rastamoose Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Before I sound like I never liked me ex, let me just say this...We got on very well and we never once really argued. She was very sweet,caring and pretty and she was brought up really well. I am good at blocking out emotions, just afraid it's not doing any good long term. So I spend 1 hour each day, where I can think about her and feel sorry for myself. It is usually the mornings, because I feel my worst then. A few times I have started a NC without her knowing. I have bumped into her a few times during it though. When I see her in person, I feel much better about everything. I look at her and I am reassured that it's not all so bad. When I go without seeing her for a while, I start to imagine her being better than she is. It feels like she is the greatest girl ever and I am never going to find anyone like her again. I think of her being the best looking girl ever. Why is it when I look back on memories they are only the good things? She never did anything bad to me really, so I don't have bad memories. Some days were your average standard day, why can't I think of those instead. I seem to paint a much better picture of her and the relationship in my mind. Seeing her brings me back down to reality and makes me feel much better. Why is my mind against me? I feel like I am slightly mad. Does my mind want me to be unhappy? If I keep up the NC will this go away? Will I start to forget her and all the good things I keep thinking? Please, someone tell me they have this too! Thanks
theonlyjuan Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I have done the same, I think that's normal. It's the same when people go NC and think their ex is out having the best time of their life. They imagine they are having the best sex ever etc Truth is they usually aren't up to much and not that happy themselves. Try to keep the last image you have of her in your head. Don't let it become distorted and turned into better than she is. I did the same thing recently until I saw her I was like " Wow she isn't all that " Not that she is ugly, she's pretty but I was making out to be something out of this world Would be nice if our minds were on our side though 1
JDPT Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I've been feeling like you lately, my ex came from a good family, she was a good girl, never did to my understanding anything malicious to intentionally hurt me in any way. And our fights weren't really "fights" they were merely missunderstandings that we later talked through. I have not seen her in roughly 3 months and ponder what she is up to and the fact the she looks stunning does not help at all thinking she is perhaps seeing someone already or having casual encounters. The uncertainty kills, I always think, where the hell am I going to find a woman like her educated, beautiful and above all so kind hearted. It's as if we go through life blindfolded ever since our break ups and the uncertainty and pain makes it all worse.
daftpunk Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 "Average" things are rarely committed to memory. You have to accept that you are just a machine, of sorts. You can't beat your programming. For better or worse, nothing is infinite; your memories, good and bad, will fade to nothingness with time. 2
aloneinaz Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I'm assuming she left you. That in itself is a pretty negative thing to dwell on. Rejection sucks, doesn't feel good and has to be sorted out. At some point, you'll reach the "screw you" stage and move on to telling yourself "you don't want me, there's plenty that do".. Put your ex in perspective.. There's always better looking, more educated, better in bed, etc.. I remember someone sharing with me that for every great looking girl out there, someones tired of having sex with her.. True fact.
todreaminblue Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I think its inherent in humanity to want to see good in people,to keep good memories more so than bad ones, thats how we move on discard the bad......well i do anyway.... i have years of fond memories with my ex, his gentleness, his protectiveness the way he would listen to my dreams and hopes with a smile on his face, the way he knew me like no one else did because i allowed him too,the way he would make love to me,he made me feel beautiful even if he never said it, but, the break up was truly horrible he had an affair and we broke up,and i know it needed to happen, didnt want it to , but he couldnt remain faithful people break up for a reason, it might be obvious like mine or it might not be so obvious like yours......its an initiation of change and we can take notice or choose to ignore.......that is a choice....you need to shelve the memories no matter how good they are and move on.......revisit them maybe when you can be more objective and not so emotionally tethered to what was .......good luck...its hard.....i wish you well....deb 1
JDPT Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I think its inherent in humanity to want to see good in people,to keep good memories more so than bad ones, thats how we move on discard the bad......well i do anyway.... i have years of fond memories with my ex, his gentleness, his protectiveness the way he would listen to my dreams and hopes with a smile on his face, the way he knew me like no one else did because i allowed him too,the way he would make love to me,he made me feel beautiful even if he never said it, but, the break up was truly horrible he had an affair and we broke up,and i know it needed to happen, didnt want it to , but he couldnt remain faithful people break up for a reason, it might be obvious like mine or it might not be so obvious like yours......its an initiation of change and we can take notice or choose to ignore.......that is a choice....you need to shelve the memories no matter how good they are and move on.......revisit them maybe when you can be more objective and not so emotionally tethered to what was .......good luck...its hard.....i wish you well....deb I really like this response, so much food for thought, thank you for sharing. 1
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