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Posted

my wife and I have been married for 2 years. we have a 1 y/o daughter and what i thought was an amazing relationship. she was a stay at home mom for a year during the pregnancy and after baby was born. money was tight but we made it through as i have a good job(Corrections officer) but apparently my job changed me as i became shelled up and got rude and " treated her like an inmate". one day she said she needed space and then 4 days later she wanted seperation. the next day she had messages to her boss calling him babe and taking about cuddling. she said it was a horrible mistake and she regrets it. since then she has moved out and filed divorce papers. in the beginning she wouldnt answer my texts or calls and ignored me all the time. i was chasing her though. now, i don't call or text as much and started doing things with friends and now she answers whenever i contact her and will sometimes contact me randomly. she also calls me hon all the time and asks for hugs. the other day she held my hand for a bit while she was crying cause i asked her a ? about the divorce and she said she hasn't thought much about the divorce cause she is so stressed out. she works all the time so she doesn't have to think about the divorce and when i asked her if this is really what she wants she says yes in a low sad tone. i wanna save my marriage. its only been 2 months since the seperation. Still have 2 weeks until waiting period is over and 1st court date. i guess any advice would help at this point as i have hurt and anger towards her but at the same time i do care for and love her. is there any chance after the divorce we could reconcile? any tips, or anything that gives me hope or helps is much appreciated!!!!

Posted

My advice would be to roll on with the divorce, she perhaps needs a dose of reality to wake up to the situation.

 

She can easily pull out of this situation she in fact caused.

 

Grass is greener etc etc.

 

Even if you get divorced, no reason why you cannot get back together.

Posted
my wife and I have been married for 2 years. we have a 1 y/o daughter and what i thought was an amazing relationship. she was a stay at home mom for a year during the pregnancy and after baby was born. money was tight but we made it through as i have a good job(Corrections officer) but apparently my job changed me as i became shelled up and got rude and " treated her like an inmate". one day she said she needed space and then 4 days later she wanted seperation. the next day she had messages to her boss calling him babe and taking about cuddling. she said it was a horrible mistake and she regrets it. since then she has moved out and filed divorce papers. in the beginning she wouldnt answer my texts or calls and ignored me all the time. i was chasing her though. now, i don't call or text as much and started doing things with friends and now she answers whenever i contact her and will sometimes contact me randomly. she also calls me hon all the time and asks for hugs. the other day she held my hand for a bit while she was crying cause i asked her a ? about the divorce and she said she hasn't thought much about the divorce cause she is so stressed out. she works all the time so she doesn't have to think about the divorce and when i asked her if this is really what she wants she says yes in a low sad tone. i wanna save my marriage. its only been 2 months since the seperation. Still have 2 weeks until waiting period is over and 1st court date. i guess any advice would help at this point as i have hurt and anger towards her but at the same time i do care for and love her. is there any chance after the divorce we could reconcile? any tips, or anything that gives me hope or helps is much appreciated!!!!

 

Hi Dave,

 

So sorry you find yourself in this position. I assume you are at least willing to try to reconcile with your wife even though she had the affair with her boss.

 

So I think you make one single romantic gesture and she will either resond or not.

 

Call her and ask her to meet you for dinner to discuss some things, just the two of you. Pick a nice quiet place where you can sit and talk. Bring tissues.

 

Ask her if she is still with her boss.

 

Ask her if she is happy.

 

(You ask these things because you need to discuss these things openly and honestly)

Regardless of her answer ... (If you still feel this way after you hear the above)

 

Tell her you love her, and while you are crushed by what she did, you feel that two you should try to work through it, that you have created a family, you made vows, you have a child and you want to fight for that and for her if she will try to fight for you.

 

You want to be a full time father, you want to have an intact family and you want to be married to her because you are still in love with her.

 

You say you are willing to work with her to get over her affair and you are willing to go to marriage counseling to address the per affair marital issues.

 

It will be work and she has to do some things to show she is committed, like take STD/pregnancy tests, go NC with her Affair partner, quit her job & get a new job, work with A counselor to determine why she addressed her unhappiness by going outside the marriage instead of coming to you.

 

If after this she says divorce is what she wants then there is nothing left to do but make a life for yourself and be a good Dad. Tell her you are sorry but you needed to try one last time. Wish her well and move on.. No more hand holding

No crying on your shoulder. Talk only about your child and finances.

 

Sorry

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