Maffy18 Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Hey guys, I will try make this short but I'm looking for some advice/reassurance. About a month ago, myself and my now ex girlfriend Emma broke up. The circumstances were horrible as she dumped me whilst my mum was in hospital receiving emergency open heart surgery and if that wasn't bad enough, this was right in the middle of my final exams in school. I was so heartbroken and even though she was a complete bitch to me I still longed to be with her and I stil loved her a hell of a lot. This breakup lasted for about two weeks as she kissed a guy at a party during this breakup and she said this made her realise how much she loved me and that she was extremely ashamed and sorry for dumping me during this time I was having and wanted to get back together, she said she had also had her eyes opened by her friends who told her how amazing a boyfriend I was and that it was a mistake of her to end it. Out of the goodness of my heart and even though it was an extremely hard decision I forgave her, and we reconciled our relationship. She then wrote me a love letter staying how sorry she was and how her love for me was huge and that I was perfect. Anyway, after this, she then went on to ignore me for a week, during which I really wanted to see her as she was going on a school trip to Africa for 4 weeks at the end of this week, I got angry and told her this wasn fair and she agreed and said she was trying to make sure we didn't see that much of each other before she left as it would make not being with me in Africa harder, I know right? But before she left she told me that she loved me Loads and that things would be the same when she got home. These three weeks apart were very hard for me as I missed Emma a heck of a lot and also my mum fell unwell again, but the day she came home she dumps me, again. She says that the time apart has made her realise that we aren't right together and that it would be better if we were apart, reluctantly and heartbreakingly I agreed, as long as she's happy I'm happy. But, I find out trough her friends that no, it is not as simple a breakup as this and that I have been cheated on. She slept with a guy in Africa, whom, may I as her best fried has a crush on and she knew this. Angry was an extreme understatement here. I sent Emma extremely abusive text messages saying everything you would expect as I gathered all the things she had ever gave me, letters, clothes, everything and I put them in a bag and left them in her front garden. I later apologised for the messages as I felt bad and thought it would be the bigger thing to do. Emma then went on to tell that I had "no right to be angry and shouldn't have sent such hurtful things" and that handing her back everything that reminds me of her was "pathetic". Is this right? Or is it totally acceptable to do? Am I in the wrong? Anyway as the days went by I received a message from Emma's older sister who said she didn't appreciate my messages to Emma and thought better of me but wanted to know what happened, so I told her the full story, and then she applogised for what she said as she didn't know the full story, she went on to say how these things happens but she can't understand Emma's actions as I treated her like every girl dreams of. She then said she can't all to me about anything that was bothering me as Emma had basically cut me off, I then went on to dump on her how I suffered from bad depression whilst my mum was ill, Emma knew this to bit was this a wise idea? I feel on edge that her and her sister are laughing about it and at me, her sister didn't reply after I sent that, but Emma didn't know she had messaged me she had stressed this to me, should I be worried? Is this and the other thing pathetic and a bad end to the relationship? Emma and the cheater are now a couple by the way, I'm trying to cope but it's rather tough. Any words from you guys would be greatly appreciated, please help !! Should I feel guilty? Any help or advice?
JDPT Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 She cheated on you numerous times regardless of her disclosing how much she loves you that to me just does not makes any sense. Do yourself a favor and start NC. You are in for a ton of heartache if you continue with this girl, save yourself future grief and move on. I hope your mother is doing well.
AllTooWell Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I'm sorry you're going through this. Let me say a couple of things. No, what you texted her was not okay. I'm sure it hurt her feelings, which is what you sent out to do when you texted her that. That being said, this girl cheated on you, and has treated you like complete ****. She seems like a very immature, and VERY manipulative girl. She also lied to you about the reason for your break up. SHE is the one who should be feeling guilty. What you texted her was wrong, but it is also understandable and I bet many, many MANY people have said those things - and worse - in situations similar to yours. I think you REALLY need to take a step back. This girl is not nice to you. It doesn't matter if her mother comes and says you are a great boyfriend. It doesn't matter how many times you hear it from her friends because SHE HERSELF DOES NOT SEE IT AND DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU. You need to cut off contact with her family and her friends because they are clouding your vision and giving you false hope. You need to start NC today. This girl CHOSE to cheat on you, CHOSE to leave you. She has established a very obvious pattern of behaviour which is that she does NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU. You need to cut this girl out and work on yourself because it appears that your ego has taken a tremendous blow. Delete her and go dark. She has chosen to leave you, she is choosing to live with out you, let her face the full blow of that decision. You are no longer hers, you no longer should listen to her emotional issues, you are not her bitch or her emotional crutch. Grab the power back from this woman. She has belittled you and emasculated you and it's time to take your control back, heal, and show her that she has made a mistake - by ignoring her, going NC, and being the best you you can be. Oh, and. Yes it is normal that you feel guilty. However you have no reason to apologize to her. Until she says "I'm sorry for dumping you, kissing someone, GETTING BACK WITH YOU, ignoring you for a week, having sex with another man, lying to you, and dumping you again." I do not think you owe this woman an apology. You are going to convince yourself you should apologize but that is because you want to be in contact with her. Any apology you attempt to send right now will lead to more harm and more fighting. Space and silence is the best thing you can do right now.
SimonSerenade Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Walk away and never look back, do it while listening to this song, anyone I've ever known named Emma has been poison and the trend goes on and on. Alkaline Trio - Emma - YouTube But seriously man, she cheated on you and put you through hell when you needed her, you haven't heard the last from her, she'll be back to give you hell time and time again, don't talk to her, delete her on everything and give yourself some time to heal, be there for your mother and make her your priority right now, she's the one lady in your life who won't leave you, not like that bitch did.
Author Maffy18 Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 Many thanks for your fast replies, I have gone NC, I ignored a happy birthday text from her, it's my birthday, and have listened to my friends who are trying to help me through this, but they themselves said they can see how hurt and on the floor I am just now. My mums getting better in case you were wondering but it is hurting her recovery, me being in this state I mean. Hopefully I can get there soon, any other words of advice?
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