Author Hurtslikehell Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 Yea ill get there...tbh the only "crazy" part is the part where I actually want her back and have tried to move mountains just to get her to talk to me...it's all been in vain and I should never have done it in the first place (there is no probably - she admitted cheating!) but I wasn't ready to give up on us! Now it's a combo of rejection , hurt, exhaustion, and a bit of anger that is letting me disengage a good bit better. I still feel like I've been robbed of my life as I knew it and a huge feeling of injustice - but now at the point where I know my life will be awesome again one day (hopefully soon!) Again though, I understand that her decisions are now catching up with her. She won't talk to me so I can't do anything for her even if I wanted to. I've learned a lot though these past 3 months and will never be in this position ever again! If anything, my actions can only show how much she means to me, but ive given all i can and i think she will be sorry one day!
Author Hurtslikehell Posted July 25, 2013 Author Posted July 25, 2013 I'm gonna keep updating this if you guys don't mind - and feel free to jump in any time... So after what happened at the weekend, I've heard nothing and am not surprised as it is typical of how this whole episode has played out. At this stage I'm not interested in making contact as I have nothing further to add! My messages to her at the weekend would bring a tear to a glass eye, and were so unmistakably loving and thoughtful that you'd need a heart of stone to not feel moved by them...but no reply has been received. Again, not surprised and not as disappointed or as deflated as I thought I would be! I've gone all out trying to concentrate on things that take my mind off her, applying for a 2nd job so that I can manage a bit better since the bulk of the bills/debts are in my name, trying to meet friends more regularly and plan the weekends out, booked a wee mini holiday with a mate of mine, and am trying hard not to think about bee as much as possible. It's been a few days of n/c and I'm aiming for the month mark to prove to myself I can do it! My mind does still wander a lot though still and I often think about whether she misses me at all - or whether it is possible to just shelf a massive part of your adult life that is full of memories and not ever look back - regardless of your state of mind. I suppose I would just like to know what the secret is to being able to do that so that I could do it too!! But then again, I would rather live with this feeling and knowing that I did my best and tried my damnedest, as opposed to taking the cowards way out and running! Everyone makes mistakes and I think everyone deserves a 2nd chance...but you have to face your demons first I think?? Anyone agree?
Author Hurtslikehell Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 Ok, another day down and halfway through this day! Your mind doesn't half like to torment you when you are going through this! First thing I woke up thinking this morning was that it is exactly 3 months to the day since me and bee last kissed as a seemingly loving couple!! Totally hit me out of the blue when I noticed the date on my phone! I've tried to keep busy and got a lot on this weekend - hoping that a few days of company and being out doing different things will help me build up some strength and momentum? Feels strange and still very empty, but was with a group of mates last night and they can see me improving - they told me it was good that I'm getting back to my old self again a bit at a time! Was busy last night but still got word on how bee has been doing - seriously, news always seems to find me without asking and I've been off Facebook for a month now so I'm not keeping tabs! It just seems to reach me but I'm trying to resist feeling sorry for her - she knows where I am and clearly doesn't care! But I'm not chasing and I have nothing more to say to her so contacting her is no longer a problem, I'm resigned to never getting the truthful answers I thought I needed. I'm just focussing on keeping busy and if I feel myself looking back again I just tell myself she misses me and doesn't know what she has given up, and she will be very sorry someday! I now understand the need to not act out of desperation as it just increases the pain! Who knows, we may have said our last words to each other? That's a sad thought when I read it back but I'm content that I know if we have, then it's at her insistence, not mine! I dunno if this is similar to anyone else's experiences but I'm hoping I'm getting on the right lines here? 4 days n/c!
Chi townD Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Yep! Time to move on dude. I mean, she went away for a week with some other guy and was probably going at it like rabbits. Do you honestly think that you enter her mind at all during that trip? That would be a big NO! You are not second choice and you are not someone consolation prize. Time to understand your self worth and your self respect. It sounds like you're doing all of the right things. Keep on making positive chances in your life and keep on with NC. It gets better. Dude, she let you go a long time ago. It's about time you started doing the same.
Jenny1234 Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 This sounds like a big mess! You need TIME! First off don't beat yourself up about anything you have done or feel.... We are all human here. As much as it seems like her life is amazing and you feel like you are in the dumps..., don't focus on that crap. Everyone has ups and downs including her... She will get hers someday but you may never know but just trust that it will happen. Just try to remove yourself and your head from this all. It's exhausting and time consuming. You need to let go and whatever happens happens... Let nature and time run its course. I'm 3 months out too and feel similar to you. Some days are fine and others are horrible. Stay strong and get back in control of yourself ! 1
Author Hurtslikehell Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 So sorry to hear that Jenny, you are right - some days you feel empowered, and then the next you feel guilty for actually feeling a bit happy? TIME is a pain in the a$$ though because although I cannot deny I'm much better now to when it all happened, it still feels like its taking too long! It is exhausting and very painful! As I say, it just feels so unjust!! I know she hasn't given me much thought when she did what she did but we are all human, we all make mistakes, and I think we all deserve another chance...but she should have been begging for another chance before now and she's not - that's hard to accept! But I'm still on n/c, have had a great weekend so far with family and friends, my luck is completely non-existent just now and like someone said earlier, my self esteem is zero! But I'm getting better and I can feel things changing for the better - a lot of reflecting and a lot of thinking! But the fact I still want her back hasn't changed! But the chasing and pining and acting out of desperation and neediness and clingyness is gone! And I know now what went wrong and I will never be so dependent on someone again!! Will keep posting in here but thanks so much thus far!! And hang in there Jenny, they don't know what they have given up pal...yet!!
xpaperxcutx Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 You need to stop showing her you're hurt from this. She's selfish and just watching you wallow in your own misery isn't going to make her want to jump up and run back to you. Honestly, would you even want her? Whether you want to convince yourself or not, those 7 years are gone. Despite the good memories, her recent actions are enough to erase them. So find yourself a support system and get back out there. Try to rebuild your self-confidence and find your independence again. You're going to have to gradually let her go, because you don't want to spent the next half of your life pining for her. I always advocate people in breakups to join a gym. Working out will not only help you lose weight but it helps release endorphins in your body to make you feel happier. Remember your challenge isn't to get her back, she will have to do that on her own. Your goal is learning to rebuild your life, find yourself and be all that you can be. 1
Author Hurtslikehell Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 Good shout paper cut - but she can't see me wallowing or pining! I've vanished from her at this time so whether I wallow or not its nothing to do with her? I understand your opinion and outlook but I have my own ideas about it all too - we shall see! Meantime though I've got a few goals set to keep me occupied and great support! Thanks for caring enough to take time and post! Really appreciate it!
Author Hurtslikehell Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 Already on no contact, Falls. I've nothing to say to her at this point anyway! It's just taken me a while to disengage but sometimes you just have to accept what you can't control! Again, the overriding feeling I have just now is one of INJUSTICE! Because Bee and I both know I didn't deserve this! But still, concentrate on my goals and see where it takes me/us! Still gonna keep this going though because, like Jenny said, the positive feeling sometimes escapes you!
daftpunk Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 :shrug: It sounds like you met your fate on the road you took to avoid it. I made a similar mistake. Love... What a useless annoyance. Personally, I'd rather feel nothing at all than feel compelled to reduce myself to such a primitive state ever again.
Author Hurtslikehell Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 I don't really know what you mean punk? I prob have met my fate but am still throwing myself under the bus again and again!! I agree with you though to an extent, why do we have to go through this? But at the same time, I'd forget all this pain and hurt in an instant if she came to her senses and wanted to try again! Today has been a pretty low day, which was expected I suppose coz yesterday was pretty good for me!
daftpunk Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 I don't really know what you mean punk? I prob have net my fate but am still throwing myself under the bus!! I agree with you though to an extent, why do we have to go through this? But at the same time, I'd forget all this pain and hurt in an instant if she came to her senses and wanted to try again! Today has been a pretty low day, which was expected I suppose coz yesterday was pretty good for me! It's just a saying. You don't have to take it literally if you don't want to; it means as much or as little as you want it to. The more you struggle and the tighter you try to hold on to her, the faster she'll slip through your fingers. If you want her back, you need to give it time. I won't lie, it could be a year or more before you have your shot. You BOTH need to heal fully. She needs time to forget all of the things she didn't like about the relationship, and you need time to return to the state of mind that she fell of love with in the first place. Suffice it to say, you haven't been that man recently. Just yesterday one of my older ex's from several years ago, whom I've been in light contact with for awhile now, contacted me wanting to reconcile. I turned her down flat. A few weeks after our breakup, I would have given anything to have her back. I mean anything. When she asked about it yesterday, all I could think was "I really wouldn't care if this girl died in a ditch somewhere." I don't wish her any ill-will. I just don't care about her anymore. You'll probably have a chance at reconciliation if you give things time. But when you get that chance, you might be surprised at how much your perspective has changed.
Author Hurtslikehell Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 Totally get you on that my friend, I can feel the change of perspective already happening, I feel emotionally tougher now, like I know how I can avoid ever being in this position again - I'm just struggling to get out if this position at the moment! But if someone told me 2 weeks ago there was prob a chance of reconciliation I would have been doing cartwheels! Now I feel skeptical? I'm getting better, but hate these wee slips that feel like I'm stepping back from time to time! Still, accomplished 1 week n/c with ease and have re-activated my Facebook account and made myself busy this week with things to do and ppl to meet! Thanks for helping everyone, ill keep writing and look forward to hearing more about what you all think! This does give my healing a boost, so thank you all again!
Author Hurtslikehell Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 Ok so have spent my lunch break looking for advice and stories of how ppl cope with this and if there is something that can really help just give you a break from all this hurt!! I know... Googling the very thing you are trying to forget isn't going to get me far!! But wow, how many ppl are willing to take your money for "scientifically proven" techniques to get your ex back?!? Not even tempted by these snake oil salesmen but they certainly do have a market for the vulnerable...even spell casters?! But more realistic are the truthful stories from forums like this one! however, they seem to be pretty pessimistic based on what I am hoping for and advice seems to be very much the same as on this thread...it's over, they never come back, if they do its temporary, the relationship is gone...MOVE ON! It makes me wonder, does writing/reading/talking about it do any good?? Sure I feel better for a little while but then I want to talk again! I'm conscious not to pin my hopes on success stories as there don't seem to be many out there... But I'm now stuck in another cycle I think and my mood is going low again. Still, not interested in making contact, nothing new to add there (although again I hear bee is feeling depressed and guilty... But that could genuinely be over anything so I refuse to fall back I to that hole!) but while I feel stronger, it's still all-consuming and it's really starting to bug me! Can anyone throw some light my way? 8th day of N/C though and it's not as hard as I feared!!
Author Hurtslikehell Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 Day 10 of n/c and doing ok but missing bee a bit today! Despite me asking her to redirect mail and asking her mother twice to remind her, she still gets more mail here than me - and it's been 3 months now! So that's got me a bit bummed but I don't see it as a reason to break my streak! Other than that, my luck is running pretty low right now but there are still some things to look forward to so I'm not too despondent. I have gone back on Facebook and I commented on a friends status and she commented straight after with some witty remark. Decided to withdraw my comment and remove myself from the firing line. Someone earlier said I should let her feel my lack of presence...should I be avoiding Facebook again? It's hard when we have so many joint pals?
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