4givrnt4gtr Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 So, unfortunately I am not exactly the healthiest individual, and not necessarily by choice. As long as I can remember Ive had a host of annoying health issues, specially stomach pains, etc. Some of which have sent me to the hospital but none seem extremely dangerous or bad. A few years ago I had my gallbladder give out on me and had surgery for it. This is probably the worse Ive had. Other than that, i tend to fall ill with infections, stomach pains, headaches, etc. Its a major nuisance for me, as its annoying to function when things hurt, and I try my best to avoid things that may make me sick but Im not always successful. So now, I am in this relationship with a guy I love dearly. He seems to feel the same and is very very supportive, specially when some random issue comes up and affects our relationship (ie. UTI that wont let us have sex etc). Recently, he had to take me to the ER with a severe stomach pain that turned out to be appendicitis. I am making my way out but I still get random pains and aches. Anyway, we were at my mom's on SUnday, and I saying that my head hurts (due to bump on the head earlier that day) and that I needed a painkiller. My mom told me in our native language that I need to stop letting my boyfriend know about my health issues, that Im going to scare him and he will leave me. Now...I got pissed. First of all.....what the hell. In this case, he caused the headache (accidentally bump me in the head). Second of all....is it EVER a good policy to hide anything from a boyfriend, who is thinking on marrying you? This was my point to her. If he is going to be with me, then he has all the right to know what he is getting into. All my life Ive had aches and pains, and doesn't look like its going to change any time soon. SO if he can't handle that, then by God, wouldn't it be better for us to know it BEFORE we get even more involved???? She is of the camp that a man, particularly a good man, must be retained by all means possible, even if its to your detriment. I, personally, am of the belief that I do not need a man by my side, no matter how good he is, if he is not able to accept me exactly how I am, without me having to pretend to be something I am not, including be healthier than I am. Am I wrong about this???
FitChick Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Some people can be quite boring always talking about their illnesses, aches and pains.
todreaminblue Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I thin if an illness is bad enough to effect the quality of your life, therefore able to impact on a partner's life with you, it needs to be shared pretty early on...i don't feel a random headache to be life effecting.......maybe constant migraines might be a concern...best wishes..deb
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I don't think that you are wrong, but I do know people that ALWAYS complain about aches and pains. I don't doubt that they genuinely feel them, it's just that - do you really need to broadcast every ache to the world? My brother is like that and it can get highly annoying. And it's also hard to know when he is seriously ill or when it's just the usual. I am the opposite. Unless I am about to collapse, I won't say anything. I am not saying that my way is good, just that there needs to be a balance of not over-sharing. I can tell you that my brother's girlfriend has confessed to me that she does find it annoying that aches and pains are what he talks about every day. Hell, even mum and dad find it annoying. 1
Eddie Edirol Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Your mom is wrong, you do need to disclose your illnesses to your bf, especially if he is thinking of marriage. 1
salparadise Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I am the opposite. Unless I am about to collapse, I won't say anything. I am not saying that my way is good, just that there needs to be a balance of not over-sharing. I had an aunt that constantly talked about her aches and pains, prescription meds, doctor appointments and all kinds of strange but simplistic theories as to what makes her feel better or worse (food, weather, moon, etc.). I remember promising myself that I would never do that, and would never become attached to someone who does. Never say never... Several years ago I dated a woman who, well let's just say it turned out she was a few fries short of a happy meal. She was attractive, highly intelligent, and a somatizer. She hid this from me for awhile, then once she figured I was hooked on the amazing sex (and it was) she rolled out the crazy little by little. Buying into it became a condition, so I went from merely sympathizing to actually playing a role. One part of her mind that knew it was imaginary, and another part needed to believe it was real, but those two parts didn't really talk to each other. Consciously she believed it, and indeed there was a connection and sensitivity between mind and body. Anyway, that's enough for this thread... I haven't decided whether this woman's story should be a book or movie. 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 4giv, try taking Vit D3 10 or 15 IUs a day. Will prob help with some of your health issues.
Emilia Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Anyway, we were at my mom's on SUnday, and I saying that my head hurts (due to bump on the head earlier that day) and that I needed a painkiller. My mom told me in our native language that I need to stop letting my boyfriend know about my health issues, that Im going to scare him and he will leave me. Now...I got pissed. First of all.....what the hell. In this case, he caused the headache (accidentally bump me in the head). Second of all....is it EVER a good policy to hide anything from a boyfriend, who is thinking on marrying you? This was my point to her. If he is going to be with me, then he has all the right to know what he is getting into. All my life Ive had aches and pains, and doesn't look like its going to change any time soon. SO if he can't handle that, then by God, wouldn't it be better for us to know it BEFORE we get even more involved???? She is of the camp that a man, particularly a good man, must be retained by all means possible, even if its to your detriment. I, personally, am of the belief that I do not need a man by my side, no matter how good he is, if he is not able to accept me exactly how I am, without me having to pretend to be something I am not, including be healthier than I am. Am I wrong about this??? Hm, there is much to be said for not being verbally incontinent. I think your mum feels you complain about your 'aches and pains' too often. Who takes painkillers for a bump on the head? Unless you were smashed face first into the windscreen when your boyfriend slammed on the breaks. Otherwise perhaps you could do with a little toughening up. This is what I'm taking away from this.
ForeverHopeful1 Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I personally believe you should tell him what you are dealing with. I do get it. I have dealt with a wide range of strange illnesses from febrile seizures as a child, to having a curvature in my spin causing me pain daily, to 3 years of being meditated for benign paroxismal positional vertigo accompanied by migraine headaches, to air outside my lungs, to a collapsed lung in 2011, and just this June, I was hospitalized with Severe pneumonia where I was intubated and placed in an induced coma for 5 days. I was in hospital for 2 weeks. I needed a blood transfusion. I was a mess and on really heavy drugs. I was not given great chances of surviving this after my past issues with my lungs. I lost 21 lbs but Im happy to report, in 3 weeks of being back to work, I'm 123lbs!!! I take great pride in taking care of myself and try not to bore people with silly illnesses. They don't care or don't believe you anyway. Unfortunately, you can't see pain, and most people are too ignorant to care what other people go through. I would tone down talking about it all the time if you do. Save your breath, BUT, make darn sure you BF knows about your ailments. My husband knew I had strange illnesses growing up. He married me and everything got worse. Im glad he knew before marrying me that I was usually dealing with pain, and strange and sometimes life threatening illnesses, but I do fear it is too heavy a burden sometimes. xoxoxoxo thinking of you.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted February 22, 2014 Author Posted February 22, 2014 Thank you so so much for responding to this. It truly puts things into perspective. You are right, those of you who said that perhaps what I share with my BF shouldn't be shared. Even the response who said I need to toughen up. I like the rule that unless is serious and need medical attention I probably should deal with it by myself. The issue with what happened that day when I had a headache was that we were playing, he picked me up and threw me on the couch. Unfortunately he miscalculated and when I landed my head hit the wooden arm rest, bounced and hit his front teeth (left a gash on my forehead shaped like his teeth lol). I nearly passed out and afterwards I had light and noise sensitivity and nausea for a day, plus a hoooorrrible headache, which is why I wanted a painkiller. Now my question is this. Sometimes I get random pains, usually stomach pains mostly because after the gallbladder surgery, digestion just has not been the same. I don't usually tell him about this random aches, but sometimes it hurts so bad I can't move for a bit. What should I say when he asks me whats wrong? Should I just say nothing? explain it away? pretend its something else? It never is serious, and it goes away eventually. Sometimes I get horrible side pain when I don't drink enough water. Last time it happened every time I moved it made me recoil into a fetal position. Unfortunately he was there with me, and though I tried to hide it, he saw it and got concerned. I told him it was nothing and explain I just didn't drink enough water. Hm...I guess this is the " i need to toughen up" comes in, so I don't show pain. Overall though, I guess I have been in the wrong. Maybe I do need to toughen up and not pay so much attention to every ache I get. Thanks for the wake up call!!!
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