BeholdtheMan Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 I have no idea what to do from here, I just know that I need to be with her. Any insight is welcome. Thank you!Two bits of advice 1. If she can cheat with you, she can cheat on you 2. I have a friend in a similar situation. If you're serious about getting serious with this chick, you have to give her a deadline. Don't let her play both sides for an extended time. It's either you or Jim. If she waffles and stalls, you walk. Make it clear that you're ending the relationship between you two unless she breaks up with Jim.
Arabella Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 There are millions of other women out there for you to choose from. Why not be a man and stop getting involved with this confused person? Seriously. Why not just do the right thing and leave her alone? To you, it's most likely about the thrill of the chase. You want her because you can't have her. Heck, you want her because your ego will get a boost from being chosen over another man. Even if she does leave her boyfriend... what do you think you're going to be getting? Let me tell you: A woman without sense of loyalty! Like somebody else said, if they cheat with you, they will cheat ON you. 2
KatZee Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Actually, I think this is how MOST new relationships develop. It's usually during the transitional period between relationships...kind of like when one monkey swings through the jungle, not letting go of the branch behind them until it's got a good grip on the branch in front of them. I would say this is how probably the majority of people go from one relationship to the next. And this is why most relationships don't work out, it's why divorce rate is so high, people think they can jump from person to person. One cannot successfully navigate a new relationship until the door to their past relationship is completely closed, and closure is obtained. Relationships that start like this are tainted from day one. 3
flitzanu Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Damn, This is the same way my ex gf left me. Some chump like you came a long and played half the role in her leaving (while the boy knew we were in a LTR). ****ed my long term investment up, as well as my kids life. I hope her BF catches you over their pad one night, and breaks your teeth out of your mouth, chump. There are millions of other women out there for you to choose from. Why not be a man and stop getting involved with this confused person? You cant, because you're weak, and have no self control. believig "some guy" made the decision and ruined your life isnt how you should be seeing it. your girl is capable of decisions and chose that path. you were in a relationship with only your girl, not with "some random guy". i wanted to blame other guys for my girls dating them for years...and guys want to blame me for stealing girls. you know what? they all made their own decisions. focus your anger at your ex, not some "chump" who likely had been lied to anyway about the relationship.
Salvatore85 Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 I remember having to deal with a guy like you who would constantly text my ex while we were together and trust me if this guy finds out what you're doing you're most likely going to get pummeled. I get the whole "two to tango" deal but this guy has 8 years of emotion invested into her and you have what? A crush? What I find most ridiculous is you went to this guys home, his comfort zone, while he was gone, so you could meet up with his girl...that's beyond wrong dude. The best part about all of this is if she does leave him to be with you I give it one month before you're back on here questioning how to get your ex back.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 About 4 months ago I got a new job and almost instantly developed a crush on my coworker. After about two weeks of talking to her she revealed that she has a boyfriend (who also works at the store). She seemed reluctant to talk about him. As time went on it became pretty clear that we had feelings for each other. She would light up like a pinball machine when I saw her and we would have extended eye contact starring matches. There was also lots of flirting. LOTS of flirting. We eventually began writing extremely long emails back and forth on a daily basis. This went on for over a month and we got to know each other very well during the course of these emails and by talking at work. She told me that she's told me things she has never told anyone else. I did the same. This eventually led to us hanging out in person, which was wonderful. Our conversations got way more personal. One evening while watching the sunset together she told me that if she hadn't met Jim (her boyfriend), that she wouldn't be sitting here with me at that moment in time, enjoying the sunset. She never really mentioned her boyfriend unless she was telling me a story about something they did in the past. She would always say "we" instead of his name or instead of saying "boyfriend". It kinda seemed to me like they were on their way out. while hanging out we would flirt constantly, there were several extended hugs, but we never kissed. I found out that they have been together for 8 years and moved here to Seattle together from Chicago. They meet when they were 21 (she's now 29). They currently live together with another roommate. One day I was driving her home while talking, all of our secrets came out. I told her how I felt about her and she told me she told me that she "REALLY liked me". She said if she broke up with him he would probably be so upset that he would have to move out of town. She admitted that she felt horrible for all the emotional cheating. I told her that she should just take her time and if she needed to talk that I would be there. The next day at work she told me that she can't email me anymore because it means that shes made a decision and she just needs time to think about it. This was about two weeks ago. I told her to call me and she said "I can't". Regardless, she continues to send me brief (non-personal) emails and text messages. She called me a couple of times but we didn't talk about the situation at all. It was exhilarating talking to her and she seemed excited to talk to me. Meanwhile she's continuing to spend all of her time with him. They frequently go to concerts and movies together. She also revealed that they are going on a trip to Los Angels this December. She's obviously really confused, but I'm not sure what to do. I'm super into this girl. I don't want to be with anyone else and I truly feel like fate has brought us together. Every time I see her at work she gets super excited to see me and we continue to flirt. A lot. Yesterday she volunteered to stay 3 hours after she was supposed to get off work so she could help me out in the back of the store. She said the only reason she volunteered to do it was so that she could spend time with me. Right after she got off work she sent me a couple of short Facebook messages and texted me. I have no idea what to do from here, I just know that I need to be with her. Any insight is welcome. Thank you! Oh how I wish we could be in an Algebra/Geometry class, where all that counts is the logic in all of this, for then your answer would be crystal clear. Instead, I will recite the logical answer, and you will counter to yourself about your heart, and how it feels, and how excited you are... etc. etc. etc. But the logical answer is... Even if she drops him like a hot rock tomorrow, and takes-up with you with an eye on the long term, you're encountering someone who had been close to someone for eight years, and as such, you would for many years be/seem less significant than he, in the event that they contemplated any remaining feelings they had for one another (on a path toward maybe getting back together). Beyond that, most people fresh from a relationship of 8 years, owe it to themselves to discover themselves as individuals again, vs. leaping into a rebound relationship. (the reasons for this often double as the causes for break-ups in the rebound relationship) Let me remind you that I fully understand why your heart couldn't care less about this response. If you were merely playing the percentages, you would sit this one out. 1
flitzanu Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 so you guys would be seeking out and violently hurting males just for speaking to or flirting with your girlfriends?
New User Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 so you guys would be seeking out and violently hurting males just for speaking to or flirting with your girlfriends? No. But if she ends the relationship for OP there is no telling how he will respond. Eight years is a significant investment in a relationship. If he has an ounce of common sense he'll tell her that he's not getting involved with her unless her and her boyfriend break up. Oh, and she's single for a while. I wouldn't date a woman until she was out of a long term relationship like that for at least a year.
Salvatore85 Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 so you guys would be seeking out and violently hurting males just for speaking to or flirting with your girlfriends? Speaking or flirting, no. Going into the house the dude is paying for and trying to destroy a relationship is completely crossing the line and if the dude pummeled him for it then he deserved it.
ascendotum Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 (edited) Speaking or flirting, no. Going into the house the dude is paying for and trying to destroy a relationship is completely crossing the line and if the dude pummeled him for it then he deserved it. the only point for me were this guy has stepped over the line is when he went to her house a few days ago when the bf was at work. He did not have sex with her, but he is not that naive to assume its disrespectful to be in this guy's house when he knows full well this girl has very strong feelings for him and has been emotional cheating with him already. He is just going with the flow here in reaction to her moves, but that does not absolve him of any part in this imo. While we know this guy is hovering around this guy's gf working on her emotions, the bf doesn't know anything of him or this. You just cant walk in the door find one of your gf's coworkers sitting on the sofa who's been invited in and launch into an assault on the guy's head. Edited July 26, 2013 by ascendotum 1
LaFemmeBrille Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Nothing good will come of this. We know it, you know it, SHE knows it! The "forbidden fruit" aspect is intensifying the romanticism of the situation, but there is very little romantic about it. Please consider the legitimate harm and upheaval this would cause if seen through. Fantasy has a way of making you feel like it's the real reason for living, to FEEL ALIVE and inspired. But this will end eventually, and badly. This isn't just taboo, it's certain drama and heartache. Please, just, no... 1
New User Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Nothing good will come of this. We know it, you know it, SHE knows it! The "forbidden fruit" aspect is intensifying the romanticism of the situation, but there is very little romantic about it. Please consider the legitimate harm and upheaval this would cause if seen through. Fantasy has a way of making you feel like it's the real reason for living, to FEEL ALIVE and inspired. But this will end eventually, and badly. This isn't just taboo, it's certain drama and heartache. Please, just, no... But..... but....... OP's special. It was fate that brought him and this chick together- they have a love that will span the ages. We shouldn't bother ourselves with the childish notion that if this chick was worth a damn (she isn't) she would end it with her BF before seeking other male companionship. It's a passion for the ages that was ordained by Eros himself and anyone who gets hurt along the way should be grateful for even being a bit player in this glorious romance. It is far more impotent (sic) than anything that these mere mortals will ever be involved in. O.K. So that's over the top- my posts are being babysat right now so I feel free to take shots at douchebag behavior as they won't make the cut unless the mods see fit to allow them. But make no mistake OP- trying to romance a woman that is this deeply involved with another is a douchebag move. Doubly so on the part of the person who is involved with another. You would be making a huge mistake getting involved with anyone who exhibits such a stunning lack of character.
flitzanu Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Speaking or flirting, no. Going into the house the dude is paying for and trying to destroy a relationship is completely crossing the line and if the dude pummeled him for it then he deserved it. i agree here. a girl put me in this position once and i hated every second of being in that person's house. i didn't have a choice since i wasn't driving. but yeah, that's some bro code breaking going into a dude's home.
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