femaletroubles Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 So I went out the other day with this pretty girl, we had a nice time, not the world's greatest date but it went well. We sat and talked until the place almost closed. It was a dinner first date. walked her to the car, i gave her a hug, leaned in and she "cheeked" me. I thought ok w/e and gave her another hug and said have a nice night (aka move on) She texts me a few minutes after leaving "I'm really sorry I didn't let you kiss me, I'm just not ready yet" I said it was cute, and i had a good time, are you interested in meeting again? So we have a date planned at the end of the week. I said drinks (to keep it a lighter date) She said she let's do dinner and wants to pay for it, and I told her I'd rather just enjoy her company. She said at least her half. **So is this an Obligatory 2nd date because I paid for the first date?? Cliff notes: went on date, she offered, men always pay leaned in, she cheeked me texts 2 min later she's sorry she didn't let me asked if she's interested, date set for 3 days after she wants to pay (I Only go out on dates with 1 girl at a time, so kinda trying to gauge interest...)
Author femaletroubles Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 I'm thinking of just asking her to make sure she doesn't feel obligated to go on another date just because I paid gut says bad idea??
ChessPieceFace Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 What the heck are you asking? If a woman would go out on a 2nd date with you out of some sense of obligation to even up the date payment score ??? The unjustified morality you ascribe to women is touching. You're aware there are women that "date" on craigslist just to get men to pay for their meals, right? What universe did you think you were living in? If she's spending one dime or one minute on you again, she's interested. 99% of women don't ever believe they owe men anything. 1
Author femaletroubles Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 haha see I never thought of dating off craigslist!! lol wow thanks, i guess I was just really surprised I got the cheek. First time ever actually, honestly I'm over-thinking this
Star Gazer Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 haha see I never thought of dating off craigslist!! lol wow thanks, i guess I was just really surprised I got the cheek. First time ever actually, honestly I'm over-thinking this Yes, you're over-thinking. I don't kiss on the first date unless it's planted on me without warning. 3
aussietigerwolf Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 This sounds perfect for an episode of Seinfeld lol yes, reminds me of geoge constanza sorry op but you're waaaay over thinking it.
Philosoraptor Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 No one feels obligated to have a second date. Some people even say at the end "we should definitely do this again!" and you never hear from them again. She's interested, but wants the relationship to be a bit more even. I'd say either let her pay for half, or be a little clever: pay and say "I'll let you get the next one".
BradJacobs Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Why in the world would you not let her pay? She offered. Let her do it.
sdraw108 Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I'm thinking of just asking her to make sure she doesn't feel obligated to go on another date just because I paid Do NOT ask her this! She will find it weird, and maybe even get offended. She asked you on a second date because she wants a second date. She offered to pay because she is one of those (somewhat rare) girls who doesn't believe "the man should pay for everything". Sounds like you've got yourself a catch, don't screw it up. 2
ChatroomHero Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I see what the OP is saying. It is odd when a woman offers to pay like that just discussing a potential date #2, the fact that it even came up for her to mention would indicate to me she wants to go out and not feel she owes him a kiss after (had he paid for date #2). It does sound a bit like a pre-emptive strike. I'll predict after date #2 if he goes, her communication will become short and sparse until she completes the fade. I hope the OP proves me wrong, but I think when women are interested they don't typically bring up paying for date #2 ahead of time. It's one thing to offer to pay when the check comes or if she had tickets to something and invited him, but in my experience if they offer to pay early on it is their way of getting out of the whole 'he shelled out a couple hundred bucks on two dates now I need to make out with him' feeling of obligation.
sdraw108 Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I'll predict after date #2 if he goes, her communication will become short and sparse until she completes the fade. Why on earth would a girl feel the need to go on a 2nd date to "complete a fade"? This makes no sense at all. If she wants to disappear, she would have simply disappeared. 1
MissBee Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I've never heard of an obligatory second date. Why would anyone do that? I wouldn't. When I go out with a man I don't want to see again, I don't see him again and certainly don't offer to pay for dinner! The fact that she texted you explaining the "cheeking" shows she probably is really interested and wanted you to know it was her not being ready and not a sign of rejection. I'd go on the date and see what happens. But personally, haven't heard of "obligatory second dates" so doubt this is the case. 2
ChatroomHero Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Why on earth would a girl feel the need to go on a 2nd date to "complete a fade"? This makes no sense at all. If she wants to disappear, she would have simply disappeared. Well that would make sense except it happens all the time. Just read LS. Every other thread is about a woman (or man) agreeing to a date and indicating explicit interest and then disappearing from the face of the earth. You do understand women all the time agree to date #2,3,4 and do the complete fade, right? You are right though, it doesn't make sense but it happens. The OP has a gut feeling and in dating gut feelings are almost never wrong. The OP is in the best position to determine her intentions and something tipped him off that all may not be right and I agree.
ChatroomHero Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I wholeheartedly agree. That's too much effort and expense on her part to schedule a 2nd date and pay for it if she simply wanted to fade away. Too much effort? Women will go to incredible lengths to save a guy's feelings and not have to openly reject him. They will respond to texts for weeks, take calls, agree to dates then come up with a lame excuse to bail instead of saying they are not interested. Then to avoid being too obvious will say, "we'll reschedule". Then they put in the effort over the next 3 weeks to come up with 21 excuses why every day is no good for them. All they have to do is say, "Not interested" and everything is over. If she did actually go on date #2 and not flake, than I am wrong. I am betting strongly on the flake. Either way I think she is feeling bad for not being interested and the way to resolve her guilt is another "i'm not ready to kiss" date in which she will not feel bad if she at least pays for herself. Like I said, the OP feels something is off, everyone here knows in dating that when you feel something is off it more than likely is.
Author femaletroubles Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 (edited) Thanks everyone, let's hope for the best. I do like this girl, she's quite sweet smart and pretty When I meet her I'm going to hug and give a peck on the cheek Now...at the end, I'm NOT going for ANOTHER kiss. I tried that, so time for her to show she is really really interested, and make the move Edited July 18, 2013 by femaletroubles
Author femaletroubles Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 So to update. 2nd date passionate kissing. Went on another date, we hooked up, went on a few more. Started "exclusive" dating (she brought it up, not me). Girl texts me a few days later cancelling plans. I responded, getting back together with an ex? denied, says she needs time She texts me days later, make plans for friday. She cancels a few hours later, admits she's seeing her ex again I text her she has my number, call me when she's done with him, and if I'm free then we'll go out Moving along...met some other amazing girls, we'll hope one of those is my match
crude Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Would it have killed you to let her pay for that 2nd date? What do you think would happen if she paid when it was her turn, would your testicles fall off? Would you be tossed out of the macho man union and not be allowed to go down with the ship?
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