David_Marsh Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Hi, The other day I met a girl from online for the first time. We had been messaging each other for 6-8 weeks and spoke twice on the phone. We where getting along well and had nice conversations when we spoke on the phone. However, our date went badly. It only lasted 35 mins and she made an excuse to leave. The main problem was that I'm quite shy generally when I meet someone new and in this case when I saw her I really fancied her and it made me more shy. I was talking but I was quite edgy and lacked composure and I think she got frustrated hence the excuse to leave. Later in the evening I text her to tell her the truth. That I fancied her and this made me shy hence the way I was on the night. I've not heard from her since our date and it's been two days now. I guess there's not much I can do but I'm upset. I was offended that she made an excuse to leave during the date. After spending 6 weeks getting to know someone, I think I deserved more than 40 mins on a first date. But I gave her benefit of doubt and sent her an honest message after. I hoped she could have at least replied back even to tell me she did not want to see me again. I'm tempted in sending her one more message but I'm probably going to look like a fool. One of my friends says that even if I was not at my best during the night she should have given me more of a chance especially after my honest message to her and that she she's not worth it. I don't know Any advice? David
Gingerlee Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 She didn't reply to your first message, what makes you think she's going to reply to this one? I would just leave it, she's obviously made her mind up. Use this experience as a lesson and move on! xxx
StayBeautiful Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I'd definitely look into getting some help with this. Whilst women don't want an arrogant jerk, crippling shyness can result in your date feeling uncomfortable, self-conscious, as if you're uninterested and as if she has to do all the work. I've experienced dates and even short relationships like that, and whilst I definitely prefer shyness in a man over arrogance, it all became too much effort ultimately. As such, I'm now a bit leery of meeting men who describe themselves as shy or reserved. If you can learn how to project confidence and interest, you'll never have to have another date like that. Fake it till you make it.
phineas Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I'm not shy, but I'm also not aggressive with women I just met. I don't try to screw them on the first date & a lot of women take this as rejection despite you asking them out again. Whatever. OP, 6 to 8 weeks is WAY too long before a meet. It creates false expectations & is way too much an investment in time & emotional energy for a stranger. Shoot for faster meets & be upfront that you can be shy around new people. You really have nothing to loose by telling them vs. showing up and being awkward. 2
onlyjs Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 You can't be that shy and want to date. Your shyness makes others feel awkward, I don't blame her for leaving. When you are getting to know someone, you have put your best foot forward, not your awkward one. Six weeks is WAY too long to go back/forth without meeting.
Author David_Marsh Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 Thanks for the comments. In the past my shyness has worked to my benefit but I'm learning when meeting strangers online it's going to be an issue more than a positive. I was considering telling her prior to the date that I can be shy like this. But I was worried this would make me look less manly and might put her off. When I say 6-8 weeks I'm including the messages we sent on the site. Where there was often 3-4 day gaps inbetween. I think it was about 4 weeks we where texting and speaking on the phone. She didnt give at first and I thought she would say no if I asked her out too soon so delayed it for a while. I thought she was rude by leaving like that but I guess as most of you are saying, if someone is that shy even 40 minutes can be too long so I guess I'm at fault and not her. This was my 3rd date from online. My shyness was not a problem in previou two. I guess because I didnt fancy them when I saw them I relaxed as I wasnt too bothered of the outcome whereas this one was the opposite.
Geiss Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 So women don't understand that sometimes a guy needs some time to open up as do women that are shy as well. However, the shy girl can get the guy where the shy guy can't get the girl unless he pretends to be someone who he isn't. I don't get why women would rather you lie to them about who you are. And it's easier said then done.
MrTurk Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 (edited) I don't try to screw them on the first date & a lot of women take this as rejection despite you asking them out again. Agree 110%. I have had multiple women tell me. . . . -"You showed no interest" -I ask "What is showing interest?" -They reply "You didnt even touch my hand, or my arm or make any kind of move" Just sitting there "getting to know a woman"(like women say they want) is never good enough. Because you arent allowed to just tell her "I like you". Women are so brainwashed into thinking that a guy has to do something to show interest. I know not all women are like that....but way too many are. Many women are flattered and attracted to a guy that does make a move on them. It sends the signal that he likes what he sees, and isnt afraid to go after it. Women feel wanted...and thats the whole key. Edited July 17, 2013 by MrTurk 1
GravityMan Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 (edited) Dating and severe shyness don't mix, especially for guys. It's that simple. Dating is usually highly social. Good relationships, even among introverts, usually include frequent verbal and non-verbal communication. Women generally want to feel comfortable in a guy's presence, and the guy being uptight, shy and/or socially awkward is a barrier and a detriment to that. It's not necessary to become a chatterbox or aggressive, but it's a good idea to make it a priority in your life to become less shy and more self-confident. It won't happen overnight; it'll take awhile. It may be difficult, depending on your temperament (which is set at a very young age). Becoming less shy or eliminating it altogether will greatly benefit you in many aspects of your personal and professional life. Edit: And next time, it's probably a good idea not to wait 6-8 weeks before meeting face-to-face. Edited July 18, 2013 by GravityMan added some stuff 1
hppr Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Don't take so long to meet someone. That six weeks you spent getting to know one another you used up all your talking points and easy conversation starters. A week of talking at the MOST. 1st date should be FUN. Something that is an activity, preferably one you're good at. Bowling, go to the driving range and hit some golf balls, that way you can talk but still do something other than just blah blah, how are you, yadda yadda.
hppr Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Just sitting there "getting to know a woman"(like women say they want) is never good enough. Because you arent allowed to just tell her "I like you". Women are so brainwashed into thinking that a guy has to do something to show interest. I know not all women are like that....but way too many are. Just part of the game man. Women will bemoan the guys who try to take em on the first date etc but most of the time they far prefer that sort of behavior to a man who is a gentleman.
PCS991 Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 I told the girl I'm seeing that I'm shy right up front, her response..."I like that..." Just be honest and put it out there day one. Usually the girl appreciates it and even seem to like it, at least in my case. Good luck.
Southern Cal Dude Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Agree 110%. I have had multiple women tell me. . . . -"You showed no interest" -I ask "What is showing interest?" -They reply "You didnt even touch my hand, or my arm or make any kind of move" Kind of like the move they made? This is why I don't date shy and sexually reserved women.
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