SadFellow2004 Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 I just want to start off by saying hi to everyone, I have never been on this website or used these forums and I never thought I would have to. Let me start out by saying that I am a very shy person and I have been battling with my own demons a few months before I met this girl I have had a low self esteem for a while. I was at work during the month of September when I noticed this astonishing beautiful and friendly blonde girl named Megan. I am the type of guy that is very shy and I did not have much luck with any girls in the future so I never had the balls to initiate a date with any girl that I have ever been with or was interested in. I don't even know this girls name most of the time working at our job, one day she has one of her friends come up to me near the end of February and say that she thinks I am really cute and that she has thought I was hot ever since the first day she saw me. Being me I was scared to be in a relationship because I thought I would be hurt and I wasnt a cool enough guy to be with someone like this, I am not trying to draw pity I am working with this myself right now. But anyways we start dating she was 19 I am 21, we hit it off very well we see each other almost every day. We do something almost every day and go out to the clubs every weekend. About 2 months goes by and she says that she loves me, I say that I love her too, I know this was probably early but I believe that she really did love me because I have never felt the way I felt when I was with her, she was my first love. About 2 months after that we move in together, I know this was fast too, but I wanted to get away from the bad influences I had when living with my roomates. We are still very happy with each other, we get in little arguments now and then about stupid stuff. Keep in mind that every day since we started dating we just about saw each other unless one of us went out of town to go somewhere on a trip. During the course of our relationship she gets pregnant, she says that she wants to have the kid, but everyone else that she talks to including me says it is not the wisest thing to do we are both very young and can not afford to support a child but she desperately wants it. From the start I said that I would not make her have an abortion but when this happened I panicked out like a loser, from this day on I wish I never did. She was trying to decide what she wanted to do, but deep down I know she wanted the child. Finally I pick her up one day from work and I ask her if she has decided, she says she is going to have the kid, once again I panic and start yelling at her, I had never yelled at her like this before. I hurt her feelings badly I know it. We go about our life she decides to go down to the clinic to find out how the baby is coming along, she finds out she is having a miscarriage. She starts looking really depressed, and I had tried to do everything I could to say I was sorry about what I told her, and that I would honestly stick around no matter what she decided but I was panicking earlier on, and this is the god awful truth I would have stuck with her. We start going about our life and about a month later I find out she kissed this guy in the club, it was a time that I didnt go with her. She said she was so sorry and wrote me a huge letter about how sad she was and that she wanted to see if it would make her happy to be with someone else and that she didnt want me to leave her and to stick with her and start over. So we started over, we still keep dating for another 2 months, the last of the second months of our dating she starts spending a lot of time with her friends and not wanting to spend time with me. Before we started dating she told me that she had dated a marine for 2 weeks and he had got called over to Iraq. She threw all his pictures away and everything, he even tried to call her the first 6 months we were dating and she didnt answer his phone calls. Then one day she answers his phone call and he tells her hes back in town and wants to see her. She goes to her friends house to drink that we usually party at every weekend and the guy is there and tries to kiss her, she pushes him away and tells me what happened. SHe tells him she doesnt want to be with him she is happy with me. He leaves and goes to texas to visit his parents. Over the next month my girlfriend started looking really depressed, I told her 100s of times I was sorry for doing anthing I did, and from the start she said she would never cheat on me or even kiss another guy and she had been so honest about everything that she had told me before this. I look at her phone and I find out this marine guy has been calling her and she has been talking to him. She says she wont talk to him anymore. I find another phonecall from him and I get upset. We decide to take a break apart for two weeks. We get together again after the two weeks she has sex with me the next 3 nights, then we plan to spend a whole day together so we can get our relationship stronger again and spend some time together and she says she has to help her friends with stuff, when she had been spending time with them the whole last month. I get upset and we talk about it and we decide to stay apart again. Two weeks later I call her and she says she doesnt love me the same way she does, but she cries and cries every time I talk to her, I call her a lot after this and one night I find out that she started dating the marine again and he was in her bed with her when I came over, he didnt say jack **** to me though I was so angry and drunk at the time he looked really scared. She tells me not to be mad that she still wants to be my friend and that she loves me but only as a friend and that she is going to be dating this guy. What I can't understand is that we had so much love together, I don't know how she could fall out of love so fast with me deep down in my mind I think it was the abortion issue but we stood together 3 months after the miscarriage and she seemed fine until the last month. I know I was only dating her for 8 months but I love her so much and I still love her, and I have forgave her for everything she did. Everytime I talk to her she says she is sorry and that I was the best boyfriend to her, I was so nice and gave her everything she wanted but she doesnt feel the same anymore. I don't know what to do, I want her back so badly but she is seeing this marine guy and I know she still loves me but she doesnt want to admit it, she can not even look me in the face she is so sad when she sees me. Should I still try to be with her in the future, I love her so much and I know everyone will say, well this is your first love bla bla bla, you just feel like this because shes your first love, but she was so much more then that. I know she loved me with all her heart, she told me things she had never told anyone else. I just don't she how she can not love me within 1 month of being seperated. I have got to where I don't call her anymore. In Fact its only been 5 days, since I havent talked to her, every time I call her she cries. What do I do people. I know she is probably dating this guy so she can see if she is happy with anyone else or to try to forget about me because I hurt her, But I want to be with her so bad. I have this feeling deep down inside that it will not work out with her and the marine and she will call me back, but by then I might not want to have her back. I loved her so much and I still love her. Please help me.
dyermaker Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 Deep down, you know that this is for the best. But logic and emotion are enemies. Until logic wins, I'm sorry you're hurting, and I hope you find a way to manage.
Author SadFellow2004 Posted October 25, 2004 Author Posted October 25, 2004 I don't understand why she would say she was so happy with me though and that she wanted to work everything out and begging for me to stay with her, then out of nowhere she feels differently. I feel like I was played or used. She said we were destined to be together and we talked about being married and having kids so many times. I can not stop thinking about her, everywhere I go she is there in my thoughts and dreams.
neptoon Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 As a woman, I think you should let go of her because you are hurting her. We cry on the phone when an ex calls us because it hurts to hear them cry. I cried for 3 days the last time I talked to my ex (last December) -- just because I heard the sadness in his voice and I felt a tad guilty about finding happiness with someone else. If you want an explanation about what happened, here goes: Evolution. To increase our chances of producing offspring, our bodies react to those whom we deem "unsuitable" for breeding. It is one of those things that will put a permanent chill in a relationship. Responsibility is one of those things that affect our perception whether we deem a man suitable or unsuitable. My ex did that to me when I got pregnant. We had agreed beforehand that I would not have a child if one were to occur by accident. When I did get pregnant, I made an appointment to have an abortion. Just before doing it, I had an ultrasound done. The technician gave me a copy of the ultrasound printout. That one little piece of paper changed my whole world and I wanted to keep it. I talked to my ex about it and he FREAKED. He went hysterical and started crying. I was 26 at the time. I had the abortion but with regret. That was the turning point in our relationship. I still loved him, I still cared about him but my attraction for him was gone completely. I no longer envisioned spending the rest of my days with him. Sex became less intense. I cared about him and didn't want to break his heart. I began desiring another man that I thought would make a suitable father. I let the relationship carry on for another year and a bit but I couldn't get my thoughts away from that man. I began to get very clingy and I did everything I could think of to make him want to leave -- I loved him but fell out of love with him and no longer loved him on a romantic/sexual level. I thought of him as my best friend and that was it. I cried so many times because it was the biggest dilemma of all -- do I give up wanting to have children to be with him. I would be betraying myself and nature. It's not his fault that he doesn't want the same things I want just yet -- but my clock's ticking. So we got into a minor fight one day, he said to break up and I don't know how serious he was about it but I held him to it. I never wanted to go back. He was a good boyfriend but that's different than being a good father. I loved him but not enough to give up what I really want for him. It was for the best.
MadKurlz Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 I know it hurts really bad, you cant eat, you cant sleep and you feel sick to your stomach. right now time is on your side. You must concentrate on keeping busy, and lil by lil the pain will go away in due time. Leave her be. I f she wants you back later, you will know what to do.
catindahat Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 "It takes a second to have a crush on someone, An hour to like someone, A day to love some one, But it takes a life time to forget someone." Of course you'll never forget your love with her. Doesn't mean you have to mope. Eat your fave foods and do your fave things and eventually the pain will go away, but never the memory.
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