youaretheone Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 We attended the same meetup with this girl and we clicked. I asked her number for a coffee, implying that it is to arrange a date and she welcomed it warmly and gave me her number. The day after, she sent me a message asking if I am attending an event two days later. She also added it was wonderful meeting me and she hopes to see me soon. I took all of these as a positive interest so I called her this evening to ask her out on a date for tomorrow (which I believe put her in a difficult situation). She said she is very packed and she will let me know if she can make it or not. Nothing from her since. I know I shouldn't make a hassle out of it but she has been in my head all the evening. Probably asking her out for tomorrow was a bad idea, because people have schedules already and I might have come a bit strong with that. I am not sure how to handle this. Two days later, we have this event that we are both attending. I just took her message as a positive sign and did not want to miss the chance to reciprocate.
Phantom888 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 If she gets back to you, she's interested. If you don't hear from her, then she's not. It's very straightforward if you think about it. Yes it's tough waiting. That's why dating sucks in early stages. 1
Star Gazer Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 You called her tonight for tomorrow (short notice) and you're perturbed that you haven't heard back yet? Umm, how about some patience? She might be thinking she'll see you at the event that she already asked you about (which is 2 days from now?). 2
CarrieT Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 You called her tonight for tomorrow (short notice) and you're perturbed that you haven't heard back yet? Umm, how about some patience? She might be thinking she'll see you at the event that she already asked you about (which is 2 days from now?). ^^^ THIS ^^^ OP, you may have come across as too wanting too quickly. Meet her again at the next event and continue getting to know her. By giving you her number, she was probably expecting you to text and convo her for a few days before continuing the getting-to-know-you phase before jumping straight to asking for a date. Yep, you came across as too strong. Slow down and apologize to her when you see her. Just hang with her for a bit and see how she responds. Then - maybe - ask her again for coffee or something. 3
sdraw108 Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I agree with the other posters, you jumped in way too quick. You already got given a second meet up handed to you on a silver platter, and you only had to wait 2 days for it to happen. There was no need to push your luck. Just play it cool from now on, and hopefully it won't matter. I agree with the poster above me, except that I wouldn't apologise to her - that'll just make it seem like its a big deal when you want to be downplaying it. Don't mention it again. 1
Author youaretheone Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 Thank you all for the true words. I realize now that I was too enthusiastic and rushed things a little. I should enjoy taking it slow and getting to know her. This morning, she replied saying she is packed so she can't make it tonight and she said "maybe this weekend but definitely next week!". I guess this is a sign that we are still on but I probably should take it easy and cool things down, what do you say? I think I am going to see her at this event, enjoy each other's company and ask her out during the weekend for a date next week. 1
Gottabestrong Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Yea, definitely take it slow and don't stress. All the signs are there that she likes you. No need to panic or over-analyze. Go to this event tomorrow and try to get to know her a little bit better. If you have a great time, give it a day or two and then ask her out again. But give her a few days notice this time. Most women like to plan ahead. Good luck! 1
Author youaretheone Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 ^^^ THIS ^^^ OP, you may have come across as too wanting too quickly. Meet her again at the next event and continue getting to know her. By giving you her number, she was probably expecting you to text and convo her for a few days before continuing the getting-to-know-you phase before jumping straight to asking for a date. Yep, you came across as too strong. Slow down and apologize to her when you see her. Just hang with her for a bit and see how she responds. Then - maybe - ask her again for coffee or something. A question about this. Aren't the dates there to get to know the other person in a private setting? What is the harm in setting up a date and wanting to get to know each other instead of trying to make it with other people around?
Aero-el Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 This morning, she replied saying she is packed so she can't make it tonight and she said "maybe this weekend but definitely next week!". If she wasn't interested, she wouldn't have offered an alternative meet up for next week. I would be patient and build the process of the first date up slowly, but not too slowly to where she loses interest. Typically, when I get a girl's number I would text her a day or two later with something flirty and funny, to gauge her interest level. If she shows me enough interest, I would then invite her for drinks at a bar or coffee shop. 1
sdraw108 Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 A question about this. Aren't the dates there to get to know the other person in a private setting? What is the harm in setting up a date and wanting to get to know each other instead of trying to make it with other people around? The harm is that SHE arranged the next "date" (really more of a "meet" than a "date") to be a group thing, for whatever reason. You then tried to up the pace by making it a one-on-one, and making it sooner than she'd asked for. When a girl initiates a meeting with you, and it's only the second one, you shouldn't then immediately try to up the ante. Let things go at the pace she's decided she wants it to go at, until the ball is back in your court for arranging the next (third?) date. 1
Author youaretheone Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 sdraw108, your answer helped me to look at this dating thing with a different perspective. I always tried to play things by the rule, such as defining a date as a one-to-one meeting and considering things unsuccessful if that "date" did not happen. Now that I read your explanation, I realize that people can still enjoy each other's company and take things slowly. As long as there is mutual interest, it really does not matter where and how you meet, does it? I have spent all my dating life thinking about norms and rules of dating and that has pressured me a lot until now. This time I hope to learn to be patient and more mature. I am only 24 and I take this as a lesson in my romantic life.
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