defs Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Heya, so this year I started developing feelings for my best 'girl' friend who I confessed to and started going out. It was all good but then we had a mutual break up and really I meant it 100% when I said that I would like to be friends. My question is, do you guys think I can still be friends with who was my best 'girl' friend? I know she is now my ex but do you guys think I can be friends with her again?
Emilia Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Sure. I have some level of contact pretty much with all the exes where we meant something for each other. Whether 'friends' as such that's a different matter, I'd say I'm close to that with two. I have either regular contact, light contact or no contact with exes but I have no animosity or anything like that with any of them. We sort of fixed any closure issues over the years. Might not be a smooth sailing at first though.
Author defs Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 Sure. I have some level of contact pretty much with all the exes where we meant something for each other. Whether 'friends' as such that's a different matter, I'd say I'm close to that with two. I have either regular contact, light contact or no contact with exes but I have no animosity or anything like that with any of them. We sort of fixed any closure issues over the years. Might not be a smooth sailing at first though. I don't regret having developed a further relationship with her however I would like (if possible) to go back to the way things were which I agree would be kind of hard to do.. but we really didn't break up on bad terms. What do you think?
Emilia Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I don't regret having developed a further relationship with her however I would like (if possible) to go back to the way things were which I agree would be kind of hard to do.. but we really didn't break up on bad terms. What do you think? I don't think you can go back to how things were. You might be able to develop something new and different but it won't be how it was.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I don't regret having developed a further relationship with her however I would like (if possible) to go back to the way things were which I agree would be kind of hard to do.. but we really didn't break up on bad terms. What do you think? You may not be able to go back to exactly the way things were. At least not right away. One thing, there is a different thread where someone discussed this. When you (or she) has a new relationship, your close friendship with your X will be a difficult thing to trust.
Author defs Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 I don't think you can go back to how things were. You might be able to develop something new and different but it won't be how it was. I suppose there will always be lingering feelings that stop us from being that close again. Thanks anyway, will try to restore or make something new! You may not be able to go back to exactly the way things were. At least not right away. One thing, there is a different thread where someone discussed this. When you (or she) has a new relationship, your close friendship with your X will be a difficult thing to trust. Hm what do you mean by that? Do you mean our friendship in the eyes of the new bf?
Emilia Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I suppose there will always be lingering feelings that stop us from being that close again. Thanks anyway, will try to restore or make something new! It's not necessarily lingering feelings - if you have those you are not friends! It's more that the way you relate to each other has changed. I assume you saw each other naked.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Hm what do you mean by that? Do you mean our friendship in the eyes of the new bf? There have been several threads on LS that I have read where the new GF or BF have a hard time dealing with having the X around and especially the "friendship." Sometimes it's because they are cheating with X and sometimes it's just the emotional closeness. It's one thing to know your boyfriend had other girlfriends but its another thing to sit across the table from them all the time. That's hard. I think the biggest risk to a new relationship is that you may be putting your emotional energy into your relationship with the X and not into any GF relationship. So be aware and make sure you are prioritizing. I believe you can be friends with X, but I also believe that true lasting relationships (marriage) your spouse needs to be your best friend. 1
Author defs Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 You may not be able to go back to exactly the way things were. At least not right away. One thing, there is a different thread where someone discussed this. When you (or she) has a new relationship, your close friendship with your X will be a difficult thing to trust. There have been several threads on LS that I have read where the new GF or BF have a hard time dealing with having the X around and especially the "friendship." Sometimes it's because they are cheating with X and sometimes it's just the emotional closeness. It's one thing to know your boyfriend had other girlfriends but its another thing to sit across the table from them all the time. That's hard. I think the biggest risk to a new relationship is that you may be putting your emotional energy into your relationship with the X and not into any GF relationship. So be aware and make sure you are prioritizing. I believe you can be friends with X, but I also believe that true lasting relationships (marriage) your spouse needs to be your best friend. .. I am craving conversation with her.. do I truly want to be friends again or are these just lingering feelings from the break-up?
Emilia Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 .. I am craving conversation with her.. do I truly want to be friends again or are these just lingering feelings from the break-up? It could be either. Probably depends on whether you are craving sex with her as well or not.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Ah, see that's the rub. You said breakup was mutual but no details, so at this point, you want to be with her. Friendship is a way to do that. I would need more info to advise further. 1
Author defs Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 Ah, see that's the rub. You said breakup was mutual but no details, so at this point, you want to be with her. Friendship is a way to do that. I would need more info to advise further. It really was a mutual break up. It's a long story but we said it would be better to go back to being 'friends' and yeah. It really wasn't because of a fight or anything like that
hippetyhop Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I believe you can be. I am friends with one of my exes. It certainly didn't happen overnight. After about 8 months of NC, he contacted me through a friend and I had to give it a lot of consideration. At the end of the day, I'm glad he is in my life. I did let him know my boundaries and that there will be nothing physical. 1
theonlyjuan Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Yeah I think so, but not for a while. My ex and I have agreed to be friends, and she said she would be sad if we couldn't. I have spoke to her properly once in person, and it was ok. Have not spoken for a week though. If there are still feels involved, you will feel like crap. Get over her completely, then you will be able to be friends ( If future partners of both of you let that happen ) I am not going to make a move to be proper friends until I am 100% over her. I speak to my ex ex quite a bit now, I am 100% over her and it is easy. 2
KansasChica Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Yeah, I'd say you both have to be 100% over each other.. and even then, it's not a complete friendship. I'd say I'm pretty much over my ex: there are still some feelings there, but I know he's not the right person for me. The reason? Almost two years after HE broke up with me, he still brings up the things I did wrong in the relationship. And even, down the road, when we do reach a point where we both completely over each other, I would never call him up like a regular friend and ask him to go to a movie or vent about my day. I think you can be friendly with an ex, but never friends. There is too much history, but that's just my experience.
AllTooWell Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I'm actually really good friends with one ex. My exboyfriends best friend's other best friend (lol..) Let me try that again My ex's best friend B is best friends with R. B & R dated 4 years ago and R was actually pregnant but miscarried. They had a HORRIBLE break up. The worst I have ever seen or even heard of (and really disgusting things were said and done by both parties). They dropped out of eachothers lived and reconnected a year later (I think that had only dated for around 6 months) they tried to reconcile and date again, but it quickly failed for the original reason (I'm talking after a few days they were both like "what the **** are we doing" and laughed, ended things, and though it may have been awkward at first, they have remained really good friends since. They both live on opposites sides of the country now and skype all the time, text, and hang out when they're in the same place. Do I really believe their friendship is as it seems? Not even a bit. I think she still has feelings for him and has hidden them in the hopes that their friendship will eventually develop into something further. So yeah, it's possible, but I don't think it's "natural" really. I think you guys need to have no contact until you're absolutely over one another. I think that even then, depending on the nature, you may not ever be able to be friends. I doubt that me and my recent ex will be able to simply because there was too much sexual chemistry and we would end up hooking up. 1
daftpunk Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Can you try? Sure. Should you? Weigh your options, only you can know if it's worth it.
ddspike21 Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Ive found that i can only become friends with an ex once im in a new relationship.
JDPT Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Being friends with an ex is a little far fetched for me. I highly believe that I just wouldn't be able to be friends with an ex.
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