colgirl Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 So I've already talked about my situation on another thread, but basically my husband finally left 2 weeks ago after him becoming increasingly depressed because he wants a child and I am no longer able to have one due to medical problems. Anyway after reading about NC on this forum I have been putting that into practice. I've even switched off my phone just so I can't keep checking to see if he's texted/phoned (and then get disappointed when I find he hasn't). I really wanted to see him at his parents house but decided not to as I know it would set me back emotionally leaving me a wreck again. So although I'm still very saddened and not yet 'myself', I'm finding that the NC is working. I'ts not always easy as at times I feel like I just want to crumble and pick up the phone or go to see him, but I know I won't start to heal if I weaken and do that. This forum is brilliant - it gives great support and it definitely helps knowing that other people are going through the same kind of thing and that I'm not alone.... 9
Appleness Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Dear colgirl, Yes, this forum is absolutely brilliant. I have used it myself to get out of a really bad place too. I'm so sorry that I are going through such a hard time. I think it's hard enough having to deal with your own medical issue, but to have to compound that with your husband leaving is definitely tough. You're doing the right thing. Keep NC to help you hold on to what little control you have over the situation. When I went through my tough times, I said the serenity prayer every day (even though I'm not religious): God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference. I wish you all the best! 2
Exitleft Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Hey colgirl, Very similar situation here, two weeks in also. NC has worked wonders in my healing, I have experienced a bump or two but it gets better. Hang tight. Update your thread whenever you feel the need to reach out or speak to someone. Wishing you the best 3
hayewils Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Dear colgirl, Yes, this forum is absolutely brilliant. I have used it myself to get out of a really bad place too. I'm so sorry that I are going through such a hard time. I think it's hard enough having to deal with your own medical issue, but to have to compound that with your husband leaving is definitely tough. You're doing the right thing. Keep NC to help you hold on to what little control you have over the situation. When I went through my tough times, I said the serenity prayer every day (even though I'm not religious): God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference. I wish you all the best! I'd like to add to that serenity prayer.. I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. 3
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 So I've already talked about my situation on another thread, but basically my husband finally left 2 weeks ago after him becoming increasingly depressed because he wants a child and I am no longer able to have one due to medical problems. Anyway after reading about NC on this forum I have been putting that into practice. I've even switched off my phone just so I can't keep checking to see if he's texted/phoned (and then get disappointed when I find he hasn't). I really wanted to see him at his parents house but decided not to as I know it would set me back emotionally leaving me a wreck again. So although I'm still very saddened and not yet 'myself', I'm finding that the NC is working. I'ts not always easy as at times I feel like I just want to crumble and pick up the phone or go to see him, but I know I won't start to heal if I weaken and do that. This forum is brilliant - it gives great support and it definitely helps knowing that other people are going through the same kind of thing and that I'm not alone.... <mom hugs> Next step is to think of something you always wanted to do. Ballroom dance, Pilates, bike riding, go to a museum, take a trip, whatever. And do it alone or with new friends. People who will not ask, because they will not know about your sitch. Keep up the NC! 2
Author colgirl Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 Thank you guys for all your above comments. I really need all this support right now and I'm so glad I've found it on here. 2
Exitleft Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 **hugs** we're here for you Hun, you've overcome so much in life already you will overcome this also! hope you feel ok today. 2
Author colgirl Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 Thanks! A few little sad moments today, that was because I was thinking about certain places (restaurants, the pool club near his parents) that we,ll never be going to again, and it gave me some sad pangs:(. When my thoughts start creeping that way I try to distract myself with something else. I guess the hard thing is that I never thought I'd ever be in this position. Thought I was set for life with my husband. I guess everyone thinks that too though. 2
Exitleft Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Thanks! A few little sad moments today, that was because I was thinking about certain places (restaurants, the pool club near his parents) that we,ll never be going to again, and it gave me some sad pangs:(. When my thoughts start creeping that way I try to distract myself with something else. I guess the hard thing is that I never thought I'd ever be in this position. Thought I was set for life with my husband. I guess everyone thinks that too though. it will come and go for some time but it won't last forever. You're right, no one marries thinking they will ever be without their spouse, while they are both alive and well that is. Hoping you're feeling stronger, is your son with you? You have some company at home?
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Col I am glad you are keeping NC. <mom hugs> Now you need to keep busy and work on staying healthy invest in yourself. <mom hugs> Slight change in topic...I also think you need to see a lawyer. I am not sure what the laws are across the pond, but you need to protect your finances and security. A pond fee yourself of someone so thoughtless. Since your dirtbag husband is cheating you need to move on. By the way I think he is the worst kind of dirtbag loser. He's a cheater. Just sayin. 1
kareneverylastname Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 you sound like a strong person a person who has a head on her shoulders So I've already talked about my situation on another thread, but basically my husband finally left 2 weeks ago after him becoming increasingly depressed because he wants a child and I am no longer able to have one due to medical problems. Anyway after reading about NC on this forum I have been putting that into practice. I've even switched off my phone just so I can't keep checking to see if he's texted/phoned (and then get disappointed when I find he hasn't). I really wanted to see him at his parents house but decided not to as I know it would set me back emotionally leaving me a wreck again. So although I'm still very saddened and not yet 'myself', I'm finding that the NC is working. I'ts not always easy as at times I feel like I just want to crumble and pick up the phone or go to see him, but I know I won't start to heal if I weaken and do that. This forum is brilliant - it gives great support and it definitely helps knowing that other people are going through the same kind of thing and that I'm not alone.... 1
Exitleft Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 How is everything with you colgirl? I hope you are alright. 1
Author colgirl Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 Hi Guys, thank you for your further comments. Just been up to London today to see my 16 year old son off on the train to see his Dad in Newcastle (not my husband). I had a few sad little moments, mainly thinking about my husband who works in London and gets off his train every morning at Liverpool Street which is where I got off and went back today too. I wondered if he was actually in the City today too and what would happen if I bumped into him, especially if it was with this girl he's supposed to be seeing. At that thought I started feeling all churned up/angry again, but then the feeling subsided and I'm ok again now:rolleyes: I know I have to stay focussed, and I intend to, but I guess these little thoughts will start to creep in if you give them houseroom! I've advised my friend to look at this site, as 8 months after her break up she's still texting her ex even though she knows he has someone else and he never replies back.
Yasuandio Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 BRAVO! Keep up the good work, Colgirl! Hon, I confess, I made the mistake, and "reached out" cause I got into a financial mess, and he never called back, of course. My head is totally screwed up again (and I am divorced!). I even had to start a thread myself today. Don't forget this ever, - even for an old-timer, Broken NC means Back 2 Day One! BRAVO, BRAVO, BRAVO, AGAIN 4 YOU! KISSES! Yas 1
desperategirl Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Hi, Nothing much more to add to what the other posters said, but just wanted to say NC basically got me through the worst. Really helped, stick at it, and the best of luck. It's a very tough thing to go through, you are not alone. 1
Author colgirl Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 BRAVO! Keep up the good work, Colgirl! Hon, I confess, I made the mistake, and "reached out" cause I got into a financial mess, and he never called back, of course. My head is totally screwed up again (and I am divorced!). I even had to start a thread myself today. Don't forget this ever, - even for an old-timer, Broken NC means Back 2 Day One! BRAVO, BRAVO, BRAVO, AGAIN 4 YOU! KISSES! Yas Thankyou! It is difficult to stay strong all the time, I know. None of us are robots, we're all human so please don't beat yourself up over it (If you are, that is). If it hadn't been for me coming on this site and reading about the value of NC I would have gone to see him and come away feeling an emotional wreck, that's for certain. It's sad that I even have to distance myself from his parents as of course that's a direct link to him and finding out what he's up to and therefore I might hear stuff that I don't want to! In the past I was the complete opposite - I'd have hung in there like a bad smell until no semblance of self respect would be left! I think I've finally learned my lesson:) I tell myself that if he really wanted me, he knows where I am, and that this is his decision, so why should I be grieving? These little mantras help to keep me strong. I hope your financial situation isn't too bad? Sending kind thoughts your way, hope things resolve themselves for you:bunny: 1
Exitleft Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Thanks for the update. You seem as though you are in a good place, I am pleased for you. I relate to what you are saying. You're at week 3 or so now? Keep pushing through, it gets very uncomfortable at times but it's the best course of action. Hope you're well 1
Author colgirl Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 I love this!! What a good perspective you have Keep it up mamma! Your doing fantastic. I'm proud of you!! Thanks:) Well I have to keep telling myself these things in order to 'keep my cool'. I used to be the kind of person that never let go and it never got me anywhere - you can't beg, plead or force someone to come back to you. So now for my own sanity I have decided not to go and see him, and end up having a row or breaking down in tears. I have been taking note of all those self help books I have been studying all these years and of course taking heed of the advice of this site. That's not to say that it is easy -so much of the daily routine of my life has not gone or changed and that saddens me deeply - I often wonder whether he remembers the same things that I do, the films we used to watch every saturday night, the pub we used to go to for a meal out, the dinners I used to cook - it's little stuff like that that makes me feel sad... What does hurt is thinking of him with someone else - she'll end up going back to his parents' place for dinner just like I used to and never will again, that's something that I do struggle with.
zoobadger Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 We have two kids so total no contact is impossible. But I can tell you that interacting with her definitely sets back the process of healing and moving on. She'll either say or do something hurtful, or merely seeing her and hearing her voice re-stokes my sense of loss and failure (with a little humiliation stirred in). For example, she had let her appearance go during the last few years of our marriage. Now, she's got a fashionable new wardrobe, has lost some weight, wears a little makeup, etc. Ugh. Just telling you that is demoralizing, lol. I'd be doing total NC if I could.
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