do gorgeous female exs realize that they get spoiled by new guys that just want play?

[lifeboy]

ok so just give me your thoughts on this. this is what really irritates me. my ex is just drop dead gorgeous. i treated her brilliantly and great, but she needed space to see what else is out there (i was her only bf of 3 years) and she has 2 years left at a brand new (ivy league) university. so it's a prime opportunity to leave me (no i didnt treat her bad). anyway, what pisses me off is how like any guy will do anything for her and be so nice to her blah blah blah (do whatever she wants to do even if they dont really want to do it) just because she is gorgeous and they probably want on her. like i feel like she will not realize that her favorable treatment by guys (compared to me) is just because of the initial thrill of trying to get on a hot girl. does the perfect treatment end? does she ever become aware of it? i just feel like im screwed since she will always get what she wants and will never be like "oh this isnt as good as my ex bf".

 

so i guess just give me your thoughts on this. do beautiful women ever realize this stuff or whatever? am i forever screwed and forgotten even though i treated her great?

[UCFKevin]

Why were you initially interested in her? I doubt it was because of her SAT scores.

[meanon]

 

You want her to suffer, miss your perfect treatment and come crawling back, chastened and repentant? Sorry lifeboy, life rarely works out like this. Maybe she wants to play too, maybe she will discover that not all guys are as good to her as you were. Either way you, her first love, will never be forgotten. You'll always have a special place in her heart. Wish her well and let her go.

[Nosmas]

Dear Sir,

 

I wholeheartedly agree with you: your terrible situation is almost hopeless.

 

Please supply the phone number of this unruly, rich, gorgeous wench, and I will be pleased to speak with her about her situation and how I might help remedy it.

 

Sincerely,

Nosmas

[Pocky]

Always a player, eh Nosmas?

[Weird]

fire me over a picture of her. I am curious because everyone always says the person they are with (or were with) is drop dead gorgeous and I usually find they aren't.

[Scott S]

Originally posted by lifeboy

[sNIP] does the perfect treatment end? does she ever become aware of it? i just feel like im screwed since she will always get what she wants and will never be like "oh this isnt as good as my ex bf".

 

so i guess just give me your thoughts on this. do beautiful women ever realize this stuff or whatever? am i forever screwed and forgotten even though i treated her great?

 

Yes, the "perfect treatment" will end, eventually. A relationship founded on physcial attaction will not last, as the novelty wears off, & the annoying personal habits begin showing.

 

If it's any consolation to you, a person cannot trade on his or her looks indefinitely. No one will be 20-something forever, neither will anyone look that way for the rest of his/her life.

 

A lasting relationship has a much deeper foundation - an admiration & respect for the inner person.

 

____________________________________________

Eagles may soar, but weasels are never sucked into aircraft engines.

[tattoomytoe]

speaking from experience (as a beautiful woman)- we Normally know how to work our looks to get the most.

 

hopefully your girl is as life-smart as she is book-smart and she knows how some mens minds work-or how their penis's generally think for themselves.

 

i agree with everyone else in saying, let her do her thing....stay friends with her -if you can- if you cannot, then stop talking with her.

 

why not try the dating thing yourself....i mean you obviously can land a great looking broad, go out and have Fun for You and live YOur life!

[neptoon]

Yeah, I agree with the other posters in saying it's better to move on.

 

And the looks thing is subjective. Just because you find her gorgeous doesn't mean everybody will. It's not fair to say that every guy just wants to play her because of her looks -- why did you treat her good after the "novelty" wore off -- maybe other guys will see the same thing in her. Who knows? What does it matter?

 

There are people to meet, roads to travel -- don't spend the best years of your life pining over lost love that has not yet been found. There are much greater and more passionate loves to be found.

[still, I have to say]

I always find it strange when people are somewhat carefree in their attitude about relationships that last more than a couple of years... three years is a lot of time... and wouldn't you want her to make a better decision about where you stand in the long run if she actually sees what is else out there for opportunity... better for her to get this figured out now rathern than marry you and then regret for the rest of her life whether she made the right choice.

 

You are "her first" so you will always have a place that other guys envy in one sense. Hopefully she is shred and discerning enough to see if some guys are hitting on her solely for her booty. It does sound like you just need to let her go for now. Hardest thing you could be asked to do because there is no promise that you two will ever be close again.

 

I am a 'fight-er' and not a 'flight-er' (i.e. someone who runs away when things get uncomfortable for them). You sound like a fight-er. Best way to fight at present is to leave her be, have NO CONTACT, and leave it up to her to re-contact you if she makes that choice. If you prepare yourself mentally/emotionally for the worst possible outcome then everything from there is uphill.

 

Wishing you all the best in your decisions.

 

 

 

Chico

[chicothechimp]

I always find it strange when people are somewhat carefree in their attitude about relationships that last more than a couple of years... three years is a lot of time... and wouldn't you want her to make a better decision about where you stand in the long run if she actually sees what is else out there for opportunity... better for her to get this figured out now rathern than marry you and then regret for the rest of her life whether she made the right choice.

 

You are "her first" so you will always have a place that other guys envy in one sense. Hopefully she is shred and discerning enough to see if some guys are hitting on her solely for her booty. It does sound like you just need to let her go for now. Hardest thing you could be asked to do because there is no promise that you two will ever be close again.

 

I am a 'fight-er' and not a 'flight-er' (i.e. someone who runs away when things get uncomfortable for them). You sound like a fight-er. Best way to fight at present is to leave her be, have NO CONTACT, and leave it up to her to re-contact you if she makes that choice. If you prepare yourself mentally/emotionally for the worst possible outcome then everything from there is uphill.

 

Wishing you all the best in your decisions.

 

 

 

Chico

[Weird]

The little chimp is right and I couldn't have said it better myself.

 

Good job Chico.

 

Now where is the pic of this supposed knockout girl that every guy will be fawning over?

[Hurt]

My ex is a very pretty woman, and I was reminded of it over and over again, she now is seeing another, but you know what, we are all looking for the same thing, one love, one person etc....pretty is not the answer, women just think that because guys line up everything is ok, I was a nice guy and maybe one day she will remember me as one, you are not going to have the looks all your life! and if one thinks thats what its all about looks, they have a suprise coming. They are not ready for the real thing!

[lifeboy]

good insights. thanks. see that's true, looks dont last you forever. one thing i did tell her like around 2 months ago is "i love you for who you are and even if and when you get a little saggy, i'll still love you just the same"

she said that that was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to her. so whatever that worked ok. but for now she needs this lame time to go get ass and just like have guys tell her how hot she is.

 

i am completely out of the picture now. there was a point at which she wanted to get back with me and so i did, but then right when she started to meet some guy friends at her school (like i said, she just transferred there and didnt know anyone - that's why she was all lonely and "wanted me back") she started to like be sketchy about being back with me so soon. she was like "i dont know if i got back with you because i was weak and couldnt be on my own". so i am not taking her BS. so i left that night and in doing so, i said "from here on out, you are the boy who cried wolf. next time you apparently want to get back with me or need something, i will call your bluff." and she responded "i promise next time i will be serious". so whatever i cant even tell if she will want me again, but i am now ignoring her.

 

here is where i guess i need some more insight. so i just graduated college this past may and just recently have been receiving many job offers (after much intense interviewing) at top public accounting firms. well she always knew securing a good job was very important to me. but once i found out about the job offers, i never called her or anyone to let them know ( i dont like boasting). i hope this makes her feel like "wow he isnt even calling me to tell me the good news. i feel bad now. maybe he is moving on and doesnt care about me" well she found out from a third party that i got many job offers and was quite inquisitive about where and for how much, etc. she started calling me for the first time (like 2.5 weeks after that night i left her when she was having reservations about being with me again) once she found out about the jobs and is all like wanting toknow eveyrhting. well i dont answer and dont call her back. it just brings me down so much to hear her voice and know i cant have her and that she just wants to congratulate me as a friend for getting something i have always strived for. so i dont respond.

 

anyway, final need of insight (sorry this is long); but in the past summer, i was just job hunting and she dumped me. so i am here with pretty much no friends and am just lonely. in short, i am not a threat to her (like i will probably be here for her if she ever wants to get back). now that i have these job offers, do you think she might feel threatened by my upped professional status and more importantly, at the prospect of me meeting many good people at work and finally having a social venue of my own in which to meet women and move on more from her? maybe now i have some status against her smart, perfect ivy league suitors (by the way i am no dummy myself, i went to a great school too; just for her own stupid comparison's sake). any insight is much much appreciated.

 

in short, i am very in love with her, i am not contacting her, and i am not accepting her limited contact. teh only contact i want from her is regret and "i want you back" type stuff.otherwise, i will be too hurt to deal with "friendly conversations about how great her life is and all that crap"

[Nosmas]

Always a player, eh Nosmas?

 

Pocky, I'm still waiting for her number: I'm sure I can straighten the whole thing out with her......................

 

For starters, I'm determined to engage her in friendly conversations about how great her life is and "all that crap."

 

Lifeboy, the female of the species seems to have turned the table on you. Suck it up. Women have been listening to this line for years. Many end up divorced, but very wealthy (the silver lining).

[Weird]

lifeboy,

 

I think you are making things more difficult on yourself by doing this "will I one up her" or "will she be threatened by my new grand employment status" type talk. Don't over analyze stuff. It sucks to over analyze. I know this from experience.

 

Still waiting for a picture of her so I can judge if she is going to be the girl every guy will want to be with...

[chicothechimp]

... what goes around, comes around... I say be optimistic with her and wait it out for now... try some new things... buy some new clothes... make some new friends and show her that your life has not ended with her out of it... but don't try to guilt her into coming back to you... inevitably those things ALWAYS END UP BACK FIRING... if you act with integrity then you can never be accused of treating her in a bad way... that would be my hearty recommendation.

 

Be patient, dude. **** like this takes time to work through!

 

Chico

[Scott S]

Originally posted by lifeboy

[sNIP] anyway, final need of insight (sorry this is long); but in the past summer, i was just job hunting and she dumped me. so i am here with pretty much no friends and am just lonely. in short, i am not a threat to her (like i will probably be here for her if she ever wants to get back). now that i have these job offers, do you think she might feel threatened by my upped professional status and more importantly, at the prospect of me meeting many good people at work and finally having a social venue of my own in which to meet women and move on more from her? maybe now i have some status against her smart, perfect ivy league suitors (by the way i am no dummy myself, i went to a great school too; just for her own stupid comparison's sake). any insight is much much appreciated.

 

in short, i am very in love with her, i am not contacting her, and i am not accepting her limited contact. the only contact i want from her is regret and "i want you back" type stuff.otherwise, i will be too hurt to deal with "friendly conversations about how great her life is and all that crap"

 

I would concur with chicothechimp on this. The one-upsmanship will likely backfire.

 

His suggestion is to try new things. Great idea! Especially focus on your fledgling career. You are in a first-impressions phase right now, in a challenging profession (Trust me! I know this from personal experience.). Take the opportunity to broaden yourself, & expand your professional & social circles.

 

Finally, be less concerned about whether she feels threatened by your new social status, & more concerned about how this all will help you.