JDPT Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Slight background: I was the dumpee, dumped off a 5 year relationahip with just a little over 2 months NC.I've been having horrible days lately thinking, needing answers, feeling lonely, being angry/bitter and missing her. Last night against my better judgement I sent her an email, it was brief and to the point, just a few sentences telling her how I feel and hoping to work it out. And now of course I feel like a complete ahole now and in worst pain than I was in before. She has not responded and for all I know my email went straight to junk and even if she read it I'm 99% sure she will not respond to it . Needless to say I need to start from scratch. I need advise guys.
Chi townD Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Not much to say. You weren't the first person to ever break NC and you certainly won't be the last. Thing is, you know what you did wrong. Just, jump back on that wagon. No big deal. Just forget you ever wrote it. 2
Minneloa Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I agree with ChiTownD: dust yourself off, back on the horse. No use beating yourself up about it further, and no judgment here. Use this experience as fuel to renew your commitment to NC, and remember that you can always come here to post, vent, and commiserate. Sending good thoughts! 2
Author JDPT Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 Not much to say. You weren't the first person to ever break NC and you certainly won't be the last. Thing is, you know what you did wrong. Just, jump back on that wagon. No big deal. Just forget you ever wrote it. I absolutely need to. All I keep thinking is her thinking "wth?" having a grand time while I'm here still stuck in time.
Author JDPT Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 I agree with ChiTownD: dust yourself off, back on the horse. No use beating yourself up about it further, and no judgment here. Use this experience as fuel to renew your commitment to NC, and remember that you can always come here to post, vent, and commiserate. Sending good thoughts! I appreciate that, I keep telling myself this is the last time, I refuse to embarrass myself any further.
Chi townD Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Then move on! Doing NC is one thing, but you need to be making positive changes in your life in conjunction with NC as well!!!! If you ONLY do NC, you're going to heal. But, just doing NC and ONLY NC, it makes the healing process take a hellva lot longer! So, what positive changes have you made in your life? 2
Author JDPT Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 Then move on! Doing NC is one thing, but you need to be making positive changes in your life in conjunction with NC as well!!!! If you ONLY do NC, you're going to heal. But, just doing NC and ONLY NC, it makes the healing process take a hellva lot longer! So, what positive changes have you made in your life? I've been back to the gym on a daily basis following a very militant regiment, eating healthy, treating myself lately going to concerts, booked a trip hopefully leaving in a few months, I've been seeing a therapist and to be best of my ability following all theraputic exercises to get me through rough times. Taking my very last class in order for me to graduate College, massively sending resumes. I'm trying but it's those weak moments that get the best of me. This is advise that I usually give out to other in moments of distress and I need to learn how to internalize it myself "remain in complete control."
Chi townD Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Okay! Good deal!! You have a lot of positive things going on in your life! So, guess what? You're not stuck in time! You just have momentary lapses and that's completely normal! So, look forward to the positives! Think about how great it will be to finally be done with college. Think about this trip your gonna take. Think about how much fun your going to have.
Author JDPT Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 Okay! Good deal!! You have a lot of positive things going on in your life! So, guess what? You're not stuck in time! You just have momentary lapses and that's completely normal! So, look forward to the positives! Think about how great it will be to finally be done with college. Think about this trip your gonna take. Think about how much fun your going to have. I absolutely have so much to look forward to and should be happy and grateful. If I could stop myself from constantly thinking what she is up to, who she is with, who she is screwing, I am just too busy imagining things. I think I will be in much better shape.
forgetmenot75 Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Delete her as a contact and mark her email address as spam. Or, much better, delete your email account and open a new one, so you don't have to wait for her to asnwer your email from last night. You'll be fine 1
Chi townD Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I absolutely have so much to look forward to and should be happy and grateful. If I could stop myself from constantly thinking what she is up to, who she is with, who she is screwing, I am just too busy imagining things. I think I will be in much better shape. Dude, all of that is just part of the deal. It takes time. That's how it happened for me. One morning, I woke up, showered, had breakfast and went to class. After class, I was walking to the next building I need to get to and I had an epiphany, I thought to myself, "Holy sh*t! She wasn't the first thing I thought of as I woke up this morning!" That's when I knew I was starting to heal. 1
AllTooWell Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Breaking NC sucks but it does teach you something. Breaking it early on made it easier for me to go strong now. Because it shows you they no longer care, they don't want to be with you. The questions you have, they don't have answers to and even if they did it would lead to more questions and insufficient answers. There is no answer to "why did you break my heart?" the answer is to pick yourself up and move on. You learned from your mistake, we've ALL been there, don't beat yourself up about it. **** happens. Happy day 1 of NC, you can do it 1
Author JDPT Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 Breaking NC sucks but it does teach you something. Breaking it early on made it easier for me to go strong now. Because it shows you they no longer care, they don't want to be with you. The questions you have, they don't have answers to and even if they did it would lead to more questions and insufficient answers. There is no answer to "why did you break my heart?" the answer is to pick yourself up and move on. You learned from your mistake, we've ALL been there, don't beat yourself up about it. **** happens. Happy day 1 of NC, you can do it I absolutely agree that it was for the best for me to break NC after only 2 months. It clearly shows that the other side could not care any less and that's ok because it puts things into perspective for me to move forward vigorously and never look back.
aloneinaz Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Don't beat yourself up. EVERYONE has screwed up in love relationships, lord knows I have!! My ex broke up with me three different times! THREE TIMES! The third time is the last! Remind yourself that something was broken or the relationship wouldn't have ended. She's not contacting you so that a strong signal that you need to move on. You're doing a lot of the right things but what about hanging out with new girls or casual dating? It's only natural you're going to think about your ex if you have no other girl/girls in your life. After my ex ended it the third time, I started dating 2-3 weeks later since I knew that it was a DEAD relationship. I can't tell you how much it's helped me move on. Attention from the opposite sex is healing. I'm now dating only one girl and we agreed to only date each other after a couple of weeks because of the chemistry, connection and attraction. I'm childishly gleeful due to seeing my ex on two different dating sites trying to find someone else when I took my profiles down.. Hey, we need to get satisfaction where we can!
Author JDPT Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 Don't beat yourself up. EVERYONE has screwed up in love relationships, lord knows I have!! My ex broke up with me three different times! THREE TIMES! The third time is the last! Remind yourself that something was broken or the relationship wouldn't have ended. She's not contacting you so that a strong signal that you need to move on. You're doing a lot of the right things but what about hanging out with new girls or casual dating? It's only natural you're going to think about your ex if you have no other girl/girls in your life. After my ex ended it the third time, I started dating 2-3 weeks later since I knew that it was a DEAD relationship. I can't tell you how much it's helped me move on. Attention from the opposite sex is healing. I'm now dating only one girl and we agreed to only date each other after a couple of weeks because of the chemistry, connection and attraction. I'm childishly gleeful due to seeing my ex on two different dating sites trying to find someone else when I took my profiles down.. Hey, we need to get satisfaction where we can! When we started dating I neglected all friends male/female and only focused on my ex which was a terrible mistake. All we did was spend time with each other and we thought that was just fine although we never had any discussions in that regard. She had only female friends and as far as I knew she had no male friends and didn't talk to any guys (unless she was doing it without me knowing it) which was great for me as I didn't have to worry about her and the opposite sex. I feel a little rusty now hence why I possibly have not taken the initiative to start dating or talking to other girls. I feel as if I have lost my touch with women but I know in time I'll get back into the swing of things and start dating like I used to, pick girls up, bring them to my apartment and have a good time, that was my life before my ex. Breaking NC has actually helped so much to put things into perspective. I need to move forward with my life full force and never look back.
aloneinaz Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 When we started dating I neglected all friends male/female and only focused on my ex which was a terrible mistake. All we did was spend time with each other and we thought that was just fine although we never had any discussions in that regard. She had only female friends and as far as I knew she had no male friends and didn't talk to any guys (unless she was doing it without me knowing it) which was great for me as I didn't have to worry about her and the opposite sex. I feel a little rusty now hence why I possibly have not taken the initiative to start dating or talking to other girls. I feel as if I have lost my touch with women but I know in time I'll get back into the swing of things and start dating like I used to, pick girls up, bring them to my apartment and have a good time, that was my life before my ex. Breaking NC has actually helped so much to put things into perspective. I need to move forward with my life full force and never look back. That's exactly it.. Take baby steps back into engaging with girls. Don't take it seriously. You're trying to find someone that's fun to hang out with that maybe can turn into a relationship down the road. I'm just not a proponent of people sitting home for months crying over someone who dumped them. It does you no good. People with healthly self esteem and confidence can grieve for a few weeks or a month or two then dust themselves off and get back in the game. Life's far too short to waste undo time and effort thinking about someone who didn't want us in their lives anymore. F-that. You've dated before and you met your ex. There's no reason you can't do it all again. 1
xilver Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 I'm thinking of breaking NC also after only 3 weeks though. I don't know if I have the nerve to do it. In a way I admire you like you aren't carrying around that burden anymore. 1
Author JDPT Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 That's exactly it.. Take baby steps back into engaging with girls. Don't take it seriously. You're trying to find someone that's fun to hang out with that maybe can turn into a relationship down the road. I'm just not a proponent of people sitting home for months crying over someone who dumped them. It does you no good. People with healthly self esteem and confidence can grieve for a few weeks or a month or two then dust themselves off and get back in the game. Life's far too short to waste undo time and effort thinking about someone who didn't want us in their lives anymore. F-that. You've dated before and you met your ex. There's no reason you can't do it all again. Gotta love that statement, so true. For whatever reason they no longer want us in their life and you know what that's perfectly fine with me! Time to dust it off and back to business as usual.
Author JDPT Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 (edited) I'm thinking of breaking NC also after only 3 weeks though. I don't know if I have the nerve to do it. In a way I admire you like you aren't carrying around that burden anymore. Such a burden it WAS, keep in mind that I in no way encourage to break NC, this just happen to work in my favor and I'm so happy it did, hang on tight and remain in complete control, you can do it and we are here for you. Edited July 18, 2013 by JDPT
Author JDPT Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 Yep. You should maintain a separate interest group from your relationship. You might not see them as often, but you do need to make the time for them, even if it's once a month, away from your relationship, where you talk about non-relationship stuff. It's vitally important. Because good friends are a forever thing. They're family. And you can't give them up for something that might not last. This is certainly a much better way to carry on a healthier relationship. I sadly failed to acknowledge that then but I think I'm learning so much from past experiences that will help me be a better partner for my next relationship, live and learn. 1
bluegreen Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 So you reached out she ignored you so WHAT ? OK hurts like b... you feel humiliated but you know what this is worse how it will feel and it will pass to. You did not kick puppy on street robbed bank or killed someone give yourself a freaking break from what you written you seem like great guy I'd date you if I met you. Now delete that mail open new one and do not look back or simply block her She got something to say she can track you down in other ways
Author JDPT Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 So you reached out she ignored you so WHAT ? OK hurts like b... you feel humiliated but you know what this is worse how it will feel and it will pass to. You did not kick puppy on street robbed bank or killed someone give yourself a freaking break from what you written you seem like great guy I'd date you if I met you. Now delete that mail open new one and do not look back or simply block her She got something to say she can track you down in other ways It feels so good and so much better now and the best part is that I don't look forward to a response. I live and I learn and move forward with my life.
bluegreen Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 It feels so good and so much better now and the best part is that I don't look forward to a response. I live and I learn and move forward with my life. That's a boy there you go did you close that e mail ? Honestly do it block her from all social media believe me you will feel such a pressure ease of you and real relief. Each person that was advised to do that including myself and having it done reported same thing : IT FEELS SO MUCH EASIER to go trough the day and breathe live be themselves again. 1
shyguy0714 Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 (edited) That's exactly it.. Take baby steps back into engaging with girls. Don't take it seriously. You're trying to find someone that's fun to hang out with that maybe can turn into a relationship down the road. I'm just not a proponent of people sitting home for months crying over someone who dumped them. It does you no good. People with healthly self esteem and confidence can grieve for a few weeks or a month or two then dust themselves off and get back in the game. Life's far too short to waste undo time and effort thinking about someone who didn't want us in their lives anymore. F-that. You've dated before and you met your ex. There's no reason you can't do it all again. I like this post I was the dumpee in a relationship that lasted about a year (longest for me, by far the most enjoyable, but of course hurt the worst when it ended) While my ex has contacted me up until the last week or two, we have not been seeing each other or been on good terms for the last 2.5 months. I managed 3 weeks of NC before she contacted me. However, this last time she contacted me only just further proved she was not the right person for me and how I could never, ever be in a relationship with her again. I'm going to do my best to not reply to any text messages from her that might or might not happen to pop up from her in the next coming weeks. Edited July 18, 2013 by shyguy0714
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