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Is this really true??? Aren't I allowed a life atall?

Supergirl_x

By Supergirl_x
in General Relationship Discussion

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Supergirl_x Member

Supergirl_x

Posted
Posted (edited)

I've been with my boyfriend now for a year and a half my parents have known him for like 8 months and they all get on great with each other my dad says he can't stay over for a night cause of income support and it would effect him!!! So is this really gonna effect my relationship in where my bf won't ever be allowed to stay over... My mum says that I don't know what he likes at home or stay over yet my dad says that!!! How am I suppose to get to know when she doesn't want me staying at his cause he lives in a housing estate (scheme) and he's not allowed here.... Don't even bother mentioning about holidays or booking hotels we live like 6 hours away and we see each other for like 5 hours every 2 weeks! :( it's all very good but it's been like this for the past year now and I'm sick of it all is wanna do is spend more of my time with him and my family together.... Funny thing is my dad was fine when it was my friends staying over and now says that if he'd of known about income support then he wouldn't of let them over I don't get it so aint I allow a life!!!! :"(

Edited by Supergirl_x
veggirl Established Member

veggirl

Posted
Posted

Move out and you can have anyone you want stay over.

 

most people I know didn't have opposite sex sleepovers while still living at home. if you're of "living at home" age then your bf should understand your parents who own the house have rules.

 

if THIS affects your relationship then your relationship wasn't much to begin with.

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LisaLee Established Member

LisaLee

Posted
Posted

Move out of your parents house. Problem solved, life regained.

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Tinie Established Member

Tinie

Posted
Posted

Ugh stop it.

 

I live with my parents, I doubt they'd appreciate me having a steamy sex session in my room with my bf.

 

It's their house, and their rules. Why can't you go over to your bf's house instead?

  • Like 1
4givrnt4gtr Established Member

4givrnt4gtr

Posted
Posted

And this is when I start feeling old....

 

First of all..how old are you....

 

If you say anything that ends in "teen", then the answer to your "aren't I allowed a life at all" is a resounding YES and perhaps your parents are precisely making sure you DO by not allowing your boyfriend stay over (nothing kills "having a life" faster than an unintended pregnancy!)

 

Now, like most everyone said, its their house, so its their rules. Im pretty sure we have all gone through it. I personally moved out when I wanted to have my then boyfriend to sleep over. For one thing, out of respect for my parents. Second, out of desire for privacy, and not having that uncomfortable "morning after" situation. eeek.

 

So, I suggest wait til you are old enough to work, save some money, get yourself a place and THEN have your boyfriend stay over. All the above spell "being an adult". Don't be in too much hurry to get there.. TRUST ME.

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Supergirl_x Member

Supergirl_x

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Yeah, I would move out but I'm regestired disable with a lot of care for my condition, and my mum is my career for now... I am a able person and I am actually 22 so no not in my teens, I pay my rent I pay for the majority of food and pay halfers for eletric/etc.... So yeah I don't see where the problem lies... Not that my boyfriend would even stay in the same room at night,neither of us are bothered by that, I've tried to reason with them by saying he can sleep in the living room on a spare bed but they just don't seem to be agreeing to it?

They say they'd love to SOMETIMES but can't cause of income support is this really true? Or are they just making excuses?

I'm advised not to live on my own wit my condition and therefore would benefit from having my parents or partner with me so hence why I plan to stay at home until I can even afford to move to somewhere with my boyfriend.

I mean I pay my way and I don't go out atall with 'friends' I'm a week behaved quite quiet person and never waste money, I thought this time last year by now my boyfriend could be over, as my parents never had a problem with friends (even opposite sex) staying over like best friends...

CC12 Established Member

CC12

Posted
Posted
They say they'd love to SOMETIMES but can't cause of income support is this really true? Or are they just making excuses?

 

I don't know. It doesn't sound right that your family is somehow not allowed to have an overnight guest because of the benefits they're receiving. So it could be an excuse, but that doesn't change anything. The fact of the matter is that they don't want your boyfriend staying the night.

 

Why don't you and your boyfriend stay at a hotel when he visits you?

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Supergirl_x Member

Supergirl_x

Posted
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Posted
I don't know. It doesn't sound right that your family is somehow not allowed to have an overnight guest because of the benefits they're receiving. So it could be an excuse, but that doesn't change anything. The fact of the matter is that they don't want your boyfriend staying the night.

 

Why don't you and your boyfriend stay at a hotel when he visits you?

 

Cause I'd get told that it would be stupid for him to pay that when he could stay over for free and I wouldn't be allowed to stay over obviously they'd find out cause his parents would tell mine, his parents are inviting me on holiday and its not fair my mum said to me today that it wasn't her choice and that she would have him over any time that my dad maybe needed more time to get use to it?

I just feel so low that my own dad would have to lie to me about an income benefit and come up with such a low excuse why can't he just come out and tell the truth? Anyway I was the one who brought it up since last year he did when my boyfriend was stuck on a train home and didn't get home til wary morning cause of a bus that was on instead and he says that my boyfriend should of maybe stayed over and then asks my opinion and obviously with me saying it wasn't my house and that it was his choice then he goes into it again and brings up the income support thing it's ****ing ridiculous now his parents are on benefits and would happily have me over MY FAMILY DON'T WANT ME GOING THERE EITHER!!!! I'm nearly 23/24 and I am sick of my parents ruling my life yes I get at their house but they say they like him **** sake what the problem

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Supergirl_x Member

Supergirl_x

Posted
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Posted
Why can't you go over to your bf's house instead?

Cause they wouldn't have that happening either. His parents would end up telling my parents but there more than happy to have me over and have actually invited me on holiday.

ForeverHopeful1 Established Member

ForeverHopeful1

Posted
Posted (edited)
I've been with my boyfriend now for a year and a half my parents have known him for like 8 months and they all get on great with each other my dad says he can't stay over for a night cause of income support and it would effect him!!! So is this really gonna effect my relationship in where my bf won't ever be allowed to stay over... My mum says that I don't know what he likes at home or stay over yet my dad says that!!! How am I suppose to get to know when she doesn't want me staying at his cause he lives in a housing estate (scheme) and he's not allowed here.... Don't even bother mentioning about holidays or booking hotels we live like 6 hours away and we see each other for like 5 hours every 2 weeks! :( it's all very good but it's been like this for the past year now and I'm sick of it all is wanna do is spend more of my time with him and my family together.... Funny thing is my dad was fine when it was my friends staying over and now says that if he'd of known about income support then he wouldn't of let them over I don't get it so aint I allow a life!!!! :"(

 

Move out or respect their rules. It IS their home, and it doesn't matter whether they tell you it is for this reason or that. It is THEIR house and unless and until you leave and have a place of your own, it isn't your choice to have people stay over. They could tell you he cant stay over because the sky is blue if they wanted.

Edited by ForeverHopeful1
pteromom Established Member

pteromom

Posted
Posted

Because of your unique situation that you shouldn't live alone, I think it is time to assert yourself.

 

Yes, your parents should be allowed to make rules for their home. It is up to them who spends the night, etc.

 

At the same time, if you are paying in on the bills as an adult, you are more like a roommate than their child, so it is time for a talk.

 

Explain to them that you are an adult and you would like to negotiate some new boundaries with them. That you will sometimes spend the night at your boyfriend's house if he isn't welcome to spend the night at yours, and that you will text them to let them know you are OK and where you are so they don't worry, but that you want the freedom to have an adult life.

 

In other words - even though they get to make the rules about what happens at their house, you are adult, and you get to make the rules about what happens in your life.

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