theonlyjuan Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Wow! As I have said before.... I came out of a LTR. got involved with a girl, went tits up then shortly after started dating my current ex. I have said how at the time I painted a lovely happy picture in my head about the relationship. Over a month ago we broke up, at first I was devastated. Not long after I started to doubt my feelings I had and how happy I thought I was. I doubted how good I thought it all was. Recently started thinking, do I rebound too often and too fast. I remember talking to my ex at the time from my previous LTR. I was moaning about this girl I met after her, and how she messed me about. So I just went back on FB and looked through our old conversations. They span from when I met that girl, to when she messed me about and then finally to when I met my current ex. WOW! I have some problems. I went from despair about the girl I got involved with, to admitting I stopped caring as soon as I had other girls talking to me. Then I admitted to liking my current ex already having only met her that night. I even said " I like anyone way too fast " When I started getting to know my current ex I even said to my ex from the LTR " I don't know if I like her cos I got messed around by the other girl. It's the same as me liking the other girl after we broke up. I hate being alone " I am ashamed to say, there are more quotes like that. It has really opened my eyes! I knew I did this, but reading it really makes it all more real. It is really embarrassing and I can honestly see myself doing this again, if I am not careful.
seahawker64 Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Yea, that's a tricky one man. If I like someone it's like "BOOM" a train just went off the tracks but if I don't like someone, I run as fast and as far away as I can. it's either feast or famine. I've read some stuff about love addiction and sometimes I wonder if that may be an issue for me but I dunno.
Philosoraptor Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Does sound like you have a trend of moving around too quickly and not letting yourself completely end the previous relationship before aiming towards a new one. It's a form of pain management and many many many people do the same thing. In its own way though it sabatoges your chances to make a new relationship last as you haven't allowed for internal closure for the previous ones.
Author theonlyjuan Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 Thanks for the replies. I think it's just in my personality. I get addicted/obsessed over things very easily. I'm a " full on or nothing " type personality and don't really do things in moderation. This has included, relationships,drink,drugs and currently gym. I think I am very fickle when it comes to girlfriends. It helps me get over an ex but like you say, it stops me developing a proper relationship. How do I stop this? I have stopped myself going to clubs because I am scared I will do this again. I'm one of these people that goes with what they think at the time. I struggle to listen to people that say " don't do it " Fml
Philosoraptor Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 If it's something you truly want to do then you need to fill you time up with other hobbies and activities that keep you interested and help you personally grow. Going to a club isn't an issue unless you find yourself suddenly jumping into relationships with someone as soon as you meet them. You can talk, mingle, have fun, and anything else you want to do without commiting to that person.
Author theonlyjuan Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 I just don't want to end up convincing myself that I like the first girl that shows any interest in me.
Philosoraptor Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 You can like them but be smart about discerning whether that like consists of. Do you like them as a friend? Do you like them for their body? Do you like them because they're funny? Do you like them for their brains? Or is truly the kind of like where you want to experience more with them? Just have to be patient and examine things a bit more. Is this someone you want to spend a lot of time with or someone you just want to spend the evening with?
Author theonlyjuan Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 Obviously looks play a part when you first see them. They have to be nice and have a good personality. I just find it hard to not instantly want to be with then. Immediately I think of them as a potential girlfriend. I did it with my recent ex. At the time I knew I should have been friends for a while. Within a few weeks of knowing her I told my ex I liked her. Few weeks after that we went on our first date n had our first kiss. Pretty much straight after that we started seeing each other. I think I can find the good in anyone and convince myself I like them and we are a good match. I don't k ow why but I always feel in a rush to move on to a new relationship. I think I just need to find a girl I like but be friends with for a while. I just tend to ignore all the warning signs. Me and my ex were not a perfect match but I managed to ignore those things and convince myself it was all great and perfect. I don't want to do it again
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