Really weird behavior from guy

[lillybear1]

So, about a month ago I went on a date w/ a guy I met online. We had been talking pretty much everyday for 3 months. I got SUPER nervous when I saw him, because let's just say he wasn't super photogenic. Thus, I wasn't on my a-game and came off as slightly uninterested. It wasn't awful, but I definitely wasn't me or how I felt. He still hugged me at the end of the date, though. Four days later I hadn't heard from him, felt really bad about it, so I texted him and told him that I had enjoyed the date, thanked him, and hoped he had had a safe trip back. He texted me back that evening (9 hours later or so) and said that he had enjoyed it too and I texted him back a few hours later to wish him a safe trip on his business trip and that was about it. I never did hear from him and realized I was crushing kind of hard, unfortunately.

 

SO, my best friend visited last weekend and decided to send him a message on my phone and ask him to hang out. I didn't hear from him and had already decided he wasn't interested and moved on w/ my life. At least I knew, right? Well, 4 days later he texts back, apologizes profusely and told me how busy he had been and said that hanging out said good. So, since I'm still not sure what his deal is, I put the ball in his court to plan it and told him to let me know when he was free and what he wanted to do since he was the really busy one. I hear nothing and then the next day he texts me and randomly ask if I have seen a movie (a documentary that came out like...6 years or so ago). I was asleep, so the next morning I texted him and said no, but mentioned that I thought it had a certain actor in it.

 

Guess what? No text back until today. Over 24 hours later. He once again apologized and confirmed that it does have him in it.

 

I don't get it. What's his deal? Is he actually busy, or is he not interested? But then again, if he's not interested, why does he want to hang out? Why text me back at all, especially after all that time? Maybe it's a game, but he doesn't seem like the type to do that from my impression of him so far. Just looking for some opinions. I'm not even sure how to continue w/ this or if I should.

 

Side note, but relevant: I'm still in college. He's a few years out. He has a good job and travels a lot, so I do know he is busy w/ that a lot. But THAT busy, I dunno.

 

Thanks for making it through my ramblings! Your input is greatly appreciated.

[lillybear1]

Edit****

Second paragraph (I think) should be that he said that hanging out sounded good.

 

Sorry, I'm still kinda asleep.

[Balzac]

Not sure about his age but you come across as quite immature socially in your written description. Not a pejorative, you are still in your student mode.

He's very likely got additional options and not too interested in your maturity level. Clever of him to pitch the documentary to test out his theory.

[TaraMaiden]

I was going to offer much the same.... he sounds a little older than you (if not more mature) and frankly, texting doesn't sound as if it's 'second-nature' to him as it is with so many youngsters nowadays.

 

Me? I send about 3 texts a week.

I use the phone a lot more, and write emails frequently.

 

Texting is hateful in some situations, and face it - not everybody likes or enjoys texting.

 

Simple.

[therhythm]

So, about a month ago I went on a date w/ a guy I met online. We had been talking pretty much everyday for 3 months. I got SUPER nervous when I saw him, because let's just say he wasn't super photogenic. Thus, I wasn't on my a-game and came off as slightly uninterested. It wasn't awful, but I definitely wasn't me or how I felt. He still hugged me at the end of the date, though. Four days later I hadn't heard from him, felt really bad about it, so I texted him and told him that I had enjoyed the date, thanked him, and hoped he had had a safe trip back. He texted me back that evening (9 hours later or so) and said that he had enjoyed it too and I texted him back a few hours later to wish him a safe trip on his business trip and that was about it. I never did hear from him and realized I was crushing kind of hard, unfortunately.

 

SO, my best friend visited last weekend and decided to send him a message on my phone and ask him to hang out. I didn't hear from him and had already decided he wasn't interested and moved on w/ my life. At least I knew, right? Well, 4 days later he texts back, apologizes profusely and told me how busy he had been and said that hanging out said good. So, since I'm still not sure what his deal is, I put the ball in his court to plan it and told him to let me know when he was free and what he wanted to do since he was the really busy one. I hear nothing and then the next day he texts me and randomly ask if I have seen a movie (a documentary that came out like...6 years or so ago). I was asleep, so the next morning I texted him and said no, but mentioned that I thought it had a certain actor in it.

 

Guess what? No text back until today. Over 24 hours later. He once again apologized and confirmed that it does have him in it.

 

I don't get it. What's his deal? Is he actually busy, or is he not interested? But then again, if he's not interested, why does he want to hang out? Why text me back at all, especially after all that time? Maybe it's a game, but he doesn't seem like the type to do that from my impression of him so far. Just looking for some opinions. I'm not even sure how to continue w/ this or if I should.

 

Side note, but relevant: I'm still in college. He's a few years out. He has a good job and travels a lot, so I do know he is busy w/ that a lot. But THAT busy, I dunno.

 

Thanks for making it through my ramblings! Your input is greatly appreciated.

 

As busy as a person may be if he is interested he would contact more often or react faster to your contacts.... I don't think he is that much into you. sorry.

[lillybear1]

I mean, he's only three years older than me. I feel like I am plenty socially mature, or at least as much as him. I was just nervous and I don't feel like that makes me any less socially mature. at least you could tell he was nervous, too. Maybe not as bad as me or maybe he's better at hiding it, but you could definitely tell.

 

Anyway, any idea what I should do?

[kassy]

Some people can be just that busy... But at the same time it doesn't magically change when you date them. So I think for you, probably not the man right now. And I say this as someone dating a guy who averages 3 weeks a month out of town for work and its not like when he is home it's a holiday...if I wasn't totally crazy about him, and if he didn't feel the same there is no way I would bother.

 

Go have fun with someone who is crazy about you and let's you know it

[will1988]

I think he is on the fence about you. He is probably not interested but sees you as a possible lay... so he is flaking on himself and giving in and texting you, even though he probably really is not all that interested but just wants sex. IMHO

 

I don't text a lot either and I'm 25. I prefer to call people or email them... the only person i text is my fiance and that is maybe at most 5 times a day. He could be like that.

[clia]

I think he's just not interested. This is the problem with talking to someone for 3 months before you meet them in person. It seems like, for whatever reason, it wasn't there when he finally met you in person.

 

I say this because (1) he didn't ask you for another date around the time of your first date; (2) he didn't contact you after the date; (3) his responses to your contact after the date did not invite further conversation; (4) he waited four days to respond to the text your friend sent; (5) he still hasn't asked you out on another date.

 

What should you do? Nothing. Move on, as you had planned to do. And next time don't let your friend send texts on your behalf to guys who haven't contacted you in weeks.

[lillybear1]

Yeah, I didn't know she was going to send the text until it was a done deal. I just wish if he wasn't interested he would have just let it alone and not replied at all. Oh, well. Thanks for your input, y'all.