Thanks so much everyone on these forums for making me see some things...

[RS]

I first want to say thanks to every one of you people on this forum, reading some of the advice you have given has made me feel a bit better about the situation I am in.

 

Let me give you a bit of background info on myself.

 

I am 32 years old, consider myself to be attractive and I am generally more than competent talking to and initiating conversation with the opposite sex and have more than my fair share of relationships in the last 15 years, but I am currently dealing with a break up that has hit me harder than any other. I too am being fed the "i am not ready for this" "I need space" lines, I only got these after I actually broke up the relationship myself but only because I could see that my then partner was not happy.

 

It's only been two weeks and I am finding it very hard to move on, you know your usual stuff, cant stop thinking bout her, have no desire to eat, can only sleep after consuming that wonderful tranquilizer called "alcohol".

 

Anyway so my life has been a living hell since she left, and the way I have gotten through all my past relationship breakups in the end is just to hate the ex (no its not really nice to do that but whatever gets you through the crap works) But this girl I cant seem to hate, I just cant do it, we still talk she has even been around for dinner once and we had a perfect night, just a good time hanging out and watching movies and what not.

 

I call her sometimes and cry on the phone and beg her back but after reading these forums tonight and especiallty after this quote that someone posted....

 

 

IF you wanted a chance, even at friendship, you need to show her the GREAT side of you! Instead, you have given her all the reason she needs to confirm why she broke up.

 

I realised exactly what I have been doing wrong, ringing a girl and begging is no way to make a girl come back, it just wont work, and I started to think about a few girls that have begged me back before in the past and how uncomfortable that made me felt. I realised exactly what I need to do now, is try and work on giving her space and nurture this friendship and who knows what happens in the future. Either I end up with a great friendship or we get back together.

 

She did have aprevious relationship to mine that went for four years, and did tell me she was ready to start another one, but now she said she was never ready at the start, I guess I can understand that though, you dont ever truely know if you are ready or not. I dont hold anything against her because the time we spent together was awesome, I wish it wasnt it would be easier to move on.

 

It is just really hard from going from almost living together, we would stay at each others places every day of the week, to seeing each other one day a week.

 

Anyway once again thanks for listening, if anyone has any advice or wants to know more just reply.

[SoleMate]

Sure, we always want to know more! How long were you together?

 

I actually broke up the relationship myself but only because I could see that my then partner was not happy.

Hunnhhh? This I REALLY don't get. You were in a relationship that you treasured, and you saw that she was unhappy. The obvious response is to ask her what would make her happy, and then do it! Did she ask you to break up? The way you described this, it sounds like you two hit a rough patch, and then you dumped her.

 

Do you know that relationships take work, and that you have to make it a priority to think about your partner's happiness and do whatever you can to increase it?

 

Finally...congratulations for realizing that the drunken sobbing and begging is a turnoff. It takes a lot of men MUCH longer than 2 weeks to realize this. Best if you look at the whole situation from her perspective, learn what she wants, and then give it to her. Doing a great job at this will make you irresistible, but it definitely takes a lot of effort.

[whichwayisup]

IF you wanted a chance, even at friendship, you need to show her the GREAT side of you! Instead, you have given her all the reason she needs to confirm why she broke up.

 

That is amazing that you realized that! Really it is because now you can work on YOU and just stay positive! Remember positive energy will bring good things and good feelings. It's all about mind control and positive thoughts!

 

Good luck and remember how much you love her. Show her the real you and make her WANT you, desire you and miss you enough to want to be with you!!

 

Keep posting and I'm glad everyone is here to help you!

 

WWIU

[RS]

Originally posted by SoleMate

Sure, we always want to know more! How long were you together?

 

 

Hunnhhh? This I REALLY don't get. You were in a relationship that you treasured, and you saw that she was unhappy. The obvious response is to ask her what would make her happy, and then do it! Did she ask you to break up? The way you described this, it sounds like you two hit a rough patch, and then you dumped her.

 

Do you know that relationships take work, and that you have to make it a priority to think about your partner's happiness and do whatever you can to increase it?

 

Finally...congratulations for realizing that the drunken sobbing and begging is a turnoff. It takes a lot of men MUCH longer than 2 weeks to realize this. Best if you look at the whole situation from her perspective, learn what she wants, and then give it to her. Doing a great job at this will make you irresistible, but it definitely takes a lot of effort.

 

I suppose I should of been a bit clearer in my post. Trust me this woman was treated like a princess I did everything to make her happy, and it wasnt a one way street either, she would do things for me as well, I broke it off on the spur of the moment and probably due to things I felt were happening in the last few weeks, I could tell there was something wrong and as it turns out she isnt ready for a relationship this full on, I wish she could told me that at the start but I cant hold that against her.

 

As far as relationships taking work, trust me I know, I have been through several relationships a lot of them long term ones, the thing is no matter how much work you put in, if someone isnt ready then the work is going to be wasted.

 

I told her of my intentions today to give her the space she needs, I dont think I could of even brought myself to say it to her without having read these forums last night and realising that it wasnt just me that this was happening to, and some people actually have it a lot worst off than me. So anyway she was very happy with my decision, and we are going to try and work on a friendship for the moment because we get along very well, who knows what happens from there, even if we dont get back together I gain a great friend, its going to be hard but it has to be done because if I dont lay off, I will just damage my chances of ever getting back with her.