KAOJ Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Hello! Long time reader, first time poster. I've been dating a nice guy for just over four months and he never invites me to events that his friends will be attending. I invite him (almost) everywhere and he has met my closest friends and coworkers. He has given me a key and garage door opener to his home, but he will *not* introduce me to his closest friends. (I haven't been involved with anyone for over 5 years-so I have NO idea what I am doing) ....do you think this is normal that I am not included along with his friends? P.S.....not sure if these details are important: there is a sizeable age difference and we haven't had sex.
veggirl Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Have you asked him? "You've met most of my friends, I'd love to meet the people in your life, what do you think?" Is he separated and not divorced or anything like that? 2
darkmoon Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 mine was frightened that his friends would steal me away from him 1
Author KAOJ Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 (edited) I haven't asked him. I didn't know if that was proper ....you're right! I can ask him that, buuuuuut, I am a bit timid. And he is divorced. I believe he was divorced about 10 years ago. Edited July 17, 2013 by KAOJ typo
darkmoon Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I haven't asked him. I didn't know if that was proper ....you're right! I can ask him that, buuuuuut, I am a bit timid. And he is divorced. I believe he was divorced about 10 years ago. just mention it, I think a big talk looks OTT, just ask him if he's a loner because you never see his friends, I am semi-recluse atmo, seeing quality not quantity
Author KAOJ Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 what is OTT? sorry.....I am kinda new to some of these abbreviations
darkmoon Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 what is OTT? sorry.....I am kinda new to some of these abbreviations I just meant over the top, I mean just ask him lightly, you will see the truth in his eyes imho 1
Mrlonelyone Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 He may fear being judged for the age difference. He may not feel that you are all that serious if you haven't had sex. A man of certain years, 4 months, no sex... that's a long time. Many if not most people would, given that much time dating seriously, would bail if there wasn't some sex. 1
Author KAOJ Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 OH! Over the top thank you all for taking time to post replies! I, also feel like four months is a while to date and not have sex. He tells me he is old fashioned and I agree...he seems to be very traditional.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 OH! Over the top thank you all for taking time to post replies! I, also feel like four months is a while to date and not have sex. He tells me he is old fashioned and I agree...he seems to be very traditional. Are you ok with not having that type of intimacy? If you aren't, you need to address with him. You may just not be all that compatible. But not being introduced to friends is a red flag, in my opinion. Do they know about you? If you've been dating for a few months and his friends don't know he's got a girlfriend, that's very odd. Tell him you'd love to meet them and see what he says.
Author KAOJ Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 Are you ok with not having that type of intimacy? If you aren't, you need to address with him. You may just not be all that compatible. But not being introduced to friends is a red flag, in my opinion. Do they know about you? If you've been dating for a few months and his friends don't know he's got a girlfriend, that's very odd. Tell him you'd love to meet them and see what he says. (Its been a while, but) If I remember correctly I enjoy sex a great deal. Most of his friends know he is dating someone. He openly says "couple-type" things on social media. But (you are right) I would like to actually meet them. If there's a "sizeable" age difference like you said, one should probably assume he's got ED issues and he's using the "I'm old fashioned" excuse to cover up for it. He's also probably hesitant to introduce you to his friends because he fears they'll ridicule him for chasing young gals. Not sure what the age span is between you, but you should never put yourself in a place where someone is embarrassed at having you in their life, regardless of the reason. You're worth more than that. I didn't even think of ED! (There is 17 years between us) That could very well be the case. I like this guy quite a bit and would be willing to stand by him and work with him (so to speak). I just said to my sister last night, it feels like he is embarrassed or ashamed. Thank you for the kind words. And thank you for everyone to take time to reply.
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