wordgirl Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Okay, this is a long story, so bear with me.... There's this guy, who I've been casually friends with for years. Over the last several months, we've been talking more and getting closer. When my ex and I split, he asked me about seeing a movie because I was at loose ends with my kids being gone. We went, nothing happened -- we just had a good time. So the following weekend, he said something about if I wanted to go out again, and then we grabbed food, drinks, and then another movie, and this time he kissed me (He also met me at the door to my building, opened car doors, paid for everything). Went out later that week for food, then made out for a few minutes. Then he was really distant, cancelled our next plans, and we made plans the following weekend. When we went out that night, he was back to meeting me at the car, not opening the door, didn't make a move all night... so I asked him what was up. He said he was anti-relationship right now (he's been REALLY burned in the past, several times) and that we were just going to be friends. I offered FWB, which he said he was uncomfortable with because I was still legally married. The next night he texted because he got dumped by this other girl he'd been seeing. He came over, and then asked about the FWB offer. Went from light making out to heavy fooling around. He didn't want any of our mutual friends to know anything was going on (which I sorta get, because FWB isn't something you generally announce). Later that week, we hung out again, just friends. That weekend, we were at the same party, where he ignored me until I started talking to another guy. Next day, he texted, saying that I'd looked really cute and that he had really wanted to sneak me away. So we went out, then fooled around. Following weekend, another party, but this time he was asking for hugs, whispering in my ear, he pulled me onto his lap at one point when we were alone in a room, we snuck off together for awhile, we slept snuggled up on the floor... so yeah, everyone knew. Following that we had a fight, made up, and got together to fool around and for dinner. We got together with a good friend for a game night (nothing physical), then hooked up on Friday and again on Sunday. On Friday we watched TV after, Sunday we went to a movie. Anytime we're alone together, we're snuggling or something. We talk most days. He got me a pair of headphones in response to a funny story about my clumsiness. But he told me that we were just friends, and then it was implied that we were FWB. That was about a month ago. I don't want to bring it up again because I don't want him to think I NEED something more. But it really seems more like dating to me. Also, I should add... I'm the least observant person on earth, with no real grasp on reading a guy's interest level.
2sunny Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 It's FWB and he's using you. But more importantly - you are allowing it. You should require more for yourself. Your kids should be your primary focus.
quiet Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Believe what the guy is telling you. if he says its nothing serious- its nothing serious. We allow our hopes to blind us to what is really going on. 1
veggirl Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Lol wtf why did you offer fwb if you "need" more? He's not gonna date you, ever. He's also not using you....you offered yourself to him no strings attached. Why did you do that btw? I don't get why you're confused. He's been straight up about what he wants 2
Perrier Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I don't understand why you offered FWB and expected it to grow into more. FWB almost always ends badly for women (from what I read). How old are you guys anyway? It sounds like you're getting too embroiled in this. Do you know what you want? 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 You offered him sex with no strings attached. He took you up on your offer. If your feelings have changed, you need to stop the FWB arrangement. Unfortunately, you set yourself up for this. You can prevent any further confusion or pain by walking away from it. Be honest and tell him it isn't working for you anymore. 1
New User Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 It's FWB and he's using you. But more importantly - you are allowing it. You should require more for yourself. Your kids should be your primary focus. He isn't using her any more than she's using him. This is not a case where she's the victim of someone who lied to her to get in her pants.
Author wordgirl Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 No, I don't want more -- I like having all my options open right now. I just want to make sure that HE'S not thinking it's more. We're really good friends, and I don't want to hurt him. (He's a relationship guy by nature.) As for my kids being my primary focus, we only see each other on days that my ex has the kids -- we have joint custody, so I only have them half the time.
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