Auguria Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Hello Fellas, I have been a bit tormented this past week. Nothing major. I am curious, though : whenever insecurity hits me in my relationship ( it happens to all of us at one point or another) I have a completely different take on it. I do not become- like some articles online or even some people suggest- clingy. For all purposes, I become even more independent than I usually am... No calls, give my boyfriend as much space as I can ( maybe even too much), I practically disappear from the face of the earth. He contacts me, I am my usual self. Or at least, I think I behave like my usual self. I go through the insecurity emotions all by myself. He never knows anything about it. I spend as much time as I need to heal from overthinking about the situation that brought up my insecurity. Meanwhile, though, our communication is dramatically decreased as I emotionally pull away. So, dear people, what is your take on dealing with insecurity? Do you become clingy, discuss everything and every situation that has made you insicure with your partner or do you become like me, a ghost girlfriend ?
Phantom888 Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Feeling insecure sucks. I definitely had my share of feeling insecure. Now I go to the gym whenever I feel insecure. I look in the mirror, and wow I'm pretty damn awesome. No more insecurity. I basically redirect my thoughts towards something positive that makes me feel good. 2
Rebellious Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 So you fight your insecurity by being antisocial? What are you insecure about?
ja123 Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 I don't have a boyfriend right now, but one of the criteria is whether or not I feel safe enough with him to be open and vulnerable and share my feelings. How long have you been dating? Have you always been like this why other guys? What makes you insecure? What makes the insecurity go away?
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 I am exactly like you. When I get insecure, I just withdraw. I don't think I'm capable of being clingy. 1
Eggplant Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 I also react that way. When I get insecure, I withdraw instead of cling.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 I am the same if someone dumps me too. I may ask initial "why" if it was out of the blue or a LTR, but I will ask very few questions. I never begged or tried to change guy's mind. I again, withdraw, say as little as possible and then deal with my pain by myself. 1
InsaneTrombone Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 I ask questions and try to learn and understand better. It may come off as clingy I suppose.
MrCastle Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 When someone does something to me, like change the dynamics of our relationship (less texts or calls than before, etc etc) or shows me in any way that the fire is dwindling, I hit the eject button. If they can't see how awesome I am and how much they need someone like me in their life -- it's not my job to try to make my case. I know who I am and what I'm capable of giving a woman. She can go find someone else and I'll go find someone better. 1
Emilia Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 So, dear people, what is your take on dealing with insecurity? Do you become clingy, discuss everything and every situation that has made you insicure with your partner or do you become like me, a ghost girlfriend ? I think, as usual, the middle road that is healthy. Not clinging, not shutting out but having a constructive discussion if possible. I'd say it's less likely to result in wild swings from one extreme to the other. 1
Els Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Second what Emilia says. I think, like in most things in life, a balanced approach is best for dealing with insecurity. I'm not advocating that you talk to your bf about your insecurity everyday - that would definitely get tiring for him. But if you're in a LTR and comfortable enough to discuss personal problems, I'd say at least talk to him once about it so he knows where you're coming from and why you're doing the cave thing (I'd say 'caveman', but, like you've proven, it's not only men who withdraw when facing problems). Good luck, hope you manage to work through the issues with him.
giblesp Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Going distant can be another symptom of being insecure. Surprising that your boyfriend hasn't picked up on it. Does he ever sense your closure and try and open you again? You could go off by yourself, but do you feel that you're getting the best out of your relationship with your BF that way?
jphcbpa Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 I write about it, pray on it, meditate, redirect thoughts, put the mirror on myself, go back and review old notes I have written when I was feeling similar, go for a run/workout, talk to a trusted group of men in my life. Sometimes (very rarely because I do not want to burden her) I will tell my g/f, "hey, I am feeling insecure today, you have not done anything wrong and there is nothing you need to do, you can't fix me...just wanted to share that with you because I would want you to do the same with me". Like anything, it is a feeling...this too shall pass. It is usually triggered by FEAR (false evidence appearing real). All in my head, phantoms that really cannot hurt me. It has nothing to do with her.
Treasa Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 When/if I feel insecure, I tend to withdraw and become introspective on what's bothering me. If that's what you're doing, I think you're fine. Men aren't the only ones who need their caves to pull back into.
Brunettie Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 I deal with it on my own, I try not to let him know that I'm feeling insecure. If he can tell something's wrong, and asks, I'll tell him. but I don't cling or try talking to him more. I would talk to a friend about it and see her opinion.
Sunshine87 Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 When I am insecure, I withdraw as well! Do men act this way or is it only common among women?
yankees51988 Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 I feel the same way but I don't think it is because of insecurity. Whenever a girl is super into me they always just call or text me like nonstop every single day so I feel like I don't really have to contact them and usually just wait for them to hit me up. Even if I am super into them I won't even put any effort in and just feel like oh they will hit me up if they want it bad enough.
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