for me that she tries to fight off but nearly all came to a climax on one given night.

 

why doesn't she just dump her boyfriend? i would feel a little better moving in for the kill if he was out of the picture. or do i need to be closer to her in order for her to pull the trigger on that?

 

but i honestly think with her current squeeze. that he isn't nearly as entertaining to her as i am. i mean here's a woman who figured she had it figured out and all the sudden this stranger comes into town and shakes up her whole foundation.

 

hell one night she said she had been crying off and on all night because she didn't know how to deal with these 'emotions' and 'feelings' i figured she was just talking about a bad customer experience. so i told her not to worry about customers because you'll always get bad ones. she at the time said that was only part of the problem. and wouldn't elaborate on what the other part was. Now i feel after her reveal to me. that maybe some of the issue was.

 

she maybe feels betrayed by her own emotions that she would even have feelings for another man.

 

i dunno maybe i'm thinking to much into it. because ultimately your last point strikes true. what's to say she won't travel down this path again. only this time with me? but you're right. risk nothing gain nothing.

 

EDIT: when you say inertia. are you implying that time invested is the only thing holding things together? in other words 'settling'?

Edited by chrisftw
Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

Posted
Posted
I've heard of this monkey branch term. it's used a lot in communities like this but it has merit. because some of my dilemma is. well if she does have these feelings for me that she tries to fight off but nearly all came to a climax on one given night.

 

why doesn't she just dump her boyfriend? i would feel a little better moving in for the kill if he was out of the picture. or do i need to be closer to her in order for her to pull the trigger on that?

but i honestly think with her current squeeze. that he isn't nearly as entertaining to her as i am. i mean here's a woman who figured she had it figured out and all the sudden this stranger comes into town and shakes up her whole foundation.

 

 

Because she isn't sure she has a firm grasp on you yet. Men do this too, but are more likely to take the risk of jumping to a new branch. Women who do this need to know you'll be there to catch them.

 

 

Be warned, people who do what this sounds like leave as soon as the novelty and high wear off. They monkey branch in, and out.

 

 

 

hell one night she said she had been crying off and on all night because she didn't know how to deal with these 'emotions' and 'feelings' i figured she was just talking about a bad customer experience. so i told her not to worry about customers because you'll always get bad ones. she at the time said that was only part of the problem. and wouldn't elaborate on what the other part was. Now i feel after her reveal to me. that maybe some of the issue was.

 

she maybe feels betrayed by her own emotions that she would even have feelings for another man.

 

i dunno maybe i'm thinking to much into it. because ultimately your last point strikes true. what's to say she won't travel down this path again. only this time with me? but you're right. risk nothing gain nothing.

 

EDIT: when you say inertia. are you implying that time invested is the only thing holding things together? in other words 'settling'?

 

 

Not settling per se.

 

 

Time invested is a big reason people stay together.

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chrisftw Established Member

chrisftw

Posted
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Posted
Because she isn't sure she has a firm grasp on you yet. Men do this too, but are more likely to take the risk of jumping to a new branch. Women who do this need to know you'll be there to catch them.

 

 

Be warned, people who do what this sounds like leave as soon as the novelty and high wear off. They monkey branch in, and out.

 

 

which makes total sense considering her stance about how much she likes me, but she doesn't want to cross a line because she doesn't want to lose the ability to talk to me.

 

she may be looking down the road and that if it happened to this guy she's with it'll happen again. or so she thinks. and in break ups most of the time she just ends up breaking all ties. this girl doesn't really talk to any of her ex's anymore. which is actually a good thing in of itself. because it tells me she makes a clean break when things are over.

 

its funny because my last LTR said almost the same thing. she said

 

"i'm scared because i like you more than my ex and i don't want to lose my best friend"

 

of course after that LTR went long distance she met another man and we were done. and sure enough we no longer speak. such is relationships. there's a lot of gambling involved. you always stand to gain a lot but lose everything as well.

Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

Posted
Posted
which makes total sense considering her stance about how much she likes me, but she doesn't want to cross a line because she doesn't want to lose the ability to talk to me.

 

she may be looking down the road and that if it happened to this guy she's with it'll happen again. or so she thinks. and in break ups most of the time she just ends up breaking all ties. this girl doesn't really talk to any of her ex's anymore. which is actually a good thing in of itself. because it tells me she makes a clean break when things are over.

 

its funny because my last LTR said almost the same thing. she said

 

"i'm scared because i like you more than my ex and i don't want to lose my best friend"

 

of course after that LTR went long distance she met another man and we were done. and sure enough we no longer speak. such is relationships. there's a lot of gambling involved. you always stand to gain a lot but lose everything as well.

 

Exactly there is no such thing as a sure thing.

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chrisftw Established Member

chrisftw

Posted
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Posted

just an update.

 

in a shocking turn of events she got engaged to her boyfriend.

 

just goes to show you. action speaks louder than words. let this thread be a testament to that.

 

even the previous day before the engagement she was blowing my phone up. do not take anything for granted. as face value will save you from stress.

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